Category Archives: dating optimism

Men and women want the same closeness in a relationship-so why is it often lost?

Last week I wrote about how men and women are wired differently and how fear and shame can cause a loving close relationship to become disconnected. This interesting information is from a book called “Why women talk and men walk” by Patricia Love and Steven Stosny.

Research and clinical experiences show that men and women clearly want the same closeness and connection from a relationship. So why do many couples end up feeling like they have lost that closeness they felt early in their relationship?

The male – female disconnection is the biggest factor in the soaring divorce rate. Some 80% of divorcees say they “grew apart” – tragic and unnecessary.

Female orientated attempts are often aimed at “talking” to her man. But this is often a huge failure. Because their problem is not about “communication.” It’s about disconnection. They are disconnected because they have poor communication; they have poor communication because they are disconnected. In a new relationship, when they felt connected, they talked for hours on end. She exposed vulnerable feelings to him, he responded with protectiveness and support. She fell in love because she felt emotionally connected to him, and her belief that he would be there for her quelled all her fears.

He fell in love because he felt emotionally connected to her. She made him feel important and successful as a lover, protector and provider, which reduced any threat of feeling inadequate.

The best chance of saving a disconnected relationship is to return to this state of mutually soothing and empowering connection.

My next newsletter will talk about how to regain a deep connection and perhaps even at a deeper level.

Create your own results

I have a single friend who watches too many current affairs TV shows. She talks a lot about how it’s so difficult to meet a partner today. Even talks about how people are being conned by unscrupulous people who pretend to be something they are not and take unsuspecting single’s money.

Her whole attitude oozes, “Why even try to go out and meet a partner? It’s too hard. If I go to bars, there are only losers there. Or they end up being married.”

While I understand how she feels (we’ve all felt that way at times), it’s important to take a moment to put things into perspective.

We all create our own outcomes. And while we should be aware of what is going on in the singles world, you should put your focus on creating your own results.

Why not shift your mindset from one of “it’s too hard” and fixing what’s wrong, to one of focusing on what you really want. Decide that this is the year you create a life of supportive friends and or a loving partner.

But you can’t just talk about it. You’ve got to move your body and take action.

I invite you to turn off the TV, contact us and find out about how you can take advantage of our dinners and events to meet singles just like you.

If you contact me, I will discuss what it takes to make changes in your life, how to tame those fears that may surface along the way, and how to ensure you stay in the positive mindset. Otherwise, you may fall back into thinking it’s all too hard.

Do you need a nudge to make a change this year?

We had a lot of success partnering our members up last year. Our testimonial page has a list of many happy couples that have met via A Table for Six. We also heard from members who met through other means, but they said  that attending our dinners gave them the confidence in their lives that made all the difference. Our members tell us that they enjoy the dinners so much because they find them relaxed, and fun. The pressure they feel with internet dating isn’t there at our dinners. It’s all about the group enjoying some single company and conversation over dinner.

 

I never tire of hearing the members feedback and hearing of their enjoyment. We love to hear the good stories from our happy members.


Do you ever feel as though there is someone out there that you could be deeply connected to-Someone that you haven’t met yet?

If you’re like most people who are single (and would prefer not to be), in spite of this wonderful sense of possibility, you also struggle with the challenge of how to bring this beloved person into your life. You may feel disappointed, frustrated, confused and even pain sometimes because they are not in your life yet.
I’m not usually a country music fan, but I caught a few lines of a song by Adam Brandt called “There will be love” that says it all. ” There will be love in our lives, just as long as we are willing to try.

If any of that sounds familiar to you, we have helped people who thought they would never have success in dating again. Perhaps you need a nudge in the right direction, or you fear you are the least likely to succeed in dating.
Just remember, you don’t need to change anything externally about yourself or your life.  You only need to let go of those obstacles you have that are holding you back. Instead of spending another year hoping for love that doesn’t show up, you can contact us so that we can organise to have you out and meeting our fabulous members at dinners as soon as this weekend. You’ll be amazed by how quickly it can happen.

If you haven’t finalised your list for 2013 yet, I want to invite you to make a commitment to yourself… A commitment that you’ll make this year the one you look back on as the year you made a change in your life.

Another good news story from A Table for Six

Here’s another good news story from our A Table for Six dinners.

S told me she had dated a lot in her 20’s and felt there were plenty of guys to choose from. She settled down and married and was in her marriage for 20 odd years until it broke up for various reasons. She found herself single again and in her late 40’s. S found the dating scene at this age to be very different than when he was in her 20’s. Yes there were men to date, but having the checklist she had in her 20’s just wasn’t realistic now. She didn’t want to date anyone who had dependent children, didn’t have the same interests as she had or didn’t share the same religious beliefs. This proved to be very unsuccessful for S.

Eventually S realised that she could have a strict checklist and be lonely or she could become more realistic and be open to meeting men who could offer her genuine love and commitment even though they might not fit the exact profile she had in mind. S decided to be open to the men she met who were gentlemen and showed interest in her. We noticed the change in her feedback from dinners and about 4 months ago she met R at a dinner. They have been dating since then and they let us know that they are very serious about their relationship and very in love. If S had kept to her list, he would never have got to know R. They have differences but their core values are the same.

We are happy for them and look forward to hearing how their relationship progresses. We love hearing about and passing on our good news stories.

Opposites attract or similar perspective successful long term relationship?

We’ve all heard the saying “opposites attract”. It has always been an interesting one because we all know long term happy couples who seem to be opposites and others who seem to be very much alike.

Well a report I have read in a phychology magazine does throw some light on the subject. According to the report, the key to a happy, healthy relationship is choosing someone who is, quite frankly, a lot like you – a person who validates your existing views and habits rather than trying to change them.

Reports have repeatedly underscored the role of homogany – shared values, personality traits, economic background, and religion, as well as closeness in age – in romantic success. The more a couple shares a similar perspective, says Glenn Wilson, a psychologist at Gresham College in London, the less conflict there’s likely to be in their relationship.

Wilson  developed a compatibility questionaire that reveals a wide range of preferences regarding lifestyle, politics, child-rearing, morality and finances. He found that partners whose answers are comparable are more likely to report satisfaction with their love lives.

But, regardless of how well the two score on compatibility tests, you need to feel a spark of attraction – something that can come from the differences between your partner’s interests and passions and your own. (Such as you like photography and cooking, she likes hiking) “Homogany” is important for long-term satisfaction, but differences in interests really makes a difference in terms of chemistry,” says Givertz. “When couples are overly similar it can be a little bit of a brother-sister relationship- really predictable, without a lot of novelty.”

So what is the happy medium? Seek out a partner whose passions differ enough to expand your experience, but with whom you are aligned on important big-picture issues like how to show affection, what constitutes a moral life, and how to raise children.

How important is a woman to a man?

Having a successful relationship means relating to the other gender. If you are a man that means relating to women and if you are a woman that means relating to men. Male/female differences and similarities are very complicated.

Most of us don’t really have a very good understanding of why and how the other gender behave the way they do. We judge them by how our gender thinks.

How often have we girls been involved in or overheard a group of girls complaining about their men? I’m not so sure that men do this as often as we girls do. The main reason that this is such a common topic of conversation is that they feel like their behaviour doesn’t match the fairytale image they had in their head.

Speaking with so many single people who become members of a Table for Six prompted me to do some study on male/female behaviour. What I have learned is fascinating and great news for both genders.

We think that men are a certain way and their behaviour is set and always the same. But what if men were responding to women? What if what women are doing is causing a man to fall in love with them or keep a distance?

A man’s motivation (the ones we should trust) are duty, obligation and honour. If that isn’t their motivation then steer clear of them. Most women don’t know how much a man is compelled to make a woman happy. He judges himself by his ability to make a woman happy. It is more important to him than a promotion at work or any sporting achievement. The approval of his woman is better than anything for a man.

Women don’t know how much we mean to men – Our beauty, admiration, love and our willingness to let men give us pleasure. We need to let them know they made us happy. Our receptiveness to his contributions to us will make him feel valued. But our culture has changed women to concentrate on productivity because that is what is valued by society. We find it harder to be in tune with being receptive to a man’s contributions. Society has changed women to a certain extent in their ability to to receive gifts, pleasure, compliments, care and attention. Women being receptive allows men to be men.

The most attractive quality in a woman to a man is self-confidence. The more confident you are the more attractive you are to him and the more he will want to please you. You don’t need to change yourself. He will love your curves.

Notice the men who are charmed and enchanted by you. Then consciously set them up to succeed. Then relax and most importantly appreciate his efforts.

Hi I’m Mark and I had been going to T46 for over 2 years before I met my lovely bride-to-be.

Hi I’m Mark and I had been going to T46 for over 2 years before I met my lovely bride-to-be.

We met on a Saturday night and having gone through my usual pattern of being excited in the lead-up, followed by feelings of uncertainty trying to find excuses about why I should not go, I arrived on time.  It was a great restaurant and once inside, I knew it would be fun.  It was a good group and because most of us had not driven – we could have a few drinks without worrying about driving (these dinners were always a lot of fun).

At the end of the evening, I called my son to pick me up – it came as no surprise that he had hooked up with mates and was far too busy.  So as the group parted, we worked out who was going in which direction. It turned out that the girl beside me (who seemed very pleasant) lived in the next suburb and she agreed to share a taxi.  It was a wonderful ride home –we sat well apart and chatted.  The ride was over in a flash – she smiled, said good night and was gone.  It was a long weekend so I didn’t have my chance to see if she was interested until Tuesday – a long wait.

As it turned out, she was just as keen to meet up again.  We met up the next weekend to go into the city. When she saw me on the train station, she gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek – and we have not looked back from that moment……………..she calls me her taxi guy.

We have been together 15 months and will be married this week….it was her first and only dinner.

Fabulous feedback received

I had a brilliant evening, thoroughly enjoyed it and didn’t want the night to end!  My first group dinner, and I was so thrilled with all the lovely people I met.  My initial apprehension and nerves quickly went out the window. I’ve just been on such a high since the dinner:-)   I found the experience to be very uplifting.

Everyone likes to feel satisfaction in the work they do. For us, it is your feedback that gives us the satisfaction that we have created something worthwhile at the dinners you attend. Making a difference to people’s life is a hugely rewarding accomplishment and one we strive for every week when putting the dinners together.

This week we have again had some 10 out of 10 ratings in the feedback from our dinners. The sample at the beginning of this article is an example which we received just this morning. She had a fantastic time.

Of course, we can do our best to put you together with other fabulous singles, but it is really up to you. So, congratulations for being such pro-active, positive people who make the most of the opportunity at dinners.

Here are some more examples of feedback received today.

I had a terrific time last night. I would say for overall enjoyment, 9/10. The meals at were fantastic, occasionally the music was slightly overpowering but I’d still rate the overall restaurant experience at 8/10.
My dinner companions were great! I wouldn’t hesitate on sharing their company again.
Thank you!

Hi Margaret the restaurant was and 8 and so was the company.  Jolly good night had by all.

Hi Margaret,

As you know this was my first evening with a Table for Six.  The weather on Saturday was extremely wet and cold to say the lest and having dinner with such lovely people was worth venturing out.  My dinner companions were absolutely lovely and  I had a thoroughly wonderful time.  I would rate my overall enjoyment at 10 out 10.   The food and service  was very good.  The restaurant is in a wonderful location and would rate the restaurant 8 out of 10.  
Thank you very much for organising the night and I’m looking forward to my next dinner with Table for Six.

 

Another wedding from A Table for Six

Margaret and MikeWhat a lovely surprise to hear news of another A TAble for Six wedding. Margaret and Mike met a couple of years ago at one of our events. Here is their story in Margaret’s words.

Margaret
I think both of us had given up hope of ever meeting anyone again.  We had
Been on our own for some time and we knew that there had to be more in
Our lives and we had been searching for some time to find a sole mate to
Complete our lives.

From that first meeting at  a lovely Sunday Lunch we knew that we had both found what we had been looking for –
After lunch we walked hand in hand along the beach (how romantic) and
It was then that we knew that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together
– it just felt right, and you know deep down in your heart when that happens.

How our life has changed in so many ways – we have never wasted a moment
We do everything together never wanting to be apart – have had many lovely
Holidays here in Australia and in the lovely romantic paradise of Bali.  Mike
Asked me to marry him in Bali in 2011 and we had that special wedding day
Here in Australia on 30th June this year surrounded by family and close friends
 and have only just returned from our honeymoon in Bali.

We sincerely thank Table for Six for bringing us together and hope that many
More members will find the peace and happiness that Mike and I have
Found in each other.

Margaret and Mike

The power of trying something new

Tonight when you lay your head on your pillow, will you feel good about the extra overtime you did? Will you feel pleased about the getting to work a little earlier and staying later to complete those extra tasks? At the end of this year when you look back, will you feel extra happiness because you were the highest achiever in your office? OR will you wish you had made time to create more pleasure in your life? Will you wonder who could have been by your side enjoying the holiday season with you?

Recently, I have been aware that for many people taking the step to join our dinner groups, or for that matter any new group of people, can be a frightening thought. People who are successful and confident in most areas of their lives can feel daunted and self conscious when it comes to taking a step to meet new friends or a partner.

Our expertise is in aiding people to get what they really want in what is the most important area of their lives. We have the vehicle and can  help you with the tools to find your new set of friends or partner. The people we work with make permanent changes in their lives.

We want our members to get out of their own way and overcome their fears. Try something new and different, so you can have the results you desire. And a different result when you lay your head on your pillow in the near future.