One of my male members told me about this experience. He had only been talking to this woman for part of the time at dinner. She said “You are the most interesting man I’ve met lately.” He was confused, he hadn’t told her very much about himself.
He said “How is that possible?” It made her laugh and she realised he was right.
The most interesting guy she had met! Why?
He wanted to know why she felt that way, so he prodded. Eventually she said “Because you ask really unique questions”.
The way you listen and get to know someone is one thing that can make a person interesting. If you know how to ask powerful questions that challenge a girl or make her think in a new way, she will think the conversation is interesting and project that on to you!
Next time you’re getting to know a girl at dinner (or anywhere else), don’t waste your time asking the same old questions that every other guy asks her like “What do you do for a living?Where are you from?” etc. You’ll get to those eventually.
Next time, ask interesting questions like “If you could be anywhere right now where would it be?” or “When was the last time you laughed so hard you almost peed?”They love answering those types of questions.
When she is enjoying telling you about something she loves to do, ask her “What’s that like?”
Try to engage her passionate and emotional side rather than her rehearsed answers she has given many times before. When you can get a girl to express her feelings about a certain subject, she will feel a connection with you on an emotional level.
That’s a powerful start and she will remember how you made her feel.
Some people believe that to find a perfect partner, they need to find someone who shares the same interests, hobbies, falls within a certain age group or looks a certain way.
How important are shared values?
Of course, nobody is perfect. Everyone has some flaws or baggage if they have lived a life. But to find someone who has the right attitude with a few flaws is more realistic. For a relationship to survive in the medium to long term, it is more important to share most of the same values.
When our members join A Table for Six, we do take information on these interests and also their values. Some people have spent more time on deciding what is important in a car than their relationship. So take some time to list your top ten values . Then when you meet someone, you have a gauge to go by. Don’t expect them to be 10’s on every single item on your list, at least a 6 and preferable an 8 or 9.
Some of the more common core values might be;
1. They believe that family is very important.
2. They believe that maintaining a healthy work/life balance is important.
3. They believe that honesty is of utmost importance and trust must be earned.
4. They believe, or don’t believe in God or have an affiliation with a religious institution.
5. They believe in maintaining a healthy body.
6. They have a belief in being responsible in handling finances.
These are also values you might list as important to you;
To really know if someone you meet has these values may take time. It is very well if they say they have them, but a core value is only a core value if the person lives by them, at least most of the time.
So what do you want? It’s good to have high standards, but who do you need to become to attract the person with these qualities you have listed? Is it time to look within yourself and ask if you are someone a person with these values would be attracted to? This is the real question and where the biggest opportunity of change lies! It can also be hardest. Start putting a plan together for your life.
Relationship breakups are never easy. The end of a relationship with someone you really care about can cause more pain than most events in your life.
Even if you were the one to instigate the breakup, you will most likely feel a whole range of emotions during the coming weeks and months.
Maybe you can look back now and clearly see the signs that trouble was coming. Or maybe, you still can’t work out how this happened.
Men don’t tend to acknowledge their emotions and feelings and are even less likely to discuss them. So there’s a lot less written about about their side of the situation.
But they certainly feel the range of emotions from disbelief, anger, sadness, loss, depression but sometimes relief.
Studies show that men might even be affected more by breakups than women.
There are a lot of different variations of breakups. And every relationship is unique. Here are some coping strategies to help single men through those bleak, dark days after a breakup.
Relationship break-up? Best way to move forward
Feel the emotions and move through the pain
From childhood, men are discouraged from showing their emotions. “Be a man” and “big boys don’t cry” are phrases meant to hold those feelings in and don’t dare show them. During a relationship breakup, a man may have such strong emotions it overwhelms the instinct to suppress them. Instead of trying to hold them in, just allow them to wash over you. Feel them and know that you are going to feel bad for some time. It is better to really feel those emotions and work through them. To push them down will mean that they will manifest in a different (worse) way.
It may be tempting to cover up your feelings in temporary distractions such as drinking, drugs or working too much. This may help to distract you from the pain temporarily, but it may prolong the healing process that is necessary to move forward.
Don’t go all out to try to get her back
If your partner did the breaking up, you may feel tempted to go all out to win her back with flowers, poems and gifts. Unfortunately this may just come across as desperate. They could just need some space and showering them with over the top gestures will just make them feel pressured. If they are truly the one for you, no such huge gestures will be needed. You can’t force someone to want to spend their life with you or love you.
Quality sleep helps in moving forward
Sleep can be affected. Your mind is going crazy and can be out of control going over what went wrong. Those conversation you had or wished you had. And what you wish you had done differently. iTunes have a lot of recordings that are effective in helping to replace that mind chatter with peaceful sounds to help you drift off and to get some quality sleep.
Do something for yourself
The temptation to wallow in self pity or sadness can be strong. You are going to have to really take strong positive steps to use this time to your own long term advantage. It’s a good time to take up a new interest. Perhaps something you always wanted to do but couldn’t while you were in the relationship. Doing something creative, like playing a musical Instrument can be therapeutic. Even if you are not normally the creative type. If you would prefer to be more active, it is a good time to be more focussed on fitness. Being active has proven positive effects on mental and emotional well being.
Enjoy being single
There is a positive side to being single. There will come a time when you move from being miserable to realising some of the sacrifices you made in the relationship to keep the harmony. Make the decision to do something you wouldn’t have done when you were in the relationship. Go out with your mates to an all you can eat bar b que meat meal, go and watch some of the fight championships or stay in and watch Batman films. It’s about enjoying your new single status. It’s making the most of an otherwise painful situation.You may even feel empowered when you realise that you now have the freedom to do the things that make you happy.
Buy a gift for yourself
Spoil yourself by purchasing something that makes you happy. No need to empty your savings account, but sometimes when you are feeling low a hit of retail therapy can give you a boost. Maybe you have put off upgrading your golf clubs, or buying that motorbike you’ve dreamed of owning. Recognise and acknowledge that you can make you own choices to do what makes you happy.
Taking a holiday away after a relationship breakup is truly expressing your new freedom. It will be different for each man, but the beauty is that you alone can choose. You don’t need to take anyone else’s wishes into consideration. Take a road trip with no bookings or definite plans. Take a hiking holiday in the wilderness to reconnect with nature. Take some time to find the real you who could be a little wiser now.
Take a step back to look at the failed relationship objectively. Try not to blame anyone. I’m sure you can recognise there were things you could have done differently too. We are all just doing the best we can with what we know at the time. One day you may look back and recognise that the things you have learned from this failed relationship have enabled you to learn and grow and to enjoy a new amazing relationship. When you know more, you can do better.
The secret is to ask the right questions. They will feel special and know you are interested.
It doesn’t matter whether you’re meeting people to make new friends, or date an amazing woman…
They can tell if you are genuinely interested in them.
Humans are reciprocal beings. When you give interest, you get interest.
“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” – Dale Carnegie
Women want to know that you find them (specifically) interesting. They want to know that there’s SOMETHING other than just being an attractive woman that attracted you.
Why isn’t she interested?
Because everyone wants to feel special. When you make them feel that way, they’ll want to do the same for you.
Your mindset – Reset your measure of success from obtaining an outcome to simply being curious about people.
Have a curiosity date (or two).
When you are meeting new people, your only goal is to answer this question about them:
“Who are they?”
Stay mindful of your goal. Plan ahead what you would like to know about people you meet. Make sure they are things you actually care about. If it doesn’t really interest you, you won’t be engaged and they will be able to tell you are not being genuinely interested.
You’re trying to get a better understanding of their personality, interests, and overall character. Have a few questions brainstormed in advance that you could ask.
What are their favorite books, movies, TV shows, comedians, or musicians?
What’s the best place they’ve traveled to? Or, where are they most excited to visit?
Would they rather live in the country or the city?
What do they love or hate about their current job? What’s their dream job instead?
What’s their favorite way to exercise?
What did they want to be when they were a kid?
What scares them?
What’s the biggest change they made in the last year?
Are they close with their family?
What’s something most people don’t know about them?
If they were to die tomorrow, how would they spend their last day?
Some additional tips to help with your curiosity night:
If you can’t remember what to ask, remember the four topics that are always guaranteed to get people to open up.
Ask them about their DREAMS, RECREATION, OCCUPATION and FAMILY.
It’s best to start out with lighter questions and progress to more personal questions as time progresses. They will feel uneasy if the first question you ask is too personal.
Instead of asking “Do you like to read?” Ask an open ended question that will require them to open up about themselves. “What is your favourite type of book?”
You want to learn about their emotions and motivations. So, don’t just ask cold, bare facts. Another example, don’t just ask do they have a family. Ask what is the best thing about their family.
Don’t just ask what they do for a living, ask what drives them to go every morning, what is their biggest challenge, and where they would like to go from there.
When they say something that impresses you, give them a real compliment.
Remember their name. People love to hear their own name and feel special when you remember it.
Your old mindset of “How can I be good enough for this person? has now changed to “Is this someone I want in my life based on what I’m learning about them?” and this cultivates a mindset of abundance.
It forces you to make an honest evaluation of people and takes them off that pedestal. You will no longer feel desperate to fit their mold and you will have the courage to walk away from those who aren’t a good fit for you.
You will grow in confidence. In turn, that confidence attracts not only more people, but the right people.
Now that you have people interested in you. Don’t forget to treat them the same way you treat those closest to you.
You are not imagining it. Women don’t always tell you exactly what they want.
But that doesn’t mean you have to stay in the dark.
There’s a logical way to shed some light on what women want when it comes to approaching, flirting, and getting a woman’s number.
She won’t tell you this
With a little help, you will know how to essentially read a woman’s mind in these crucial areas so you can know what she wants, without her actually saying it to you.
One of the things you should never expect a woman to tell you is when to approach her. She might tell you. But if you expect it, you could be missing out on a a potentially great connection.
You can never expect a woman to say, “I’d like you to approach me now.”
Even if she really wants you to approach her, she is not likely to come over and let you know.
She doesn’t want to be approached by every man. Only the ones she feels comfortable around, if not attracted to. As long as you are relaxed, that’s important. Even if she isn’t attracted to you, or has a boyfriend, she’ll still feel flattered.
What is the best way to approach her and make sure it goes well?
The most important thing is you have the attitude of, “I’m just going to say “Hi”. With no huge expectations. Whatever happens is great.
If she responds negatively, there are 3 possible reasons.
1. She’s not as nice as she looks.
2. She’s having a bad night.
3. I came off wrong because I’m still learning how to approach well.
That’s it! No other reasons. It’s definitely not “Oh, i guess I’m just very unattractive!”
None of those reasons is personal to you. They are either about her, or your skill level. And that is able to be improved.
You may have some room for improvement in the way you behave, the way you present yourself, but some of the reasons don’t have anything to do with you in particular. It is very important for your success that you don’t take rejections that have nothing to do with you personally.
Every second you spend worrying about them is a second you could invest in approaching another woman who wants to get to know you.
Relationships are not black and white. Is the old relationship really dead? Should I be going out to meet someone else? Or should I just wait to see how my old relationship pans out? Sometimes we struggle to know when is the time to take the step to see who else is out there for us.
Are you ready for a new relationship?
You may be missing the companionship of the opposite sex and would like to take the plunge and start meeting new people. It is important that you have dealt with any relationship baggage before you return to the dating scene. Perhaps you could ask yourself the following questions to learn if you are ready to move on, or are still dealing with a past relationship.
Are you able to speak of the past relationship without feeling angry or bitter about the way it ended. This kind of reaction may be a turn-off to potential new love interests and may indicate you are still grieving.
If your ex contacted you to rekindle the relationship how would you respond? If your immediate response is to take him/her back, you might not be ready to participate in a new healthy relationship.
Do you talk about the relationship or your ex a lot? If you find yourself in conversations with your friends or family that lead to a story involving your ex, the situation is still very much at the forefront of your mind and you may need to take more time to heal any hurt caused by the breakup.
Can you speak of the relationship in a positive way? Recounting stories, accepting the relationship for what it was, realising what you may have learnt from this relationship is a strong sign that you are moving on. If you still get anxious or upset when you see your ex or look at a photo, you might need more time to heal.
Everyone’s journey is different and we all take different amounts of time to grieve. But do encourage yourself to let go and move on. Once you feel you are ready, try going out and having fun without it needing to result in a relationship straight away. Give yourself positive self talk and remember that good things still await you and you will find that someone special at the right time.
Our A Table for Six dinners are a great way to ease yourself back into the singles social scene. There’s no pressure and you will be able to practise enjoying the company of a lot of different people. We’re here to serve you and to help ease you back into dating.
You may be meeting her for the first time, or you could have been on a few dates already, but how do you know if she is into you? Here are a few simple things you can watch out for that will give you some hints.
Is she responding or ignoring?
When you send a text, or leave a voicemail, does she respond to your attempts at communication? If she does, that a good sign. With modern technology, it’s easier than ever to filter out people that we don’t want in our lives. If she wants to avoid you, it isn’t very hard. However, if she replies, responds and even initiates communication with you, it’s a clear sign that there is interest and attraction.
She is attracted to you when…
Who has her attention?
If a woman is into you, she won’t be spending a lot of time texting, checking or talking on her mobile phone while on a date with you. If there is an important call she needs to take, she will excuse herself and explain it is family, work or something that can’t be put off.
Otherwise, if she spends any time throughout the date being distracted by her phone, there’s a good chance she isn’t really attracted to you.
Does she see the funny side of it?
This one is probably the biggest, clearest sign that she is attracted to you. Humour doesn’t lie. It’s also one of the biggest attractors for women. If she laughs at your jokes, it is a clear sign that there is a connection between the two of you, because humour is a very personal thing. It also shows that she can relax around you a bit.
Is she chasing you?
Our aim is to get her to be as proactive in attracting you. Getting her to chase you a little too by phoning you, or suggesting a next outing is a step up from her responding to your calls. If she does, you don’t need to wonder if she is into you. She definitely is.
What does her body tell you?
Our body language doesn’t lie. A large part of our communication is nothing to do with the words we say. Rather, body language and tonality say far more than words ever could. When you are together, is she angled toward you a lot of the time? Or is her body turned away from you? Does she ever touch you? How does she react when you touch her? Analysing her body language is one of the surest ways for you to tell if she is into you.
She may not be doing all of these things, but if she is ticking some of these boxes, it’s a good sign that she likes you a lot.
Want to meet genuine, attractive single women in a small, relaxed group at dinner? We can help you meet the right women and have an opportunity to get to know them a little at dinner. You can let them see how great you are, and amazing outcomes will happen.
Do you have friends who are in happy relationships and all coupled up? Most of us do.
They usually have an interesting story to tell about how they came to be together. If they haven’t shared their story with you, ask them to do so. Very often you will find that they didn’t have an instant attraction. They may have met a few times before there were any sparks flying.
Although most men appear to be playing it cool, some are genuinely unsure of themselves. Many men need a little encouragement from a woman to know that you are interested.
A second meeting?
We receive requests for contact numbers after our dinners as you know. It’s a fantastic gauge that the dinner was a success and people made connections. There’s the obvious ones where a man requests a lady’s number or a lady requests a man’s number. But also many times it is for friendship as well. When single, it’s very important to have single friends to spend time with.
Once we receive a reply we pass the contact number on to the person who asked for it. But sometimes the answer is a no.
Why not catch up for a drink?
All of our members have an interesting story to tell. Why not at least catch up for a coffee or a drink? It’s a good idea to meet for a brief catchup the first time. That way if there isn’t a connection you can go your own ways. But, you may find that you have more in common that you first thought.
If your happily coupled up friends hadn’t gotten together after their first meeting they wouldn’t be together today. Say yes to another catch up.
It’s great to emphasise the positive things about being single, but having that special someone in our lives can make us feel a lot better in many ways. Family and friends are wonderful, but sometimes they just don’t fill the space that only a loving partner can fill.
Are you fantastic enough?
Having someone to share a special moment on a holiday, a sunset at the beach, to plan a special weekend away with, or to show off your cooking skills, is life at its best.
For some people it seems so easy. Do they know something you don’t? Are they a better catch than you? I doubt it, but maybe there are some skills that can be brushed up on to help you make a shift so as to become more attractive to a future partner. Meet him at our dinners here
There is only one you
Create and radiate your personal style and let it reflect exactly who you are. Wear the clothes that make you feel great and emphasise your best mental and physical attributes. Spend your time doing the things that make you feel excited and fulfilled.
Make people feel good
Everybody wants to feel loved and valued. Treating everyone you come into contact with in this way, makes you instantly attractive whether they are partner material or not. It isn’t that difficult to smile, look someone in the eye and say hi, listen to them and show an interest in what they think and how they feel.
Qualities are important
If you want to attract someone who is fit, energetic and lives a healthy lifestyle, reflect that yourself. If you want to attract a motivated, successful achiever, “radiate” that outlook on life.
Where do the people you want to attract spend their time?
If you want to meet a successful professional, then taking a golf membership at an exclusive club or attending our A Table for Six dinners is probably better than looking in personal columns.
Don’t be needy or insecure
Take a look at your behaviour and determine any issues you may have about trust. Neediness is often associated with a shortage of trust, and sometimes a fear of abandonment. If you are doubting someone’s feelings towards you or their loyalty, ask yourself why you don’t trust. Is it because of something they did, or is it because of something someone did in the past? If you really care for this person and they have earned your trust, give it to them. Meet him at our dinners here
It’s important to focus on what you would like and to take steps to accomplish it. But, someone who has a fun life doing the things that they love can be very attractive. If you don’t think that you are fantastic, there’s a good chance that others won’t either.
So often we have a big goal in mind. We know exactly what we want.
“I want a husband/wife who I adore and who adores me.”
Maybe they are nowhere in sight just yet. However, It’s important to remember and acknowledge the progress you have made towards your big goal.
Don’t forget to celebrate your dating progress
Six months ago, you were newly single. Not a thing planned for the weekend, except feeling sorry for yourself. All of your friends are married or in relationships, so no possibility of a fun night out there.
But look at you now! You’ve updated your wardrobe and hairstyle. You’re feeling much more confident. You have met some new single friends at those fitness classes you’ve joined. Maybe you’ve joined A Table for Six where you’ve had some very enjoyable evenings meeting new singles over dinner. The new friends you’ve made enjoy going out for dinner, or the movies, or to that sporting game as much as you do, so your weekends are filling up quickly now.
Don’t downplay your progress. Feelings of guilt or unworthiness can take the wind out of your sails. Charles Duhigg, author of acclaimed book The Power of Habit states: “A huge body of research has shown that small wins have enormous power, and influence disproportionate to the accomplishments of the victories themselves.”
Your confidence has grown a lot because you know there are other interesting singles who are single too.
So, track your progress. Your life is a little better every day and you are making progress. Your social life is so much better than it was six months ago. Rather than complaining that you haven’t arrived at the big goal yet, embrace your evolution.
“Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.” ~Martin Luther King Jr
Encourage and acknowledge yourself this week,