Category Archives: Men’s new relationship strategies

Insights from one of our male members

Insights from one of our male members

A guest blog from one of our male members

Meeting the opposite sex can be a tough and tricky business. Anyone who has lived long enough knows that. Even as young as four or five years old at kindergarten boys get into trouble for pushing a girl over in the playground when in actual fact it is more than likely only because he likes her.

Going to an AT46 function or dinner can be nerve racking – if you let it. For my first dinner, I arrived more than half an hour early (I have always been an impeccably punctual person). I walked up and down the street waiting for the minutes to tick by. Once I got settled and everyone had arrived and taken their place it was a great evening. We were one of the last groups to leave and the clock read later than 11pm. I got a phone number that night and not for the first time either.

Insights from one of our male members

Insights from one of our male members

The two points I am making here are that I was prepared as well as organised and that I clearly projected the confidence that attracted the lady. Confidence and the human brain are amazing things. When you tell yourself enough times that you “can’t” do something then you probably (or even definitely) can’t. Conversely, if you believe you are capable of something then you are. I am told that women love a confident man. However, there is a fine line between confidence and arrogance. And getting it right can be tricky business. Everybody projects confidence in different ways.

The organisation side of things is important too. I am a very organised person. I plan my weeks meals out the week before. I plan my business schedule and my leisure time schedule a week in advance also. If I have a date Saturday night I will pick out what I am wearing on Friday night. I will plan several days out from the date or the social event things such as how I am getting there, how much money I will take, what I will eat, how late I will stay out, and sometimes how much I will drink! Most of the dinners I have been to, I have been first to arrive. If you are running late, can’t find a park and lost, your night has not started well and could well just unravel from there. Planning is paramount.

First dates are interviews – informal ones. They are a chance to make a first impression as well as a lasting impression. Approximately three quarters of a first impression is non-verbal. i.e. appearance. Appearance is 100% in our own control. Dressing nice and looking good is easy. Whatever you say after that can be worked on. But, most of the time a member of the opposite sex has sized you up and been impressed or unimpressed before you even open your mouth.

I can back this up with personal experience. At an AT46 function earlier in the year I spent the overwhelming majority of the night speaking to a girl I would later date a few times. We had a fantastic night. She was the only girl I spoke to that night or even noticed. Yet I still got a contact request from another lady who did not even get to say hello, introduce herself or get to know me in any way. The first impression by appearance alone got her interested.

So I say – get your head sorted out (tell yourself there is a lot to like about you), have a shower and a shave, get dressed up, smile and the majority of the hard work of a first impression is done.

Good luck and all the very best.

A guest blog from one of our male members

Check out our upcoming dinners here

Margaret Newitt
www.atableforsix.com.auA Table for Six

 

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My #1 Most Important Ever Dating Tip

My #1 Most Important Ever Dating Tip

Let me give you a tip about dating and friendship that I have learned through 16 years of helping thousands of singles.

There is one quality that, above all determines success.
Is it wealth, intellectual  qualities, physical attractiveness? No, none of the above.
There is a quality that will ensure that in a year, your dating life will look entirely different.

This is a conversation about an old fashioned quality called “kindness”.

Here’s something interesting, I find that most people I speak to believe they are considerate, have a good sense of humour and they are good drivers. Interestingly, 99% of the people I speak to believe they are young for their age.

And yet, every day there’s plenty of lousy driving out there, there’s plenty of ill-humoured, mean spirited behaviour and plenty of people who really DO look their age.

The point of this is that when it comes to how we view ourselves, we are all a bit delusional; it seems that a positive outlook is a deep-seated component of our evolutionary wiring. The “self enhancement bias” is our systematic tendency to forgo rational evaluation of our own merits and abilities in favour of unrealistic attitudes that keep our ego properly inflated as to avoid sinking into the depths of despair.

So, perhaps you think you are acting in a kind way in your dating life. Maybe you could dial it up a bit more. Take it up a notch to a whole new level.

My #1 Most Important Ever Dating Tip

My #1 Most Important Ever Dating Tip

Practising radical kindness will have a side benefit as well. You will feel much better about yourself and give an energy of confidence. Confidence is also very attractive to the opposite sex. So, do this for yourself and for others.

Every day-be kind

1. Always return emails, text messages and phone calls. Even if it is to say “I’m sorry, I don’t think we have a connection, but I do wish you well for the future.”

2. Be present. The best gift of generosity you can give in your business or dating life, is to be fully present when you are with someone. Give your undivided attention to the person you are with. If you have been with someone who did this for you, you will know how special they make you feel. So, put your phone away or turn it off and be generous with your presence.

3. Show our appreciation to others who have given you the gift of their time and attention. Say “thank you” sincerely to people who have come out to spend their time with you.

4. Be generous Foster  an attitude of generosity. Be willing and even eager to invest your time, energy and attention in those you meet. Don’t be focused on deciding if they are partner material. Just give your presence without attachment or expectation.

You have opportunities to practise kindness every day of your life. Every time you send an email, make a phone call or meet singles at A Table for Six dinners. If you practise being a kind, compassionate and understanding person, you will attract the best people into your life.

No matter where you are on the kindness ladder, take it up a level and you will see the positive impact it has on your dating life and how you feel about yourself.

I see the evidence of this every week in the results that singles gain in their dating life.

Check out our upcoming dinners here

Margaret Newitt
www.atableforsix.com.auA Table for Six

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How do you react to “kind”?

How do you react to “kind”?

A lot of the focus on dating is steering us away from true intimacy. There is a lot of importance placed on superficial things like looks, playing games and gimmicks to attract the best looking people.

This advice leads us to feeling insecure ourselves and encourages us to be unkind towards others and also ourselves.

But there has always been a wiser and more effective path to finding love. And it doesn’t involve supermodel looks or playing games.

How do you react to “kind”?

How do you react to “kind”?

There is a lot of focus put on the belief that immediate physical attraction is the be all and end all of finding enduring love. An extensive study conducted in 1985 by evolutionary psychologist David Buss explored the most important traits people rate in finding a mate.  His finding was clear.The quality people valued most in a potential mate was not physical attractiveness. Neither was it their wealth, youthful appearance, strength or self-confidence. People valued kindness and understanding the most.

Everywhere we are bombarded by advertisements and articles on building a better body, dressing better, or a new secret way to attract a mate. I’m guessing that you haven’t read any articles lately that give importance to kindness in dating?

There is no denying that physical attraction is tremendously important in our choice of a mate. Yet, have you ever met a man or woman who looks great, and when they open their mouth to criticise their friends, your opinion of them changes dramatically?

Someone who is physically attractive, well dressed and well groomed becomes very unattractive when they treat a waiter poorly or speak badly about someone when they leave the table.

Physical attraction has been proven to be much more complex and open to interpretation than we’ve been led to believe. Instant attraction is overemphasised in finding healthy, long lasting love. And, very attractive people struggle just as much to find true happiness in their relationships.

How can we use this information to have a better outcome in dating ourselves? There are two skills that are essential that we can use to form our guidelines for wiser dating. Firstly, we need to ensure we are operating from a foundation of kindness and understanding ourselves. The second is to be discriminating and only choose people who live by these same values. This will change your experience of dating and finding long lasting love.

Next time you are dating, try practising a little more kindness and understanding. I’m sure you will change the quality of your dates.

Require the same treatment from the people you date. Be discriminating about who you date. Choose those who have a kind and understanding nature. It will make your life happier.

Check out our upcoming dinners here

Margaret Newitt
www.atableforsix.com.auA Table for Six

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Forgive yourself, you’re smarter now

Forgive yourself, you’re smarter now

Our friends and family are telling us to “move on”. “It’s time to get back out there”, they say. Leave the past and your dating mistakes behind.

I would like to suggest that it isn’t the ex who treated you badly you need to forgive. It isn’t the former partner who cheated on you or took advantage of you that you need to put behind you.

More often we need to love and forgive our former selves. You need to love the you that you have outgrown. You may have disowned the parts of yourself that were not as evolved as you are now. The parts that allowed others to treat you in a less than respectful, loving way.

Until we recognise those less evolved, still learning parts of ourselves, we can not take full power and responsibility for our current and future selves.

Forgive yourself, you're smarter now

Forgive yourself, you’re smarter now

Until we  see our former selves with compassion and forgive ourselves, it can be difficult to move on to healthier, more grown up relationships.

Think of your former self as you would a younger brother or sister. They were just doing the best they could with what they knew at the time. Love and forgive them and appreciate that you are now wiser and have much more self respect.

Then you can “move on” with confidence knowing you will attract a generous, kind love who brings unconditional acceptance.

Be kind to yourself.

Check out our upcoming dinners here

Margaret Newitt
www.atableforsix.com.auA Table for Six

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Why don’t I get her number?

Why don’t I get her number?

Understanding women can be difficult at any time. Understanding why she doesn’t give you her number can be complicated, but it’s best to uncover the truth and work through it to get a different outcome.

Here are some things to consider about yourself. If you identify with any of these, it could be the reason why you don’t have success with women.

1.Attitude is everything

Do you fall into the trap of any of these?

Do you complain about how life is so unfair? Do you talk about how you have been handed a bad deal in life?

Do you complain about other people and how lame they are?

Do you talk about the things you lack, such as money, free time or fitness?

Women don’t enjoy spending time with men who bring them down and have a negative attitude. They would rather be with someone who makes them feel happy and builds their spirits up.

Why don’t I get her number?

Why don’t I get her number?

2. Is your life interesting?

Are you out there enjoying your life? Do you make time to try new and different experiences? Do you do your best to make your own life full of fun things you love doing?

When you meet a new woman, she will be wondering to herself “Does this guy have a life I would want to be a part of?” If you have a life full of interesting activities, friends and new challanges, she will want to come long for the ride and be a part of it.

It doesn’t mean you need to be rich. But, if you are spending your time watching TV and drinking till you fall asleep, most women won’t be very excited about sharing their life with you. What could you change about your life to make it more attractive to women?

Why don’t I get her number?

Why don’t I get her number?

3. You’re in trouble if this is your goal

When you met a woman you are attracted to, are you thinking “I hope she likes me?” Women can sense this and you will come across as needy.

It is better to be interested and engaging. An equal exchange of asking about her and also providing some information about yourself as well.

4. Confidence not arrogance

Confidence is definitely the most attractive trait you can have. Without it, you will be at the mercy of the women you meet. They will sense it and either be turned off, or some may even try to take advantage of it.

On the other hand arrogance is not attractive at all. Women like to feel noticed and appreciated. If you focus too much on how great you are, and don’t spend time taking an interest in her, she won’t be spending much time with you.

Confidence is the number 1 thing women look for. If you don’t think you ooze it, do some personal development work to improve it.

5. Looks – superficial or Everything?

Men are visual creatures. They take notice of a lovely  smile and a fit body.

Women have a lot more going on when they meet a man. She will check out his smile and physical features as well. And she will notice even more, how he presents himself. She will look at his grooming. Does he look like someone who has a handle on their life? She will take notice of the care you take in presenting yourself.

Like it or not, first impressions are formed very quickly. Recent studies say that all it takes is a tenth of a second to form an impression of a stranger from their face, and that longer exposures don’t significantly alter those impressions (although they might boost your confidence in your judgments). Their research is presented in their article “First Impressions,” in the July issue of Psychological Science.

You can either complain abut women making instant judgements about you, or you can make a concerted effort to make sure you are wearing decent clothes, nice clean shoes, clean fingernails and groomed hair. That will improve your odds in attracting the right women.

Check out our upcoming dinners here

Margaret Newitt
www.atableforsix.com.auA Table for Six

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Why some men almost always get the woman’s number

Why some men almost always get the woman’s number

I’m sure you have heard the dating advice about the “Fear of Failure”. Should you ask the woman for her number?

This traditional Chinese proverb offers some wisdom.
“He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask is a fool for ever.”

Maybe you’ve heard this quote by Wayne Gretzky, former National Hockey League superstar.
“One hundred percent of the shots you don’t take don’t go in.”

One guy decides to use this wisdom and asks and fails…over and again.

Guy number 2 decides not to ask for any woman’s number. Even though he meets women he finds attractive and have shown interest in him.

Why some men almost always get the woman’s number

Why some men almost always get the woman’s number

The moral of the story? You can’t win if you don’t try…true enough!
Or “Don’t let the fear of failure hold you back”.

Guy number one didn’t lose anything by asking. But he probably felt a bit deflated. He might have decided there was something wrong with the women he was meeting. However, if he continues to keep asking, he is certain to eventually get a number and a date.

Let me ask you a question!

Would you tackle a crocodile the same way more than once if it meant you came off worse?

Or borrow money from the mafia to pay your debts more than once?

There would be serious consequences!

People who try to do this, don’t live very much longer.

So, fear of failure is a very healthy thing!

But, there is another guy in this story… Guy number three.

Guy number three realises that attractive women get asked for their number or a date a lot. He needs to stand out. How to get the positive response he is looking for? He doesn’t want to waste his time. He wants to meet his special woman sooner.

There are many ways to stand out from the crowd (of men) and impress when asking for a contact number or date.

When you meet a woman you are attracted to…listen and observe! First, listen for her name. If you missed it, there is nothing wrong with asking her again. Call her by her name when you are speaking. It will help you remember it, and she will like it too.

Listen to the things she is interested in. There are a myriad of clues in there to help you in the future.

We have a standard “contact request” message we send. But, what if you asked us to send something special like this?

“Cassandra, I know you love Italian food. “I know this place..it’s not far from your area… they make  the absolute best beef ragu with the most delicious tomato and red wine sauce. The beef is so tender it melts in your mouth. And they have the coldest beer anywhere on earth. Would you like to go there with me sometime soon?”

OR

“Felicity, you mentioned you love jazz music! My favourite jazz band play a fantastic night of  soul soothing and booty-shaking tunes. Would you like to join me for an evening of toe-tapping and great music and atmosphere?”

There is no guarantee this will have the desired response, but maybe she will be very impressed that you took interest in her and what she had to say. It could be a refreshing change.

Why not try this next time you meet a single woman at dinner that you find attractive? We will be delighted to send your personalised contact request.

Our goal is that you have the best possible experience at our dinners and events and especially that you have the best possible chance of getting a contact number of that special woman you met.

Check out our upcoming dinners here

Margaret Newitt
www.atableforsix.com.auA Table for Six
info@atableforsix.com.au
1300 885 311

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Top 5 first Date Ideas To Take a Special Woman

Top 5 first Date Ideas To Take a Special Woman

Once you have met a special woman at dinner and it’s time for a first date, here’s the top 5 first date ideas to take a special woman to help you stand out from the crowd (according to askmen.com)

5. A trip to the local art gallery (for the artsy girl)
4. Local music show – Conversation is important on a first date, but a combo of conversation and pleasant distraction and setting a fun relaxed mood is golden.

Top 5 First Date Ideas To Take A Special Woman

Top 5 First Date Ideas To Take A Special Woman

3. Play tourist – Take your date on a touristy excursion around your hometown and see the city from a different perspective.
2. Ice skating – A great date for women who love to be active. No matter if she doesn’t know how to skate, a great opportunity for holding hands.
1. Try new cuisine – Sharing new experiences together is a great way to build a connection. Try something a little adventurous, a new ethnic cuisine, something neither of you have tried before.

 

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Are you a repairable writeoff?

Are you a repairable writeoff?

My husband decided it was time for a different motorbike. To make space in the garage, that meant selling the one he had owned for some time.

He was happy that it didn’t take very long before he had someone interested in buying the outgoing bike. His excitement about buying the new one was pretty evident. He couldn’t talk about anything else.

The prospective buyer came around, inspected and approved the bike my husband was selling. The buyer put down a substantial deposit and said he would be back in a few days with the balance of the amount owing and to collect his purchase.

As you can imagine, my husband was visualising his new bike in the garage, planning trips he would take on his new set of wheels. He could hardly sleep because of his excitement.

Are you a repairable writeoff?

Are you a repairable writeoff?

The morning came of the day when the sale was to be finalised. A phone call from the purchaser came in, to confirm his arrival later that day we presumed. Wrong! The purchaser had conducted an online search that uncovered that the bike was “a repairable write-off”. The sale was off. This was a complete surprise to my husband. It wasn’t disclosed when he had purchased this bike. It didn’t show any visible signs of any repair and it performed well every time he rode it.

However, it had been labelled… “A repairable write-off” “Mild structural damage to the front.”

This made me think about humans and the collisions/disasters that we go through. Particularly in regard to relationships. The devastating breakups, the long drawn out divorces, the betrayals and the sad losses of dear loved ones.

When we meet someone new, we usually can’t see any visible signs of any disasters of their past.    However, their performance or behaviour is where we can see glimpses into their past, or see the results of a lot of repairs.

As humans, we are all completely repairable. In fact, in our case, we can be a much improved version of ourselves after going through disappointment, sorrow, loss, grief and despair.

After losing a precious loving partner, we can learn to value and appreciate every moment with a loved one. We can learn from our mistakes we made in previous relationships. With enough honest self reflection, we can clearly see why an unhappy  relationship ended. We can be more aware of our own behaviour and also notice the bad choices we have previously repeated in choosing a partner.

I’m sure you have all met people who are still in need of more repairs. There are even some people who don’t believe they had any part in their disasters. It was completely the fault of the other party.

The most amazing people are the ones who have been through some tough times and have come out the other side much wiser and smarter. If we are involved in a number of accidents, then we are the common denominator. Its time to take a different approach to gain a different outcome.

Of course, repairs are always ongoing…small cracks appear and need to be attended to. Fill them with love and compassion for yourself and also for all the other “repairable write-offs”.

P.S. My husband rode the bike he wanted to sell to the buyer’s home to return his deposit. The buyer had second thoughts and decided he wanted to buy it anyway… AND the shiny new one is in our garage. I have a happy man.

Check out our upcoming dinners here

Margaret Newitt
www.atableforsix.com.auA Table for Six
info@atableforsix.com.au
1300 885 311

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“In Sickness And In Health”

“In Sickness And In Health”

Have you said those words? If so, when you did, I’m sure you said them with the very best of intentions.

When considering if you are interested in dating, getting to know and perhaps marrying a partner, do you really think about what those words mean?

“In Sickness And In Health”

“In Sickness And In Health”

Some of the more common considerations made are if they could bring offspring into the reunion. Or, what is their extended family like.? Perhaps their financial situation and their temperament.

Yet, few people really consider something that is a vital question – can I suffer with this person?

Suffering is an inevitable part of life. No one escapes it in the long run. As we get older we come to know that suffering is not a rare occurrence. It is a common aspect of life.

Sorrow comes in many forms, yet it is guaranteed to come. Something that is important to consider is that not everyone suffers well.

Some people are unable to face the realities of life that are difficult. Some are easily overcome by life’s difficulties and are unable to cope at all.

Those who are able to put these difficulties into perspective, know they can count on themselves to deal with it, and simply put one foot in front of the other are an inspiration.

Who do you want beside you when the doctor says “I’m sorry there is nothing we can do.”

On whose shoulder do you want to lean when you tragically lose a family member?

With whom do you want to lay beside when you don’t know whether your child will ever come home?

When the world seems a crazy place, in whose eyes do you want to look?

Find someone who suffers well. You may be more attracted to a beautiful smile than someone who shows quiet determination. You may think it is more important to have interests in common than to have a quiet internal strength.

When challenges appear, you will appreciate someone by your side who believes in you, someone who encourages you and continues to have hope no matter what is put in front of you.

Having someone beside you who knows that suffering will come and go will make a huge difference. The best partner to have will confront sorrows with you. They will be able to laugh and cry with you. And, most importantly, they will offer support and hope in all of life’s challenges.

The best possible thing you can get out of a relationship is that you’re with someone who encourages you to be the best version of yourself every day.” ~Nishan Panwar

Check out our upcoming dinners here

Margaret Newitt
www.atableforsix.com.auA Table for Six
info@atableforsix.com.au
1300 885 311

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9 Points-So You Impress Her

9 Points-So You Impress Her

Are you ready for a relationship? Fortunately, the feedback we receive from the women who attend our dinners is mostly that they are very impressed with the calibre of men they meet at our dinners.

Boy gives girl a gift. wooden background

9 points-So You Impress Her

Here are nine tips about what women notice about you when they meet you for the first time and ongoing.

Some of these are common sense, and others might be surprising to you. They are suggestions so that you are not eliminated by something you did that can be off putting.

Being late
Make an effort to be on time rather than show up late. It shows that you respect the other angles you are meeting including her.

Being a cheapskate
Our members know that everyone pays enough to cover their own food and drinks at our dinners. But, don’t pull out the  calculator or argue over small amounts. It gives the impression that you are not a generous person.

Dominating the conversation
Don’t ramble on about yourself without even pausing long enough for anyone else to speak. If you interrupt other people’s conversation or don’t give others an opportunity to speak, they won’t be encouraged to want to see you again.

Coming on too Strongly
You may be very impressed with a woman at dinner. You really like her and want to see her again. But you will blow it if you come on too strongly at the table. Just be cool. Show you are interested by asking her questions and allowing her to voice her views too. Let her see the man that you are by sharing enough about yourself.

Talking about exes
Talking about your exes, shows you are not yet over them. It doesn’t matter if you are speaking about them in a positive or negative way. Topics such as how long your previous relationship was, are only natural. Be careful not to criticise or praise your ex’s too much. People will believe you are not yet ready for a new relationship.

Poor treatment of restaurant staff
The way in which you communicate with restaurant staff, and the other singles at the table can be either a big turn off, or a huge plus. Women will consider it a give away as to how you may treat her, your level of patience and consideration for other people.

Bad Phone Etiquette
Your phone should be on silent and out of sight during dinner. If there are important reasons such as children, it is fine to check a couple of times during the dinner. Otherwise, let the calls wait until after the dinner. Being too distracted by your phone can give the impression that you are not interested in them.

Bad Hygiene
This one sounds basic, but is very important.Check your fingernails are clean and short. Brush your teeth and wear deodorant. On the other end of the scale, it’s best not to be too heavy on the aftershave or cologne.

Not caring about their safety after dinner
Do the kind thing and enquire if she would like to be walked to her car or public transport. Be sensitive enough to gauge if she would prefer you to do so, or prefer to go it alone. Being thoughtful enough to ask is the important thing here.

One of the good things about attending our dinners, it that you are able to showcase who you are, rather than being judged by a photo and profile. So, don’t miss your opportunity to let them see how friendly, thoughtful and respectful you are.The right women will be attracted to you and want to see you again…Success!

Check out our upcoming dinners here

Margaret Newitt
www.atableforsix.com.auA Table for Six
info@atableforsix.com.au
1300 885 311

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