Category Archives: Men’s new relationship strategies

Ghosting in dating. Why not be kind?

Ghosting in dating. Why not be kind?

For those of you, like me, who are not familiar with it, here is a definition

Ghosting is stopping all communication after:

You have organised a first date by setting the time and place, then you hear nothing again.

You have been on a number of dates.

You have been in an exclusive relationship. Whether it be for weeks, months or years.

You have been referring to each other as girlfriend/boyfriend or similar.

You have ever had a conversation about getting engaged, getting married.

You have talked about moving in together.

You have been planning your next holiday together.

Internet dating has certainly provided a medium to reach and communicate with huge numbers of singles. Sadly, it has also created a culture of not caring or considering other singles.

Find out how to be introduced to genuine, invested singles at a small friendly dinner

Of course there are times when you have been seeing someone and it becomes clear to you that this relationship isn’t working for you. The important thing is to treat the other person with kindness and respect.

If you don’t feel that you can speak to them face to face, at least write them a letter (old school, I know), or send them an email letting them know that you are not continuing the relationship.

Ghosting in dating. Why not be kind?

Ghosting in dating. Why not be kind?

It doesn’t need to be long winded or drawn out. It just needs to be kind.

“HI …, It was good to meet you and to get to know you, but I don’t think we are a match after all. I wish you all the best”

If you simply disappear, they will be left wondering why you disappeared. They will wonder you are ill, or even dead. It will also quite likely have a negative affect on their self confidence and opinion of women/men.

Something I don’t understand is why are people so afraid to be kind?

If you want to cool the relationship and take it back a notch, let them know and explain the way you feel.

If you want to end the relationship altogether, be upfront and let them know.

Think about this, If you don’t give them some sort of explanation, they will be consumed with trying to figure out what went wrong. That’s the way we are programmed. Not knowing what happened can drive them crazy and also cause them damage.

How about encouraging yourself and your single friends to always make sure they give a “kind goodbye”.

Remember, that if you have had someone “ghost” you, it isn’t any reflection on you and your worth. It means they didn’t have the courage to be upfront and honest in leaving the relationship.

Showing up honestly, letting others know your needs, being open to learning about their needs, is communicating authentically and honestly. Even if you are “ghosted”, you will have the satisfaction of knowing you are an amazing person to be in a relationship with.

I am sorry if you have been the victim of being “ghosted”.  The reality is that they have “ghosted” themselves. They couldn’t or wouldn’t be a kind grownup and say “Hi …, we’ve had a great time, but I am going in a different direction.”

Now there is an opening for a new beginning.

Check out our upcoming dinners here

Margaret Newitt
www.atableforsix.com.au

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A Table for Six

 

You’ve met her, now to keep her

You’ve met her, now to keep her

You’ve met a great woman that you really like and are attracted to. She is interested in you too. Now comes the challenge of keeping her for the long term.

You've met her, now to keep her

You’ve met her, now to keep her

Society today is focused on immediate gratification. It’s a throw away society. But if you want that elusive long term, stable, loving relationship, then it’s going to take some effort, dedication,  being humble and at times it’s going to be very challenging.

A lot of singles want to know how to get over being shy or anxious when talking to single women. They want to know how to feel confident and be able to have amazing conversations with women they are attracted to. They think this will be the one secret that will solve all of their dating / relationship problems.

Think of the advertisements you see “How to lose weight without trying” and “Get rich quick by buying this”. They are preying on people’s desperation who don’t want to put in any hard work.

A better question to ask would be “What steps can I take to become a person that would be attractive to the woman I want to meet and keep for the longterm? It often only occurs to them when there has been something go wrong in their relationships. They are in a bad place and it is a knee jerk reaction when it’s too late.

This type of reactive attitude is not an effective strategy for longterm happy relationships.

You may be good at meeting and having someone attracted to you in the short term. You can portray yourself as confident and having your life on track. But, soon the cracks will show. There will be a situation that brings out your insecurity and the real you will be revealed.

If it happens enough, you may very well lose the woman you care for.

For longterm healthy relationships to flourish, it requires constant effort by both parties. They prioritise each other and their love. They laugh, touch and are very connected. You know when you are with a couple who have made a commitment to each other and continue to ensure it is not only healthy and happy, but thriving.

If you would like to have a relationship like that, you need to be in it through thick and thin. Start now by checking out our upcoming dinners where you will be introduced to women who are equally invested in long term happy relationships.

Check out our upcoming dinners here

Margaret Newitt
www.atableforsix.com.auA Table for Six

Inexperience can be dangerous

Inexperience can be dangerous

To give yourself the best chance of meeting someone suitable, it’s important to meet lots of people. If you don’t put in the ground work to ensure that you meet plenty of single people, you may desperately grab onto the first person who shows interest in you. This has a high probability that you will end up with someone who isn’t right of you…(could be why the divorce rate is so high)

Inexperience can be dangerous

Inexperience can be dangerous

If you haven’t met and spent time with with a number of singles who fall into your general age group, demographic etc, you don’t have the breadth experience to evaluate them objectively.

Know your own worth and value. It’s not about finding a “someone”. It’s important that they are compatible. Each of us is an individual with our own interests, values, goals and personalities. The likelihood of the first person you meet who is interested in you, being someone who is highly compatible is pretty slim.

Would you like to meet someone who looks after themselves physically and keeps fit? Would you like to meet someone who values education and knowledge? Is financial security important to you? Do you believe that social skills, good friends, close family are important? Then the best thing to do is to make sure that you have those qualities yourself. Like attracts like. They are not going to be interested in you if you don’t have your act together.

Our A Table for Six dinners are the perfect way to be introduced to a number of people who are more likely to have your desired qualities.

Check out our upcoming dinners here

Margaret Newitt
www.atableforsix.com.au

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Stop cheating yourself of love

Stop cheating yourself of love

A year from now you may wish you had started today

Today you woke up with the desire to finally make a change in your social and dating life. You felt motivated, inspired and ready to take the first step.

You decided to take yourself out to where you could meet some likely singles for a new relationship.

Stop cheating yourself of love

Stop cheating yourself of love

Suddenly you found out that things seem a bit more complicated, confusing and unfeasible.

You start to realise that it’s going to be neither easy or fast to meet people you relate to, have the same values as you, or want the same commitment in a relationship.

Eventually, you arrive at the point when you don’t feel like “conquering your dating life” today. However, you are sure that you’ll be ready to nail it in a while. Some day soon you will sort it out. Just not today…

Sound familiar?

Committing to big goals is hard and it’s no wonder why.  Putting off decisions to take a situation in hand is a common frailty of the human condition.

We are all bad at committing to the activities that require major, effort time and talent.

When it is hard to see the finish line, our desire to take action gradually vanishes. Then, procrastination comes into play.

Embrace the truth. You can achieve anything you desire. The only thing that is stopping you are your laziness, reluctance, and the lack of discipline. And, the major obstacle is the tendency to procrastinate.

I’m sure you have a goal to meet interesting, inquiring, engaging single people.

However, just like millions of people, you decide it is too hard and put off doing anything about it. You postpone the beginning till “someday” trying to convince yourself that there will be a better time. The weather will be better. I will have finished my studies. My children will have left home.

For many people, later often means never.

There is no doubt, you might still get there one day. However, it’s going to happen much later. The secret to meeting your new friends and partner is ridiculously simple: start now.

It’s ok to be a little slow. Because being slow is better then being stagnant. Take a look back and think how much of your precious time you have wasted over the last few years by not taking some action.

Now think how much different your life could be now if you hadn’t been procrastinating, having negative thoughts, complaining to our friends and family and feeling sorry for yourself.

Stop cheating yourself now. There will never be a better time to start. The best time is now.

Here is a powerful quote by Karen Lamb.

A year from now you may wish you had started today

Meet her/him at our dinners here

If you would like some more insight into how you can meet genuine, attractive single women at our A Table for Six, call me on 1300 885 311 and I will be happy to encourage, and inspire you.

Get my weekly blog here

A Table for Six
Margaret Newitt
www.atableforsix.com.au
info@atableforsix.com.au
1300 885 311

Why can’t my love find me?

Why can’t my love find me?

When it comes to finding a beautiful relationship, there is something that we can easily forget.

You see what you give to yourself, you can give to another and what you don’t give to yourself, you can’t give to another. The best thing you can do is to develop your relationship with yourself.

Why can't my love find me?

Why can’t my love find me?

Your thought pattern should NOT be, “Please send the perfect man or women to me,” but rather, “How can I develop myself to make me the man or woman who my life partner would quickly find and deeply love.”

The way forward is not to long for the perfect love that might come to us in the future, but rather love, respect and care for the people who are around us right now.  Everyone we meet, is special and has value. Our ability to recognise the unique qualities and gifts in everyone we meet is key to our ability to both attract and keep a more intimate partner.

One of the ways to do this is to be genuinely curious and engaged in conversation with others. To give others our attention and interest is a gift that they will feel. It is quite rare to find someone who will give their undivided attention and listen. Most people are not really listening. They are deciding what they will say as soon as the other has finished speaking.

To build loving relationships, shift the focus from what you will get out of it. Focus on giving care and attention to those around you and and how they will receive value from what you offer.

To transform your life and enjoy loving relationships, focus on empathy, careful listening, curiosity and love. These are the gifts we can offer to others and the gift we can receive in warmth and gratitude.

Offer those gifts to others and also tap into your unique talents and skills to determine how you can add value to the lives of others. Soon you will see that the more you give, the more you receive in return.

Check out our upcoming dinners here

Margaret Newitt
www.atableforsix.com.au

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Insights from one of our male members

Insights from one of our male members

A guest blog from one of our male members

Meeting the opposite sex can be a tough and tricky business. Anyone who has lived long enough knows that. Even as young as four or five years old at kindergarten boys get into trouble for pushing a girl over in the playground when in actual fact it is more than likely only because he likes her.

Going to an AT46 function or dinner can be nerve racking – if you let it. For my first dinner, I arrived more than half an hour early (I have always been an impeccably punctual person). I walked up and down the street waiting for the minutes to tick by. Once I got settled and everyone had arrived and taken their place it was a great evening. We were one of the last groups to leave and the clock read later than 11pm. I got a phone number that night and not for the first time either.

Insights from one of our male members

Insights from one of our male members

The two points I am making here are that I was prepared as well as organised and that I clearly projected the confidence that attracted the lady. Confidence and the human brain are amazing things. When you tell yourself enough times that you “can’t” do something then you probably (or even definitely) can’t. Conversely, if you believe you are capable of something then you are. I am told that women love a confident man. However, there is a fine line between confidence and arrogance. And getting it right can be tricky business. Everybody projects confidence in different ways.

The organisation side of things is important too. I am a very organised person. I plan my weeks meals out the week before. I plan my business schedule and my leisure time schedule a week in advance also. If I have a date Saturday night I will pick out what I am wearing on Friday night. I will plan several days out from the date or the social event things such as how I am getting there, how much money I will take, what I will eat, how late I will stay out, and sometimes how much I will drink! Most of the dinners I have been to, I have been first to arrive. If you are running late, can’t find a park and lost, your night has not started well and could well just unravel from there. Planning is paramount.

First dates are interviews – informal ones. They are a chance to make a first impression as well as a lasting impression. Approximately three quarters of a first impression is non-verbal. i.e. appearance. Appearance is 100% in our own control. Dressing nice and looking good is easy. Whatever you say after that can be worked on. But, most of the time a member of the opposite sex has sized you up and been impressed or unimpressed before you even open your mouth.

I can back this up with personal experience. At an AT46 function earlier in the year I spent the overwhelming majority of the night speaking to a girl I would later date a few times. We had a fantastic night. She was the only girl I spoke to that night or even noticed. Yet I still got a contact request from another lady who did not even get to say hello, introduce herself or get to know me in any way. The first impression by appearance alone got her interested.

So I say – get your head sorted out (tell yourself there is a lot to like about you), have a shower and a shave, get dressed up, smile and the majority of the hard work of a first impression is done.

Good luck and all the very best.

A guest blog from one of our male members

Check out our upcoming dinners here

Margaret Newitt
www.atableforsix.com.auA Table for Six

 

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My #1 Most Important Ever Dating Tip

My #1 Most Important Ever Dating Tip

Let me give you a tip about dating and friendship that I have learned through 16 years of helping thousands of singles.

There is one quality that, above all determines success.
Is it wealth, intellectual  qualities, physical attractiveness? No, none of the above.
There is a quality that will ensure that in a year, your dating life will look entirely different.

This is a conversation about an old fashioned quality called “kindness”.

Here’s something interesting, I find that most people I speak to believe they are considerate, have a good sense of humour and they are good drivers. Interestingly, 99% of the people I speak to believe they are young for their age.

And yet, every day there’s plenty of lousy driving out there, there’s plenty of ill-humoured, mean spirited behaviour and plenty of people who really DO look their age.

The point of this is that when it comes to how we view ourselves, we are all a bit delusional; it seems that a positive outlook is a deep-seated component of our evolutionary wiring. The “self enhancement bias” is our systematic tendency to forgo rational evaluation of our own merits and abilities in favour of unrealistic attitudes that keep our ego properly inflated as to avoid sinking into the depths of despair.

So, perhaps you think you are acting in a kind way in your dating life. Maybe you could dial it up a bit more. Take it up a notch to a whole new level.

My #1 Most Important Ever Dating Tip

My #1 Most Important Ever Dating Tip

Practising radical kindness will have a side benefit as well. You will feel much better about yourself and give an energy of confidence. Confidence is also very attractive to the opposite sex. So, do this for yourself and for others.

Every day-be kind

1. Always return emails, text messages and phone calls. Even if it is to say “I’m sorry, I don’t think we have a connection, but I do wish you well for the future.”

2. Be present. The best gift of generosity you can give in your business or dating life, is to be fully present when you are with someone. Give your undivided attention to the person you are with. If you have been with someone who did this for you, you will know how special they make you feel. So, put your phone away or turn it off and be generous with your presence.

3. Show our appreciation to others who have given you the gift of their time and attention. Say “thank you” sincerely to people who have come out to spend their time with you.

4. Be generous Foster  an attitude of generosity. Be willing and even eager to invest your time, energy and attention in those you meet. Don’t be focused on deciding if they are partner material. Just give your presence without attachment or expectation.

You have opportunities to practise kindness every day of your life. Every time you send an email, make a phone call or meet singles at A Table for Six dinners. If you practise being a kind, compassionate and understanding person, you will attract the best people into your life.

No matter where you are on the kindness ladder, take it up a level and you will see the positive impact it has on your dating life and how you feel about yourself.

I see the evidence of this every week in the results that singles gain in their dating life.

Check out our upcoming dinners here

Margaret Newitt
www.atableforsix.com.auA Table for Six

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How do you react to “kind”?

How do you react to “kind”?

A lot of the focus on dating is steering us away from true intimacy. There is a lot of importance placed on superficial things like looks, playing games and gimmicks to attract the best looking people.

This advice leads us to feeling insecure ourselves and encourages us to be unkind towards others and also ourselves.

But there has always been a wiser and more effective path to finding love. And it doesn’t involve supermodel looks or playing games.

How do you react to “kind”?

How do you react to “kind”?

There is a lot of focus put on the belief that immediate physical attraction is the be all and end all of finding enduring love. An extensive study conducted in 1985 by evolutionary psychologist David Buss explored the most important traits people rate in finding a mate.  His finding was clear.The quality people valued most in a potential mate was not physical attractiveness. Neither was it their wealth, youthful appearance, strength or self-confidence. People valued kindness and understanding the most.

Everywhere we are bombarded by advertisements and articles on building a better body, dressing better, or a new secret way to attract a mate. I’m guessing that you haven’t read any articles lately that give importance to kindness in dating?

There is no denying that physical attraction is tremendously important in our choice of a mate. Yet, have you ever met a man or woman who looks great, and when they open their mouth to criticise their friends, your opinion of them changes dramatically?

Someone who is physically attractive, well dressed and well groomed becomes very unattractive when they treat a waiter poorly or speak badly about someone when they leave the table.

Physical attraction has been proven to be much more complex and open to interpretation than we’ve been led to believe. Instant attraction is overemphasised in finding healthy, long lasting love. And, very attractive people struggle just as much to find true happiness in their relationships.

How can we use this information to have a better outcome in dating ourselves? There are two skills that are essential that we can use to form our guidelines for wiser dating. Firstly, we need to ensure we are operating from a foundation of kindness and understanding ourselves. The second is to be discriminating and only choose people who live by these same values. This will change your experience of dating and finding long lasting love.

Next time you are dating, try practising a little more kindness and understanding. I’m sure you will change the quality of your dates.

Require the same treatment from the people you date. Be discriminating about who you date. Choose those who have a kind and understanding nature. It will make your life happier.

Check out our upcoming dinners here

Margaret Newitt
www.atableforsix.com.auA Table for Six

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Forgive yourself, you’re smarter now

Forgive yourself, you’re smarter now

Our friends and family are telling us to “move on”. “It’s time to get back out there”, they say. Leave the past and your dating mistakes behind.

I would like to suggest that it isn’t the ex who treated you badly you need to forgive. It isn’t the former partner who cheated on you or took advantage of you that you need to put behind you.

More often we need to love and forgive our former selves. You need to love the you that you have outgrown. You may have disowned the parts of yourself that were not as evolved as you are now. The parts that allowed others to treat you in a less than respectful, loving way.

Until we recognise those less evolved, still learning parts of ourselves, we can not take full power and responsibility for our current and future selves.

Forgive yourself, you're smarter now

Forgive yourself, you’re smarter now

Until we  see our former selves with compassion and forgive ourselves, it can be difficult to move on to healthier, more grown up relationships.

Think of your former self as you would a younger brother or sister. They were just doing the best they could with what they knew at the time. Love and forgive them and appreciate that you are now wiser and have much more self respect.

Then you can “move on” with confidence knowing you will attract a generous, kind love who brings unconditional acceptance.

Be kind to yourself.

Check out our upcoming dinners here

Margaret Newitt
www.atableforsix.com.auA Table for Six

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Why don’t I get her number?

Why don’t I get her number?

Understanding women can be difficult at any time. Understanding why she doesn’t give you her number can be complicated, but it’s best to uncover the truth and work through it to get a different outcome.

Here are some things to consider about yourself. If you identify with any of these, it could be the reason why you don’t have success with women.

1.Attitude is everything

Do you fall into the trap of any of these?

Do you complain about how life is so unfair? Do you talk about how you have been handed a bad deal in life?

Do you complain about other people and how lame they are?

Do you talk about the things you lack, such as money, free time or fitness?

Women don’t enjoy spending time with men who bring them down and have a negative attitude. They would rather be with someone who makes them feel happy and builds their spirits up.

Why don’t I get her number?

Why don’t I get her number?

2. Is your life interesting?

Are you out there enjoying your life? Do you make time to try new and different experiences? Do you do your best to make your own life full of fun things you love doing?

When you meet a new woman, she will be wondering to herself “Does this guy have a life I would want to be a part of?” If you have a life full of interesting activities, friends and new challanges, she will want to come long for the ride and be a part of it.

It doesn’t mean you need to be rich. But, if you are spending your time watching TV and drinking till you fall asleep, most women won’t be very excited about sharing their life with you. What could you change about your life to make it more attractive to women?

Why don’t I get her number?

Why don’t I get her number?

3. You’re in trouble if this is your goal

When you met a woman you are attracted to, are you thinking “I hope she likes me?” Women can sense this and you will come across as needy.

It is better to be interested and engaging. An equal exchange of asking about her and also providing some information about yourself as well.

4. Confidence not arrogance

Confidence is definitely the most attractive trait you can have. Without it, you will be at the mercy of the women you meet. They will sense it and either be turned off, or some may even try to take advantage of it.

On the other hand arrogance is not attractive at all. Women like to feel noticed and appreciated. If you focus too much on how great you are, and don’t spend time taking an interest in her, she won’t be spending much time with you.

Confidence is the number 1 thing women look for. If you don’t think you ooze it, do some personal development work to improve it.

5. Looks – superficial or Everything?

Men are visual creatures. They take notice of a lovely  smile and a fit body.

Women have a lot more going on when they meet a man. She will check out his smile and physical features as well. And she will notice even more, how he presents himself. She will look at his grooming. Does he look like someone who has a handle on their life? She will take notice of the care you take in presenting yourself.

Like it or not, first impressions are formed very quickly. Recent studies say that all it takes is a tenth of a second to form an impression of a stranger from their face, and that longer exposures don’t significantly alter those impressions (although they might boost your confidence in your judgments). Their research is presented in their article “First Impressions,” in the July issue of Psychological Science.

You can either complain abut women making instant judgements about you, or you can make a concerted effort to make sure you are wearing decent clothes, nice clean shoes, clean fingernails and groomed hair. That will improve your odds in attracting the right women.

Check out our upcoming dinners here

Margaret Newitt
www.atableforsix.com.auA Table for Six

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