Quite a few people have commented to me that they found my article late last year “How important to a man is a woman? very interesting. So here is some more of the relevant information I found so interesting myself in the book. This book sheds some light on how we break the connection we have with our loving partner. “Why women talk and men Walk” by Patricia Love and Steven Stosny explains that our ancient wiring is still driving us beneath the surface. It relates to the difference in the way the genders experience “fear and shame.”
The reason females want to talk about issues, is that disconnection makes her feel anxious and , on a deeper level isolated and afraid. The real reason the man doesn’t want to talk about the relationship is that her dissatisfaction with him makes him feel like a failure.
On a deeper level he feels ashamed. His shame is too deep to allow him to understand her fear, and her fear keeps her from seeing his shame. When they try to aleviate their feelings of vulnerabiity in opposite ways – by talking and not talking – all they end up sharing are disappointment and heartache.
A relationship between a man and a woman can fail with neither of them doing anything wrong if they do not understand the extent to which fear and shame drive their disconnection from each other. That disconnection is the biggest factor in the soaring divorce rate.
My next newsletter will shed some light on how fear and shame can keep both a woman and a man from getting what they want most out of their lives together.