Category Archives: Finding love

Would you like to meet someone who really gets you?

Do you ever feel as though you would like to meet someone who gets you? You know the feeling when you meet someone new and you really have the feeling that this person is listening and actually hearing what you are saying. You feel as though they are, if even for a moment, stepping into your shoes and experiencing your journey.

Or, would you like to meet people or a partner who appreciates what you do for them? People who acknowledge what you bring to their life? They value the time you set aside to help you move house, or even the time they happily took you out when you were feeling a little low.

Neale Donald Walsch, the author of the “Conversations with God” series of books, has this message for us: Be the source. In his “conversations”, he received this message: “I was advised by God to no longer be the Seeker, but to be the Source in the life of another of that which I had been seeking in my own life. “What flows through you, sticks to you.”

Most of us have heard the message: Do unto others, as you would have it done unto you. I think most of us interpret this as meaning that if you wish to be treated well, you should treat others well. But, Walsch interprets this to have a further meaning. “When you cause others to have the experience that you wish to have, you, too, must eventually have it.”

We have most probably read that you cannot give away that which you do not have. But it turns out that the act of giving something to another causes you to notice that you have it to give- and that you had it all along.

Walsch says that once he got this message, everything began to make sense- including the teaching that none of us is really “creating” anything, but merely noticing that is already there.

If you would like to experience a grander, more loving, more fulfilled version of yourself, this will come back to you. See the best version of another and let them know that you see it. Help them to see the grandest version of themselves by being a mirror and showing them their reflection.

Many people have listened to people who have told them they are not good enough. They have told themselves the same story and now believe it is true. If you are someone who gives others a rich experience of who they really are, you will be enriched as well.

Blessings

Margaret Newitt

www.atableforsix.com.au

1300 885 311

info@atableforsix.com.au

Lic no 3338670

If you manage a relationship with the inspiration to improve, appreciate, connect, or protect, it will florish.

We are continuing on with exploring  how male and females are wired differently in relation to how they react in their significant relationships. The interesting information is from a book called “Why women talk and men walk.”

The differences are present at birth with baby girls, from day one being more sensitive to isolation and lack of contact. This could have evolved as an important survival skill so that females kept in contact with their offspring and also with others in the group who could protect her. A woman could have fallen prey if left alone, so over the millennia, females developed an internal GPS that keeps them aware of closeness and distance in  all of their relationships.

When a woman feels close, she can relax, when she feels distant, she feels anxious. This heightened sensitivity to isolation makes a female react strongly to another person’s anger, withdrawal, silence, or other sign of unavailability. To be out of contact can be frightening.

Men have a hard time understanding a woman’s fear and the pain associated with it. One reason is that a woman’s fear provokes shame in a man: “You shouldn’t be afraid with me as your protector!” This is why he gets angry when she gets anxious or upset. But men also just don’t know what a woman’s fear feels like.

It is not our innate differences in fear and shame that drive us apart: it is how we manage the differences. If you manage them with criticism, defensiveness, withdrawal, or blame, your relationship will fail: it’s as simple as that. If you manage them with the inspiration to improve, appreciate, connect, or protect, your relationship will flourish. But it takes some conscious attention to overcome the force of habits that began forming very early in your life.

 

Men and women want the same closeness in a relationship-so why is it often lost?

Last week I wrote about how men and women are wired differently and how fear and shame can cause a loving close relationship to become disconnected. This interesting information is from a book called “Why women talk and men walk” by Patricia Love and Steven Stosny.

Research and clinical experiences show that men and women clearly want the same closeness and connection from a relationship. So why do many couples end up feeling like they have lost that closeness they felt early in their relationship?

The male – female disconnection is the biggest factor in the soaring divorce rate. Some 80% of divorcees say they “grew apart” – tragic and unnecessary.

Female orientated attempts are often aimed at “talking” to her man. But this is often a huge failure. Because their problem is not about “communication.” It’s about disconnection. They are disconnected because they have poor communication; they have poor communication because they are disconnected. In a new relationship, when they felt connected, they talked for hours on end. She exposed vulnerable feelings to him, he responded with protectiveness and support. She fell in love because she felt emotionally connected to him, and her belief that he would be there for her quelled all her fears.

He fell in love because he felt emotionally connected to her. She made him feel important and successful as a lover, protector and provider, which reduced any threat of feeling inadequate.

The best chance of saving a disconnected relationship is to return to this state of mutually soothing and empowering connection.

My next newsletter will talk about how to regain a deep connection and perhaps even at a deeper level.

Create your own results

I have a single friend who watches too many current affairs TV shows. She talks a lot about how it’s so difficult to meet a partner today. Even talks about how people are being conned by unscrupulous people who pretend to be something they are not and take unsuspecting single’s money.

Her whole attitude oozes, “Why even try to go out and meet a partner? It’s too hard. If I go to bars, there are only losers there. Or they end up being married.”

While I understand how she feels (we’ve all felt that way at times), it’s important to take a moment to put things into perspective.

We all create our own outcomes. And while we should be aware of what is going on in the singles world, you should put your focus on creating your own results.

Why not shift your mindset from one of “it’s too hard” and fixing what’s wrong, to one of focusing on what you really want. Decide that this is the year you create a life of supportive friends and or a loving partner.

But you can’t just talk about it. You’ve got to move your body and take action.

I invite you to turn off the TV, contact us and find out about how you can take advantage of our dinners and events to meet singles just like you.

If you contact me, I will discuss what it takes to make changes in your life, how to tame those fears that may surface along the way, and how to ensure you stay in the positive mindset. Otherwise, you may fall back into thinking it’s all too hard.

Do you need a nudge to make a change this year?

We had a lot of success partnering our members up last year. Our testimonial page has a list of many happy couples that have met via A Table for Six. We also heard from members who met through other means, but they said  that attending our dinners gave them the confidence in their lives that made all the difference. Our members tell us that they enjoy the dinners so much because they find them relaxed, and fun. The pressure they feel with internet dating isn’t there at our dinners. It’s all about the group enjoying some single company and conversation over dinner.

 

I never tire of hearing the members feedback and hearing of their enjoyment. We love to hear the good stories from our happy members.


Do you ever feel as though there is someone out there that you could be deeply connected to-Someone that you haven’t met yet?

If you’re like most people who are single (and would prefer not to be), in spite of this wonderful sense of possibility, you also struggle with the challenge of how to bring this beloved person into your life. You may feel disappointed, frustrated, confused and even pain sometimes because they are not in your life yet.
I’m not usually a country music fan, but I caught a few lines of a song by Adam Brandt called “There will be love” that says it all. ” There will be love in our lives, just as long as we are willing to try.

If any of that sounds familiar to you, we have helped people who thought they would never have success in dating again. Perhaps you need a nudge in the right direction, or you fear you are the least likely to succeed in dating.
Just remember, you don’t need to change anything externally about yourself or your life.  You only need to let go of those obstacles you have that are holding you back. Instead of spending another year hoping for love that doesn’t show up, you can contact us so that we can organise to have you out and meeting our fabulous members at dinners as soon as this weekend. You’ll be amazed by how quickly it can happen.

If you haven’t finalised your list for 2013 yet, I want to invite you to make a commitment to yourself… A commitment that you’ll make this year the one you look back on as the year you made a change in your life.

Another good news story from A Table for Six

Here’s another good news story from our A Table for Six dinners.

S told me she had dated a lot in her 20’s and felt there were plenty of guys to choose from. She settled down and married and was in her marriage for 20 odd years until it broke up for various reasons. She found herself single again and in her late 40’s. S found the dating scene at this age to be very different than when he was in her 20’s. Yes there were men to date, but having the checklist she had in her 20’s just wasn’t realistic now. She didn’t want to date anyone who had dependent children, didn’t have the same interests as she had or didn’t share the same religious beliefs. This proved to be very unsuccessful for S.

Eventually S realised that she could have a strict checklist and be lonely or she could become more realistic and be open to meeting men who could offer her genuine love and commitment even though they might not fit the exact profile she had in mind. S decided to be open to the men she met who were gentlemen and showed interest in her. We noticed the change in her feedback from dinners and about 4 months ago she met R at a dinner. They have been dating since then and they let us know that they are very serious about their relationship and very in love. If S had kept to her list, he would never have got to know R. They have differences but their core values are the same.

We are happy for them and look forward to hearing how their relationship progresses. We love hearing about and passing on our good news stories.

Opposites attract or similar perspective successful long term relationship?

We’ve all heard the saying “opposites attract”. It has always been an interesting one because we all know long term happy couples who seem to be opposites and others who seem to be very much alike.

Well a report I have read in a phychology magazine does throw some light on the subject. According to the report, the key to a happy, healthy relationship is choosing someone who is, quite frankly, a lot like you – a person who validates your existing views and habits rather than trying to change them.

Reports have repeatedly underscored the role of homogany – shared values, personality traits, economic background, and religion, as well as closeness in age – in romantic success. The more a couple shares a similar perspective, says Glenn Wilson, a psychologist at Gresham College in London, the less conflict there’s likely to be in their relationship.

Wilson  developed a compatibility questionaire that reveals a wide range of preferences regarding lifestyle, politics, child-rearing, morality and finances. He found that partners whose answers are comparable are more likely to report satisfaction with their love lives.

But, regardless of how well the two score on compatibility tests, you need to feel a spark of attraction – something that can come from the differences between your partner’s interests and passions and your own. (Such as you like photography and cooking, she likes hiking) “Homogany” is important for long-term satisfaction, but differences in interests really makes a difference in terms of chemistry,” says Givertz. “When couples are overly similar it can be a little bit of a brother-sister relationship- really predictable, without a lot of novelty.”

So what is the happy medium? Seek out a partner whose passions differ enough to expand your experience, but with whom you are aligned on important big-picture issues like how to show affection, what constitutes a moral life, and how to raise children.

How important is a woman to a man?

Having a successful relationship means relating to the other gender. If you are a man that means relating to women and if you are a woman that means relating to men. Male/female differences and similarities are very complicated.

Most of us don’t really have a very good understanding of why and how the other gender behave the way they do. We judge them by how our gender thinks.

How often have we girls been involved in or overheard a group of girls complaining about their men? I’m not so sure that men do this as often as we girls do. The main reason that this is such a common topic of conversation is that they feel like their behaviour doesn’t match the fairytale image they had in their head.

Speaking with so many single people who become members of a Table for Six prompted me to do some study on male/female behaviour. What I have learned is fascinating and great news for both genders.

We think that men are a certain way and their behaviour is set and always the same. But what if men were responding to women? What if what women are doing is causing a man to fall in love with them or keep a distance?

A man’s motivation (the ones we should trust) are duty, obligation and honour. If that isn’t their motivation then steer clear of them. Most women don’t know how much a man is compelled to make a woman happy. He judges himself by his ability to make a woman happy. It is more important to him than a promotion at work or any sporting achievement. The approval of his woman is better than anything for a man.

Women don’t know how much we mean to men – Our beauty, admiration, love and our willingness to let men give us pleasure. We need to let them know they made us happy. Our receptiveness to his contributions to us will make him feel valued. But our culture has changed women to concentrate on productivity because that is what is valued by society. We find it harder to be in tune with being receptive to a man’s contributions. Society has changed women to a certain extent in their ability to to receive gifts, pleasure, compliments, care and attention. Women being receptive allows men to be men.

The most attractive quality in a woman to a man is self-confidence. The more confident you are the more attractive you are to him and the more he will want to please you. You don’t need to change yourself. He will love your curves.

Notice the men who are charmed and enchanted by you. Then consciously set them up to succeed. Then relax and most importantly appreciate his efforts.

Hi I’m Mark and I had been going to T46 for over 2 years before I met my lovely bride-to-be.

Hi I’m Mark and I had been going to T46 for over 2 years before I met my lovely bride-to-be.

We met on a Saturday night and having gone through my usual pattern of being excited in the lead-up, followed by feelings of uncertainty trying to find excuses about why I should not go, I arrived on time.  It was a great restaurant and once inside, I knew it would be fun.  It was a good group and because most of us had not driven – we could have a few drinks without worrying about driving (these dinners were always a lot of fun).

At the end of the evening, I called my son to pick me up – it came as no surprise that he had hooked up with mates and was far too busy.  So as the group parted, we worked out who was going in which direction. It turned out that the girl beside me (who seemed very pleasant) lived in the next suburb and she agreed to share a taxi.  It was a wonderful ride home –we sat well apart and chatted.  The ride was over in a flash – she smiled, said good night and was gone.  It was a long weekend so I didn’t have my chance to see if she was interested until Tuesday – a long wait.

As it turned out, she was just as keen to meet up again.  We met up the next weekend to go into the city. When she saw me on the train station, she gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek – and we have not looked back from that moment……………..she calls me her taxi guy.

We have been together 15 months and will be married this week….it was her first and only dinner.

Great outcomes from our dinners


This week I decided to call one of our male members who wasn’t responding to invitations to dinner. I asked if he was dating, or just too busy to go to dinner. He replied that he is happily dating a lovely lady. I have learned to ask if they met at one of our dinners, as often this isn’t mentioned. “No” was his reply. “I met her through someone I met at a dinner.”

That’s a great outcome! Attending our dinners has many different outcomes.

Here’s another feedback received this week..

Hi Margaret,
Aside from my initial nerves , I have to say I really had an awesome ‘event’ experience , owing to the gregarious natures of my dining ‘friends’!!!

I loved the Restaurant, having lived here for a long while, it was my first time  there, I can’t believe it has escaped me !!
I would rate the Restaurant a sound 8 /10.

As of my overall  enjoyment of my dining experience with these 4 eclectic people , I found it exhilarating to say the least.
I would rate my experience a sound 9 /10.

I found everyone quite lovely , X was very nice ,( I would consider seeing him again !!)

On the night though, my stand out person at the table was Y… Now he really caught my eye !! and he was SO nice and stayed with me until my lift arrived …wasn’t that cute ?
So if he wanted to get in touch ……I’d be happy to hear from him. :) :)

A and B were both wonderful too , especially A she was a really nice person , it would be great to catch up with her for a cuppa one day .

Thank you for my first dining experience with A Table For Six!
Regards (name withheld).