Category Archives: dating optimism

Would you like to meet someone who really gets you?

Do you ever feel as though you would like to meet someone who gets you? You know the feeling when you meet someone new and you really have the feeling that this person is listening and actually hearing what you are saying. You feel as though they are, if even for a moment, stepping into your shoes and experiencing your journey.

Or, would you like to meet people or a partner who appreciates what you do for them? People who acknowledge what you bring to their life? They value the time you set aside to help you move house, or even the time they happily took you out when you were feeling a little low.

Neale Donald Walsch, the author of the “Conversations with God” series of books, has this message for us: Be the source. In his “conversations”, he received this message: “I was advised by God to no longer be the Seeker, but to be the Source in the life of another of that which I had been seeking in my own life. “What flows through you, sticks to you.”

Most of us have heard the message: Do unto others, as you would have it done unto you. I think most of us interpret this as meaning that if you wish to be treated well, you should treat others well. But, Walsch interprets this to have a further meaning. “When you cause others to have the experience that you wish to have, you, too, must eventually have it.”

We have most probably read that you cannot give away that which you do not have. But it turns out that the act of giving something to another causes you to notice that you have it to give- and that you had it all along.

Walsch says that once he got this message, everything began to make sense- including the teaching that none of us is really “creating” anything, but merely noticing that is already there.

If you would like to experience a grander, more loving, more fulfilled version of yourself, this will come back to you. See the best version of another and let them know that you see it. Help them to see the grandest version of themselves by being a mirror and showing them their reflection.

Many people have listened to people who have told them they are not good enough. They have told themselves the same story and now believe it is true. If you are someone who gives others a rich experience of who they really are, you will be enriched as well.

Blessings

Margaret Newitt

www.atableforsix.com.au

1300 885 311

info@atableforsix.com.au

Lic no 3338670

Are your friends holding you back from a great relationship?

6 ways to move from single to lots of possible relationships

Do you love to get together with your friends and complain about how hard it is to meet a partner?

Does it regularly turn into a whinge session when you and your friends are relaxing and should be having a good time? Does the conversation almost always turns to “Where are all the decent, intelligent guys who aren’t married” or  “Why aren’t there any outgoing, fun loving, attractive ladies out there?” It’s a perfect opportunity to share stories of the strange people you met with online dating. You can compete for the best horror story about how you fell for a sweet, interesting girl/guy who seemed like real relationship material, only to find out they were married or a drug addict.

In no time at all you can work yourselves up  into a state of misery and start singing “Poor, poor pitiful me.”  Misery loves company and it is a coping strategy. But do you really think this is going to help your situation?

Why not be an example to your friends and change the dynamics next time you are together? Here are some suggestions that will put a different slant on the situation and maybe gain a different outcome.

If you say something enough times, it becomes true. If you constantly say that it’s too hard to meet suitable partners, that will be your truth because you won’t even see them when they are staring you in the face.

Challenge your friends to adopt a more positive attitude. Show your friends that having the right attitude will bring a different outcome – Knowing that your partner is out there and will arrive at the right time.

There is usually a leader in any group who takes the first step in a different direction. You can be that leader and be an inspiration to them. You can inspire your friends to dream more, learn more, do more and become more.

If there is a need to vent and get something off your chest, set a time limit. Two minutes should be the limit and then move the conversation on to the fun activities you have planned.

You can stick with “I’m picky”, “The best ones are all married” or “There’s not enough single men/women in my area”. But that isn’t leading you to your desired outcome.

Do you or your friends really make an effort to change things. Many singles say they do, but one of the biggest things keeping them in the same place is lack of action. Are you going to singles events and our fabulous dinners?

An ancient native proverb goes:

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, “My son, the battle is between two “wolves” inside us all.

One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: “Which wolf wins?” The old Cherokee simply replied,

“The one you feed.”

Blessings

Margaret Newitt

Franchisor

www.atableforsix.com.au

info@atableforsix.com.au

Ph 1300 885 311

lic no 3338670

 

Have you decided you are not dating right now?

When we were children , we had big dreams. We believed we could be anything  we wished and could have anything we desired.
What happened to those dreams?
Life inevitably sends us knocks. And then fear and doubt chip away at our dreams until they’re reduced to memories and wishes that might have been.
There are always choices. Every day we are sent opportunities, but we don’t always recognise them.
There is always a choice of which path to take. Take the same path you are familiar with and know what to expect. Or another path that is unknown and may be uncomfortable.
There’s no right or wrong. But  to never try something new or different is to play small and to rob life of the excitement of changes and challenges.

Anything that we do for the first time can be scary or difficult. It can never be as scary once you have faced your fears. One thing that we don’t think about is that there’s only one first time.
Every time we take a step out of our comfort zone to do something we haven’t done before, we always learn more than we expected to.

How do I know if I am taking the easy road? How do I know if I am choosing not to date right now?

Do you regularly do any of these activities to meet singles?

  • go to the niche places where you could meet singles. Join clubs, take classes, volunteer or do any of the things that would put singles in front of you?
  • start conversations or say a friendly “Hi” to people you meet as you go about your daily life?
  • attend social events to increase your chances of meeting someone new?
  • plan some social events with your friends and see who shows up. Make it clear new people are welcome?
  • accept every invitation to a party, wedding or gathering you are given?
  • attend community groups that services other people with a similar interests?
  • talk to people in your local coffee shop?

Without trying some new places to meet singles, you have decided you are not dating at the moment.

When we venture to places we have never been before, doing something we haven’t done before, our experience of the world expands. Usually we learn a lot more about ourselves and how we have been holding ourselves back.

Our A Table for Six dinners are a great way to meet singles, make friends or meet a partner. Explore new opportunities and make your dreams come true.

Opportunity dances with those on the dance floor.” — Anonymous

Blessings

Margaret Newitt

www.atableforsix.com.au

1300 88 53 11

Lic no 3338670

Millions of people have happy relationships- why shouldn’t you?

If you have been single for a while, perhaps you have registered on an online dating site. Or maybe you have been out with your girlfriends or mates hoping to meet someone. You got excited at first when you received a lot of messages on the online site. You even met a few people for coffee or a drink. But they weren’t anything like you were expecting them to be. Or you may have dated a couple of them for a while.

But after knowing them for a time, you found that the information they had given wasn’t exactly true. They said they were financially stable, but then you found out they had nothing but debts. They said they were ready for a real relationship, but they actually were still living with their ex.

So you decided

Dating means disappointment

Dating means hurt

Dating is hard work

So you decide to take a well deserved break from dating.

You fill up your life with friends, family, work and travel. – another two years pass by.

You notice your friends are finding their special partner so you decide to dip your toe in the water of dating again.

But your previous experience tells you that relationships cause pain.

Don’t build your conclusions on a narrow field of experience. Millions of people have happy relationships. And if some people can be blissfully happy, why shouldn’t you be?

It’s true that dating involves some luck, timing, chemistry, similar goals and values. But people fall in love everyday. So if it hasn’t happened to you yet, it means that you need to meet more people.

If you were job hunting, you wouldn’t stop applying for positions because you hadn’t found the right position.

Our dinners will give you the opportunity to meet other singles in person in a relaxed, friendly environment. It’s time to step out, act confident and know you won’t fail.

Men and women want the same closeness in a relationship-so why is it often lost?

Last week I wrote about how men and women are wired differently and how fear and shame can cause a loving close relationship to become disconnected. This interesting information is from a book called “Why women talk and men walk” by Patricia Love and Steven Stosny.

Research and clinical experiences show that men and women clearly want the same closeness and connection from a relationship. So why do many couples end up feeling like they have lost that closeness they felt early in their relationship?

The male – female disconnection is the biggest factor in the soaring divorce rate. Some 80% of divorcees say they “grew apart” – tragic and unnecessary.

Female orientated attempts are often aimed at “talking” to her man. But this is often a huge failure. Because their problem is not about “communication.” It’s about disconnection. They are disconnected because they have poor communication; they have poor communication because they are disconnected. In a new relationship, when they felt connected, they talked for hours on end. She exposed vulnerable feelings to him, he responded with protectiveness and support. She fell in love because she felt emotionally connected to him, and her belief that he would be there for her quelled all her fears.

He fell in love because he felt emotionally connected to her. She made him feel important and successful as a lover, protector and provider, which reduced any threat of feeling inadequate.

The best chance of saving a disconnected relationship is to return to this state of mutually soothing and empowering connection.

My next newsletter will talk about how to regain a deep connection and perhaps even at a deeper level.

Create your own results

I have a single friend who watches too many current affairs TV shows. She talks a lot about how it’s so difficult to meet a partner today. Even talks about how people are being conned by unscrupulous people who pretend to be something they are not and take unsuspecting single’s money.

Her whole attitude oozes, “Why even try to go out and meet a partner? It’s too hard. If I go to bars, there are only losers there. Or they end up being married.”

While I understand how she feels (we’ve all felt that way at times), it’s important to take a moment to put things into perspective.

We all create our own outcomes. And while we should be aware of what is going on in the singles world, you should put your focus on creating your own results.

Why not shift your mindset from one of “it’s too hard” and fixing what’s wrong, to one of focusing on what you really want. Decide that this is the year you create a life of supportive friends and or a loving partner.

But you can’t just talk about it. You’ve got to move your body and take action.

I invite you to turn off the TV, contact us and find out about how you can take advantage of our dinners and events to meet singles just like you.

If you contact me, I will discuss what it takes to make changes in your life, how to tame those fears that may surface along the way, and how to ensure you stay in the positive mindset. Otherwise, you may fall back into thinking it’s all too hard.

Do you need a nudge to make a change this year?

We had a lot of success partnering our members up last year. Our testimonial page has a list of many happy couples that have met via A Table for Six. We also heard from members who met through other means, but they said  that attending our dinners gave them the confidence in their lives that made all the difference. Our members tell us that they enjoy the dinners so much because they find them relaxed, and fun. The pressure they feel with internet dating isn’t there at our dinners. It’s all about the group enjoying some single company and conversation over dinner.

 

I never tire of hearing the members feedback and hearing of their enjoyment. We love to hear the good stories from our happy members.


Do you ever feel as though there is someone out there that you could be deeply connected to-Someone that you haven’t met yet?

If you’re like most people who are single (and would prefer not to be), in spite of this wonderful sense of possibility, you also struggle with the challenge of how to bring this beloved person into your life. You may feel disappointed, frustrated, confused and even pain sometimes because they are not in your life yet.
I’m not usually a country music fan, but I caught a few lines of a song by Adam Brandt called “There will be love” that says it all. ” There will be love in our lives, just as long as we are willing to try.

If any of that sounds familiar to you, we have helped people who thought they would never have success in dating again. Perhaps you need a nudge in the right direction, or you fear you are the least likely to succeed in dating.
Just remember, you don’t need to change anything externally about yourself or your life.  You only need to let go of those obstacles you have that are holding you back. Instead of spending another year hoping for love that doesn’t show up, you can contact us so that we can organise to have you out and meeting our fabulous members at dinners as soon as this weekend. You’ll be amazed by how quickly it can happen.

If you haven’t finalised your list for 2013 yet, I want to invite you to make a commitment to yourself… A commitment that you’ll make this year the one you look back on as the year you made a change in your life.

Another good news story from A Table for Six

Here’s another good news story from our A Table for Six dinners.

S told me she had dated a lot in her 20’s and felt there were plenty of guys to choose from. She settled down and married and was in her marriage for 20 odd years until it broke up for various reasons. She found herself single again and in her late 40’s. S found the dating scene at this age to be very different than when he was in her 20’s. Yes there were men to date, but having the checklist she had in her 20’s just wasn’t realistic now. She didn’t want to date anyone who had dependent children, didn’t have the same interests as she had or didn’t share the same religious beliefs. This proved to be very unsuccessful for S.

Eventually S realised that she could have a strict checklist and be lonely or she could become more realistic and be open to meeting men who could offer her genuine love and commitment even though they might not fit the exact profile she had in mind. S decided to be open to the men she met who were gentlemen and showed interest in her. We noticed the change in her feedback from dinners and about 4 months ago she met R at a dinner. They have been dating since then and they let us know that they are very serious about their relationship and very in love. If S had kept to her list, he would never have got to know R. They have differences but their core values are the same.

We are happy for them and look forward to hearing how their relationship progresses. We love hearing about and passing on our good news stories.

Opposites attract or similar perspective successful long term relationship?

We’ve all heard the saying “opposites attract”. It has always been an interesting one because we all know long term happy couples who seem to be opposites and others who seem to be very much alike.

Well a report I have read in a phychology magazine does throw some light on the subject. According to the report, the key to a happy, healthy relationship is choosing someone who is, quite frankly, a lot like you – a person who validates your existing views and habits rather than trying to change them.

Reports have repeatedly underscored the role of homogany – shared values, personality traits, economic background, and religion, as well as closeness in age – in romantic success. The more a couple shares a similar perspective, says Glenn Wilson, a psychologist at Gresham College in London, the less conflict there’s likely to be in their relationship.

Wilson  developed a compatibility questionaire that reveals a wide range of preferences regarding lifestyle, politics, child-rearing, morality and finances. He found that partners whose answers are comparable are more likely to report satisfaction with their love lives.

But, regardless of how well the two score on compatibility tests, you need to feel a spark of attraction – something that can come from the differences between your partner’s interests and passions and your own. (Such as you like photography and cooking, she likes hiking) “Homogany” is important for long-term satisfaction, but differences in interests really makes a difference in terms of chemistry,” says Givertz. “When couples are overly similar it can be a little bit of a brother-sister relationship- really predictable, without a lot of novelty.”

So what is the happy medium? Seek out a partner whose passions differ enough to expand your experience, but with whom you are aligned on important big-picture issues like how to show affection, what constitutes a moral life, and how to raise children.

How important is a woman to a man?

Having a successful relationship means relating to the other gender. If you are a man that means relating to women and if you are a woman that means relating to men. Male/female differences and similarities are very complicated.

Most of us don’t really have a very good understanding of why and how the other gender behave the way they do. We judge them by how our gender thinks.

How often have we girls been involved in or overheard a group of girls complaining about their men? I’m not so sure that men do this as often as we girls do. The main reason that this is such a common topic of conversation is that they feel like their behaviour doesn’t match the fairytale image they had in their head.

Speaking with so many single people who become members of a Table for Six prompted me to do some study on male/female behaviour. What I have learned is fascinating and great news for both genders.

We think that men are a certain way and their behaviour is set and always the same. But what if men were responding to women? What if what women are doing is causing a man to fall in love with them or keep a distance?

A man’s motivation (the ones we should trust) are duty, obligation and honour. If that isn’t their motivation then steer clear of them. Most women don’t know how much a man is compelled to make a woman happy. He judges himself by his ability to make a woman happy. It is more important to him than a promotion at work or any sporting achievement. The approval of his woman is better than anything for a man.

Women don’t know how much we mean to men – Our beauty, admiration, love and our willingness to let men give us pleasure. We need to let them know they made us happy. Our receptiveness to his contributions to us will make him feel valued. But our culture has changed women to concentrate on productivity because that is what is valued by society. We find it harder to be in tune with being receptive to a man’s contributions. Society has changed women to a certain extent in their ability to to receive gifts, pleasure, compliments, care and attention. Women being receptive allows men to be men.

The most attractive quality in a woman to a man is self-confidence. The more confident you are the more attractive you are to him and the more he will want to please you. You don’t need to change yourself. He will love your curves.

Notice the men who are charmed and enchanted by you. Then consciously set them up to succeed. Then relax and most importantly appreciate his efforts.