Category Archives: Relationships

Why is it often lost? Men and women want the same closeness in a relationship

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Men and women are wired differently and fear and shame can cause a loving close relationship to become disconnected. This interesting information is from a book called “Why women talk and men walk” by Patricia Love and Steven Stosny.

Image of beautiful scene of sunset and backs of couple of hikers enjoying it
Research and clinical experiences show that men and women clearly want the same closeness and connection from a relationship. So why do many couples end up feeling like they have lost that closeness they felt early in their relationship?

The male – female disconnection is the biggest factor in the soaring divorce rate. Some 80% of divorcees say they “grew apart” – tragic and unnecessary.

Female orientated attempts are often aimed at “talking” to her man. But this is often a huge failure. Because their problem is not about “communication.” It’s about disconnection. They are disconnected because they have poor communication; they have poor communication because they are disconnected. In a new relationship, when they felt connected, they talked for hours on end. She exposed vulnerable feelings to him, he responded with protectiveness and support. She fell in love because she felt emotionally connected to him, and her belief that he would be there for her quelled all her fears.

He fell in love because he felt emotionally connected to her. She made him feel important and successful as a lover, protector and provider, which reduced any threat of feeling inadequate.

The best chance of saving a disconnected relationship is to return to this state of mutually soothing and empowering connection.

Though powerful and pervasive, your fear and shame are not the deepest or most important things about you. Much deeper is the compassionate, loving part of you that was so active when you were a child and when you were first in love. It’s still there, although hidden beneath resentment that can make you fight and fear and shame that can make you resentful. Know that the warm glow is still within you, waiting to ignite your spirit.

Get my weekly blog here
Margaret Newitt
www.atableforsix.com.au
info@atableforsix.com.au
1300 885 311
License 3338670

A Table for Six

Meet at dinner? 8 good reasons

  • Who will I meet at dinner? Before you attend our dinners, remind yourself that you may meet the man/woman of your dreams. But, even if you don’t, he/she may live next door to them. Or, you never know, he/she may invite you along to meet a group of their friends with lots of interesting singles. Someone at dinner may just inspire you to get involved with a hobby or interest you have been putting off for so long. They may inspire you to book that trip to Europe you have been dreaming of.
    It’s important to be pro-active in  going out to meet at dinner, but it’s not possible to know how a partner may appear to you. The most important thing is to remember that even if you don’t meet a partner at a particular dinner, it will lead to new, diverse, interesting experiences you would never have enjoyed and discovered if you hadn’t attended.Mid age couples enjoying meal
    This is who you will meet at dinner.

    They are tired of Singles who lie about wanting a real, long term relationship.

    They need opportunities for Singles to meet at dinner where there’s no pressure and it’s all about having fun and making new connections first.

    They crave meeting people and having that feeling of “Ah, these people really get me.”

    They haven’t been able to figure out where to find all the decent Singles who have dealt with their baggage and have an open heart.

    They struggle to deal with Singles who just want to be able to tick off their list of requirements.

    They secretly yearn to meet someone who makes the journey seem like the time is right, the place is right and the connection is definitely right.

    They are looking for their new best friend.

    They want to have that special connection with a partner who treats them with love and kindness, expressed through kind thoughts, loving words and kind actions.

    “Promise me you’ll always remember: You’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”
    — A.A. Milne
    Do any of these resonate with you?
    Are there any others you would add to our list?
    Is that the sort of person you are?

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    Margaret Newitt
    www.atableforsix.com.au
    info@atableforsix.com.au
    1300 885 311

Do you need a nudge to make a change this year?

We had a lot of success partnering our members up last year. Our testimonial page and Reviews have a list of many happy couples that have met via A Table for Six. We also heard from members who met through other means, but they said  that attending our dinners gave them the confidence in their lives that made all the difference. Our members tell us that they enjoy the dinners so much because they find them relaxed and fun. The pressure they feel with internet dating isn’t there at our dinners. It’s all about the group enjoying some single company and conversation over dinner.
http://www.dreamstime.com/royalty-free-stock-image-happy-couple-celebrating-wine-image29650836
I never tire of hearing the members feedback and hearing of their enjoyment. We love to hear the good stories from our happy members.

Do you ever feel as though there is someone out there that you could be deeply connected to? Someone that you haven’t met yet?

happy young couple relax at home

If you are like most people who are single (and would prefer not to be), in spite of this wonderful sense of possibility, you also struggle with the challenge of how to bring this beloved person into your life. You may feel disappointed, frustrated, confused and even pain sometimes because they are not in your life yet.

I’m not usually a country music fan, but I caught a few lines of a song by Adam Brandt called “There will be love” that says it all. ” There will be love in our lives, just as long as we are willing to try.”

If any of that sounds familiar to you, we have helped people who thought they would never have success in dating again. Perhaps you need a nudge in the right direction, or you fear you are the least likely to succeed in dating.

Just remember, you don’t need to change anything externally about yourself or your life.  You only need to let go of those obstacles you have that are holding you back. Instead of spending another year hoping for love that doesn’t show up, you can contact us so that we can organise to have you out and meeting our fabulous members at dinners as soon as this weekend. You’ll be amazed by how quickly it can happen.

If you haven’t finalised your list for 2016 yet, I want to invite you to make a commitment to yourself… A commitment that you’ll make this year the one you look back on as the year you made a change in your life.

Will the 6th person you date be the one?

The first person you go on a date with most probably won’t be The One. And the sixth one probably won’t be either. That’s why it’s good to keep your options open and date as many new people as possible.

To know if someone is right for you, you need to have dated a number of people and to be able to recognise when someone is “wrong” for you. You can’t make informed decisions unless you have something to compare your experience to.

It doesn’t hurt to say “yes” when your contact details are requested from someone you met at dinner. You are not leading them on when you say “yes” to catching up for a coffee or drink. It is purely giving yourself the opportunity to spend time with them and get to know them a little better.

Meeting, spending time with and dating a number of people will help you to bring your A Game when you do meet someone who can be a suitable partner for you.

After all, there are many facets of richness to be found in love. Whether you are falling in live, finding comfort in long-term love with a person, having your heart broken, happy young couple relax at home grieving the loss of a relationship, there is always value to be found in every level of love and all  our experiences with it.  Some of the feelings will be wonderful and some may even be horrendous, but it’s all good for us and all helps us to learn, grow and change.

We are never guaranteed of being protected from emotional pain or loss forever. “The practice of love offers no place of safety. We risk loss, hurt, pain. We risk being acted upon by forces outside our control.” ~ Bell Hooks from All about love:New visions-

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Date as many people as possible this week.A Table for Six
Margaret Newitt
www.atableforsix.com.au
info@atableforsix.com.au
1300 885 311
Lic no 3338670

Would you like to meet someone who really gets you?

Do you ever feel as though you would like to meet someone who gets you? You know the feeling when you meet someone new and you really have the feeling that this person is listening and actually hearing what you are saying. You feel as though they are, if even for a moment, stepping into your shoes and experiencing your journey.

Or, would you like to meet people or a partner who appreciates what you do for them? People who acknowledge what you bring to their life? They value the time you set aside to help you move house, or even the time they happily took you out when you were feeling a little low.

Neale Donald Walsch, the author of the “Conversations with God” series of books, has this message for us: Be the source. In his “conversations”, he received this message: “I was advised by God to no longer be the Seeker, but to be the Source in the life of another of that which I had been seeking in my own life. “What flows through you, sticks to you.”

Most of us have heard the message: Do unto others, as you would have it done unto you. I think most of us interpret this as meaning that if you wish to be treated well, you should treat others well. But, Walsch interprets this to have a further meaning. “When you cause others to have the experience that you wish to have, you, too, must eventually have it.”

We have most probably read that you cannot give away that which you do not have. But it turns out that the act of giving something to another causes you to notice that you have it to give- and that you had it all along.

Walsch says that once he got this message, everything began to make sense- including the teaching that none of us is really “creating” anything, but merely noticing that is already there.

If you would like to experience a grander, more loving, more fulfilled version of yourself, this will come back to you. See the best version of another and let them know that you see it. Help them to see the grandest version of themselves by being a mirror and showing them their reflection.

Many people have listened to people who have told them they are not good enough. They have told themselves the same story and now believe it is true. If you are someone who gives others a rich experience of who they really are, you will be enriched as well.

Blessings

Margaret Newitt

www.atableforsix.com.au

1300 885 311

info@atableforsix.com.au

Lic no 3338670

What if everyone was interesting and attractive?

I received an email today from one of our lovely members. She (let’s name her Sally) has noticed how much I love to send inspiring messages to our members. My motivation in sending these messages, is that someone reading may hear something they needed to hear at that time. Something that could make a difference in their lives and their experience at our A Table for Six dinners. Sometimes, it’s just a matter of timing and being open to getting a different result.

Sally was kind enough to share with me a short UTube video called “What if everyone was interesting and attractive” by English writer and life coach John-Paul Flintoff. In Sally’s own words ” This UTube movie is a wonderful reminder, I feel, that our biases affect the experience we have of the people we meet.  Before I left home for the dinner on Saturday evening I replayed ‘What if everyone was interesting and attractive’ to help me have uppermost in my mind that, in fact, that is true – each person you meet has wonderful things to share with you that you can enjoy and learn from, if your mindset is positive and open.”

As Sally said, “You can have a great evening out and be ‘in the moment’ and fully present to each person – without necessarily leaping from that to decisions about ‘partner’. I think if people are willing to put such decisions and judgements to one side, they can enjoy your service more than if they arrive at the table out to assess everyone, don’t you think!”

Please take 15 minutes to listen to this video. Oh, and did Sally enjoy the dinner? Yes, and in fact everyone at the table has responded that they had a very enjoyable evening.

Blessings

Margaret Newitt

Franchisor

www.atableforsix.com.au

Lic no 3338670

Communication

What is it that makes us want a close relationship? Is it someone to share those special moments with? We want more out of a relationship than just beautiful, romantic holiday photos. We want someone to share a vision and a future. Someone to share an insight into the meaning of life.

It’s natural to look for someone that kind of synergy. If we find it, it can be nurtured with effective communication. As an individual, we can only go so far in learning about the boundaries we have created for ourselves. But our close relationships teach us the most about ourselves and the world.

Falling in love is often a matter of chemistry. We are attracted to a person by forces outside of our conscious awareness. We meet someone and depending on how things work out, we may commit to them. However, what make s the difference to the success and longevity of the relationship isn’t determination to stick to together no matter what. It is how effectively we relate to each other.

The true strength of any relationship depends on how resilient it is in handling all of the circumstances life can and does throw at it. A relationship that makes a conscious effort to nurture rapport will have a much better chance of not only surviving, but thriving in any circumstance.

Here are some strategies that can help;

Courtesy It sounds simple, but just allowing someone to speak without interrupting or judging them is one of the most important gifts we can give another. Too often we are eager to interrupt and give our side of the issue. Listening and acknowledging you hear and understand how they feel builds a bridge and allows for healthy communication.

Responsibility No one else can make you feel a certain way. “You make me angry when you forget to pick up your clothes.” gives someone else the power over how you feel. Explaining that you feel overwhelmed and unable to cope with all the chores would be a more workable suggestion. Moving towards a solution like “Perhaps we could hire someone to help once a week.”

Honest and assertive expression We can’t expect any other human being to guess how we feel abut certain circumstances. Even the most dedicated partner won’t anticipate every time we need help or feel upset about something. Becoming angry or disappointed will only produce confusion and misunderstanding. It’s best to present our desires and needs directly with manipulation.

Flow A favourite little phrase of mine is “With ease and grace” It’s much easier to take things as they come. things have a way of working them selves out if we get out of the way for that to happen. Resisting waht comes up just adds weight t our problems. What seems a huge problem can look very different after a good nights sleep. If your partner seems unhappy or not communication well, give them some space. They will be most likely to work through it themselves. We can roll with each other’s moods without getting drawn into them. Keep the lines of communication open while giving some space will help move through this with a fair amount of ease.

Making a relationship a priority and finding common ground will go along way to building a strong relationship.

Blessings

Margaret Newitt

www.atableforsix.com.au

1300 885 311

 

If you manage a relationship with the inspiration to improve, appreciate, connect, or protect, it will florish.

We are continuing on with exploring  how male and females are wired differently in relation to how they react in their significant relationships. The interesting information is from a book called “Why women talk and men walk.”

The differences are present at birth with baby girls, from day one being more sensitive to isolation and lack of contact. This could have evolved as an important survival skill so that females kept in contact with their offspring and also with others in the group who could protect her. A woman could have fallen prey if left alone, so over the millennia, females developed an internal GPS that keeps them aware of closeness and distance in  all of their relationships.

When a woman feels close, she can relax, when she feels distant, she feels anxious. This heightened sensitivity to isolation makes a female react strongly to another person’s anger, withdrawal, silence, or other sign of unavailability. To be out of contact can be frightening.

Men have a hard time understanding a woman’s fear and the pain associated with it. One reason is that a woman’s fear provokes shame in a man: “You shouldn’t be afraid with me as your protector!” This is why he gets angry when she gets anxious or upset. But men also just don’t know what a woman’s fear feels like.

It is not our innate differences in fear and shame that drive us apart: it is how we manage the differences. If you manage them with criticism, defensiveness, withdrawal, or blame, your relationship will fail: it’s as simple as that. If you manage them with the inspiration to improve, appreciate, connect, or protect, your relationship will flourish. But it takes some conscious attention to overcome the force of habits that began forming very early in your life.

 

Men and women want the same closeness in a relationship-so why is it often lost?

Last week I wrote about how men and women are wired differently and how fear and shame can cause a loving close relationship to become disconnected. This interesting information is from a book called “Why women talk and men walk” by Patricia Love and Steven Stosny.

Research and clinical experiences show that men and women clearly want the same closeness and connection from a relationship. So why do many couples end up feeling like they have lost that closeness they felt early in their relationship?

The male – female disconnection is the biggest factor in the soaring divorce rate. Some 80% of divorcees say they “grew apart” – tragic and unnecessary.

Female orientated attempts are often aimed at “talking” to her man. But this is often a huge failure. Because their problem is not about “communication.” It’s about disconnection. They are disconnected because they have poor communication; they have poor communication because they are disconnected. In a new relationship, when they felt connected, they talked for hours on end. She exposed vulnerable feelings to him, he responded with protectiveness and support. She fell in love because she felt emotionally connected to him, and her belief that he would be there for her quelled all her fears.

He fell in love because he felt emotionally connected to her. She made him feel important and successful as a lover, protector and provider, which reduced any threat of feeling inadequate.

The best chance of saving a disconnected relationship is to return to this state of mutually soothing and empowering connection.

My next newsletter will talk about how to regain a deep connection and perhaps even at a deeper level.

Create your own results

I have a single friend who watches too many current affairs TV shows. She talks a lot about how it’s so difficult to meet a partner today. Even talks about how people are being conned by unscrupulous people who pretend to be something they are not and take unsuspecting single’s money.

Her whole attitude oozes, “Why even try to go out and meet a partner? It’s too hard. If I go to bars, there are only losers there. Or they end up being married.”

While I understand how she feels (we’ve all felt that way at times), it’s important to take a moment to put things into perspective.

We all create our own outcomes. And while we should be aware of what is going on in the singles world, you should put your focus on creating your own results.

Why not shift your mindset from one of “it’s too hard” and fixing what’s wrong, to one of focusing on what you really want. Decide that this is the year you create a life of supportive friends and or a loving partner.

But you can’t just talk about it. You’ve got to move your body and take action.

I invite you to turn off the TV, contact us and find out about how you can take advantage of our dinners and events to meet singles just like you.

If you contact me, I will discuss what it takes to make changes in your life, how to tame those fears that may surface along the way, and how to ensure you stay in the positive mindset. Otherwise, you may fall back into thinking it’s all too hard.