Tag Archives: new relationships

Why can’t my love find me?

Why can’t my love find me?

When it comes to finding a beautiful relationship, there is something that we can easily forget.

You see what you give to yourself, you can give to another and what you don’t give to yourself, you can’t give to another. The best thing you can do is to develop your relationship with yourself.

Why can't my love find me?

Why can’t my love find me?

Your thought pattern should NOT be, “Please send the perfect man or women to me,” but rather, “How can I develop myself to make me the man or woman who my life partner would quickly find and deeply love.”

The way forward is not to long for the perfect love that might come to us in the future, but rather love, respect and care for the people who are around us right now.  Everyone we meet, is special and has value. Our ability to recognise the unique qualities and gifts in everyone we meet is key to our ability to both attract and keep a more intimate partner.

One of the ways to do this is to be genuinely curious and engaged in conversation with others. To give others our attention and interest is a gift that they will feel. It is quite rare to find someone who will give their undivided attention and listen. Most people are not really listening. They are deciding what they will say as soon as the other has finished speaking.

To build loving relationships, shift the focus from what you will get out of it. Focus on giving care and attention to those around you and and how they will receive value from what you offer.

To transform your life and enjoy loving relationships, focus on empathy, careful listening, curiosity and love. These are the gifts we can offer to others and the gift we can receive in warmth and gratitude.

Offer those gifts to others and also tap into your unique talents and skills to determine how you can add value to the lives of others. Soon you will see that the more you give, the more you receive in return.

Check out our upcoming dinners here

Margaret Newitt
www.atableforsix.com.au

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A Table for Six

How do you react to “kind”?

How do you react to “kind”?

A lot of the focus on dating is steering us away from true intimacy. There is a lot of importance placed on superficial things like looks, playing games and gimmicks to attract the best looking people.

This advice leads us to feeling insecure ourselves and encourages us to be unkind towards others and also ourselves.

But there has always been a wiser and more effective path to finding love. And it doesn’t involve supermodel looks or playing games.

How do you react to “kind”?

How do you react to “kind”?

There is a lot of focus put on the belief that immediate physical attraction is the be all and end all of finding enduring love. An extensive study conducted in 1985 by evolutionary psychologist David Buss explored the most important traits people rate in finding a mate.  His finding was clear.The quality people valued most in a potential mate was not physical attractiveness. Neither was it their wealth, youthful appearance, strength or self-confidence. People valued kindness and understanding the most.

Everywhere we are bombarded by advertisements and articles on building a better body, dressing better, or a new secret way to attract a mate. I’m guessing that you haven’t read any articles lately that give importance to kindness in dating?

There is no denying that physical attraction is tremendously important in our choice of a mate. Yet, have you ever met a man or woman who looks great, and when they open their mouth to criticise their friends, your opinion of them changes dramatically?

Someone who is physically attractive, well dressed and well groomed becomes very unattractive when they treat a waiter poorly or speak badly about someone when they leave the table.

Physical attraction has been proven to be much more complex and open to interpretation than we’ve been led to believe. Instant attraction is overemphasised in finding healthy, long lasting love. And, very attractive people struggle just as much to find true happiness in their relationships.

How can we use this information to have a better outcome in dating ourselves? There are two skills that are essential that we can use to form our guidelines for wiser dating. Firstly, we need to ensure we are operating from a foundation of kindness and understanding ourselves. The second is to be discriminating and only choose people who live by these same values. This will change your experience of dating and finding long lasting love.

Next time you are dating, try practising a little more kindness and understanding. I’m sure you will change the quality of your dates.

Require the same treatment from the people you date. Be discriminating about who you date. Choose those who have a kind and understanding nature. It will make your life happier.

Check out our upcoming dinners here

Margaret Newitt
www.atableforsix.com.auA Table for Six

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The Real Reason Relationships Fail

The Real Reason Relationships Fail

It is a common belief that the most common causes of the breakdown of a relationship are adultery, financial problems or irreconcilable difference.

They are really symptoms of a deeper problem. There’s no denying those problems are real, but if we dig a little deeper we will find the real issue.

No matter what we are aiming to be successful at, there is a need to be intentional about it. To have a successful long term relationship we need to have that intention and invest in it.

It is a fair debate to question which comes first-did someone lose interest so they lost intention, or did someone lose intention so they lost interest-either way there is a key to this.

The Real Reason Relationships Fail

The Real Reason Relationships Fail

We can influence our feelings by intentionally investing in our relationship.

Wherever we invest our time, money and energy also ends up receiving our passion, interest and affection. And our affections grow towards this as well.

For a relationship, this means you will generally feel for your partner to the extent in which you invest in them.

Of course, there are exceptions. Some relationships have been a bad choice, but a lot of the time, we love our partner to the extent we invest in our partner.

What does this mean? If a relationship is not doing so well, it can be saved. With some effort, intention and energy, love can grow.

A good assignment in these circumstances could be: spend some time retelling the stories of your first date and how you met, how you felt and how you fell in love, what was it that you found so attractive in each other, what you love the most about each other, and what were your dreams of the future together.

In retelling these stories, it will unearth feelings and memories from the past and you will more likely feel love again. With a little intention, our emotions can drastically change.

If you would like to reconnect with a partner, here are things we can do every day which will reconnect us.

1. Have at least 5 minutes of uninterrupted conversation. Turn off the mobile phones, TV and other distractions and really connect every day.

2. Check at least once a day by email or phone call. Ask how their day is going.

3. Always kiss goodbye and hello. It is a physical and emotional connection that reminds us of the special commitment of the relationship.

4. Act in a way that shows your partner that they are important to you. Small actions that demonstrate that they are more important than work, sports or friends reinforces the relationship.

5. Make sure you hug every day for at least 30 seconds. An extended physical embrace reminds your body, soul and mind of your deep connection with this other person. Studies have shown that hugging reduces blood pressure, but it also connects you with the person you are hugging. By truly embracing every day, each partner will feel more valued and loved.

Next time you are in a relationship you would like to survive for the long term, remember it requires intention-by both parties. If both parties are intentional about keeping the relationship healthy, the relationship will thrive. Apathy will slowly kill a relationship, but intention will cause it to continually grow.

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Checkout our upcoming dinners here

Margaret Newitt
www.atableforsix.com.au
info@atableforsix.com.au
1300 885 311

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A new romance? It’s never too late

A new romance? It’s never too late

No matter whether you’re 35 or 75, it’s never too late to fall in love again. Just ask some of our members who have been surprised how they have found love and it has taken them by surprise.

A new romance? It’s never too late

A new romance? It’s never too late

listen to the stories of people’s lives when they join A Table for Six. Everyone has such an interesting story to tell. Here is an example “I’ve been single for a while now and I’m quite comfortable. My friends are wonderful and I enjoy my work. I love my home and I’m very grateful for my  family. Overall I’ve become very good at being single. But sometimes I really miss having a partner to share my life with. Someone to talk, snuggle and grow with. I’m afraid that after a divorce, it may be too late for me.”

I also listen to the stories of the members who have found what they were hoping for, long after they they thought that was possible.  Does this happen by accident or is it just good luck. Or is there something special they had done or changes they had made to connect with a partner at any age?

There is often a similar theme. They are people who had come to terms with the idea they may not ever find a special someone again. But, they had also done some inner work on themselves that meant they felt worthy of love. They had also reached a point where they were ready to accept a partner as he/she is and were ready to be accepted unconditionally by him/her.

They see their new relationship as peaceful with less drama. They have learnt from all of their previous experiences in their past relationships. Is their new love someone who is identical to them? No, but they share values and a commitment to bring out the best in each other. Each one is dedicated to the development of the other.

One couple I checked in with recently told me that their first year was hard. She was cleaning and tidying while he didn’t clean or pick up. He loved to watch some TV while she didn’t watch at all. Then they refocused on loving each other a lot and that’s the most precious thing in the world. She accepted him the way he is and didn’t worry about the little things. He was more considerate of her love of neatness, and made more effort to help out. She joined him to watch some TV that interested her too. He remembered to show his appreciation to her.

“As you follow this path, you will find that compassion and acceptance replace fear, negative judgement, and worry. You will approach dating with curiosity, fascination, and a light heart, wanting only what is good for yourself and another person. Instead of choosing a partner based on images, pretense, and roles, you will be able to join your journey with another and learn what it means to create a spiritual bond that is flexible and expansive for both.”

from “If the Buddha dated by Charlotte Kasl

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Margaret Newitt
www.atableforsix.com.au
info@atableforsix.com.au
1300 885 311A Table for Six

Do you need a nudge to make a change this year?

Do you need a nudge to make a change this year?

2017 is almost half way through. We have had a lot of success partnering our members up so far this year. We also heard from members who met through other means, but they said  that attending our dinners gave them the confidence in their lives that made all the difference. Our members tell us that they enjoy the dinners so much because they find them relaxed, and fun. The pressure they feel with internet dating isn’t there at our dinners. It’s all about the group enjoying some single company and conversation over dinner.

I never tire of hearing the members feedback and hearing of their enjoyment. We love to hear the good stories from our happy members.

Couple on bikes outdoors smiling

Do you ever feel as though there is someone out there that you could be deeply connected to-Someone that you haven’t met yet?

If you’re like most people who are single (and would prefer not to be), in spite of this wonderful sense of possibility, you also struggle with the challenge of how to bring this beloved person into your life. You may feel disappointed, frustrated, confused and even pain sometimes because they are not in your life yet.
I’m not usually a country music fan, but I caught a few lines of a song by Adam Brandt called “There will be love” that says it all. ” There will be love in our lives, just as long as we are willing to try.”

If any of that sounds familiar to you, we have helped people who thought they would never have success in dating again. Perhaps you need a nudge in the right direction, or you fear you are the least likely to succeed in dating.
Just remember, you don’t need to change anything externally about yourself or your life.  You only need to let go of those obstacles you have that are holding you back. Instead of spending another year hoping for love that doesn’t show up, you can contact us so that we can organise to have you out and meeting our fabulous members at dinners as soon as this weekend. You’ll be amazed by how quickly it can happen.

If you have goals to achieve in 2017 and one of them to to make a difference to your social/dating life, I want to invite you to make a commitment to yourself… A commitment that you’ll make this year the one you look back on as the year you made a change in your life.

Check out our upcoming dinners here

Margaret Newitt
www.atableforsix.com.auA Table for Six
info@atableforsix.com.au
1300 885 311

Create the most wonderful luck you can dream of

Create the most wonderful luck you can dream of

Do you know someone who seems to be very lucky? They have met a wonderful partner and they are very happy and enjoying a close loving relationship.

Do you believe that they are just lucky? Most of the people I know who have had success in relationships (or in any other area of life) have not just been drawn out of a life lottery  to receive this blessing. It may appear to you that they just went out on their first evening as a single person and this perfect person just appeared. But behind every overnight success there is a lot of resilience.

Create the most wonderful luck you can dream of

Create the most wonderful luck you can dream of

You see, we all make our own luck.  Luck is about showing up in life with an open attitude. It’s about believing, connecting, seeing opportunities, showing up, being consistent, loyal, and living life fully open and boldly. Being lucky is about a whole lot of resilience and persistance.

So many people expect that they should have everything they desire straight away. We live in a quick fix society where many things are available at our fingertips. But the important things in life are worth waiting for and they don’t usually happen overnight. People don’t want to hear that a lot of preparation and persistence is needed to attain what they want.

If you go out and someone says something to upset you, you can choose how to react. You can choose to let them spoil your evening, or you can choose to let it go. You can even choose to be empathetic to them. What could have happened in their life today to make them act this way?

People who understand that they are working towards an outcome, know that we hold the power to create our own experiences and everything that happens to us. In any given moment we have the opportunity to experience a bad moment or to observe positive things and enjoy a great moment.

The person you know who seems so lucky because they went out and met their partner most likely went out on many occasions with an open, loving attitude to the people they met. They possibly didn’t always feel on top of the world. They possibly didn’t always feel like being positive and making an effort to ensure they engaged with everyone. But they know that how you act and react to to others is key to how happy you are in your life.

Create the most wonderful luck you can dream of. So go out and create the most wonderful luck you can dream of.

Check out our upcoming dinners here

Margaret Newitt
www.atableforsix.com.auA Table for Six
info@atableforsix.com.au
1300 885 311

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Relationship break-up? Best way to move forward

Relationship break-up? Best way to move forward

Relationship breakups are never easy. The end of a relationship with someone you really care about can cause more pain than most events in your life.
Even if you were the one to instigate the breakup, you will most likely feel a whole range of emotions during the coming weeks and months.
Maybe you can look back now and clearly see the signs that trouble was coming. Or maybe, you still can’t work out how this happened.
Men don’t tend to acknowledge their emotions and feelings and are even less likely to discuss them. So there’s a lot less written about about their side of the situation.
But they certainly feel the range of emotions from disbelief, anger, sadness, loss, depression but sometimes relief.
Studies show that men  might even be affected more by breakups than women.
There are a lot of different variations of breakups. And every relationship is unique. Here are some coping strategies to help single men through those bleak, dark days after a breakup.

Relationship break-up? Best way to move forward

Relationship break-up? Best way to move forward

Feel the emotions and move through the pain

From childhood, men are discouraged from showing their emotions. “Be a man” and “big boys don’t cry” are phrases meant to hold those feelings in and don’t dare show them. During a relationship breakup, a man may have such strong emotions it overwhelms the instinct to suppress them. Instead of trying to hold them in, just allow them to wash over you. Feel them and know that you are going to feel bad for some time. It is better to really feel those emotions and work through them. To push them down will mean that they will manifest in a different (worse) way.
It may be tempting to cover up your feelings in temporary distractions such as drinking, drugs or working too much. This may help to distract you from the pain temporarily, but it may prolong the healing process that is necessary to move forward.

Don’t go all out to try to get her back

If your partner did the breaking up, you may feel tempted to go all out to win her back with flowers, poems and gifts. Unfortunately this may just come across as desperate. They could just need some space and showering them with over the top gestures will just make them feel pressured. If they are truly the one for you, no such huge gestures will be needed. You can’t force someone to want to spend their life with you or love you.

Quality sleep helps in moving forward

Sleep can be affected. Your mind is going crazy and can be out of control going over what went wrong. Those conversation you had or wished you had. And what you wish you had done differently. iTunes have a lot of recordings that are effective in helping to replace that mind chatter with peaceful sounds to help you drift off and to get some quality sleep.

Do something for yourself

The temptation to wallow in self pity or sadness can be strong. You are going to have to really take strong positive steps to use this time to your own long term advantage. It’s a good time to take up a new interest. Perhaps something you always wanted to do but couldn’t while you were in the relationship. Doing something creative, like playing a musical Instrument can be therapeutic. Even if you are not normally the creative type. If you would prefer to be more active, it is a good time to be more focussed on fitness. Being active has proven positive effects on mental and emotional well being.

Enjoy being single
There is a positive side to being single. There will come a time when you move from being miserable to realising some of the sacrifices you made in the relationship to keep the harmony. Make the decision to do something you wouldn’t have done when you were in the relationship. Go out with your mates to an all you can eat bar b que meat meal, go and watch some of the fight championships or stay in and watch Batman films.  It’s about enjoying your new single status. It’s making the most of an otherwise painful situation.You may even feel empowered when you realise that you now have the freedom to do the things that make you happy.

Buy a gift for yourself

Spoil yourself by purchasing something that makes you happy. No need to empty your savings account, but sometimes when you are feeling low a hit of retail therapy can give you a boost. Maybe you have put off upgrading your golf clubs, or buying that motorbike you’ve dreamed of owning. Recognise and acknowledge that you can make you own choices to do what makes you happy.

Get away

Taking a holiday away after a relationship breakup is truly expressing your new freedom. It will be different for each man, but the beauty is that you alone can choose. You don’t need to take anyone else’s wishes  into consideration. Take a road trip with no bookings or definite plans. Take a hiking holiday in the wilderness to reconnect with nature. Take some time to find the real you who could be a little wiser now.

Take a step back to look at the failed relationship objectively. Try not to blame anyone. I’m sure you can recognise there were things you could have done differently too. We are all just doing the best we can with what we know at the time. One day you may look back and recognise that the things you have learned from this failed relationship have enabled you to learn and grow and to enjoy a new amazing relationship. When you know more, you can do better.

Check out our upcoming dinners here

Margaret Newitt
www.atableforsix.com.auA Table for Six
info@atableforsix.com.au
1300 885 311

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Meet at dinner? 8 good reasons

Meet at dinner? 8 good reasons

Who will I meet at dinner?
Before you attend our dinners, remind yourself that you may meet the man/woman of your dreams. But, even if you don’t, he/she may live next door to them. Or, you never know, he/she may invite you along to meet a group of their friends with lots of interesting singles. Someone at dinner may just inspire you to get involved with a hobby or interest you have been putting off for so long. They may inspire you to book that trip to Europe you have been dreaming of.

Meet at dinner? 8 good reasons

Meet at dinner? 8 good reasons

It’s important to be pro-active in  going out to meet at dinner, but it’s not possible to know how a partner may appear to you. The most important thing is to remember that even if you don’t meet a partner at a particular dinner, it will lead to new, diverse, interesting experiences you would never have enjoyed and discovered if you hadn’t attended.

This is who you will meet at dinner.

They are tired of Singles who lie about wanting a real, long term relationship.

They love these opportunities for Singles to meet at dinner where there’s no pressure and it’s all about having fun and making new connections first.

They crave meeting people and having that feeling of “Ah, these people really get me.”

They want to meet decent Singles who have dealt with their baggage and have an open heart.

They struggle to deal with Singles who just want to be able to tick off their list of requirements.

They secretly yearn to meet someone who makes the journey seem like the time is right, the place is right and the connection is definitely right.

They are looking for their new best friend.

They want to have that special connection with a partner who treats them with love and kindness, expressed through kind thoughts, loving words and kind actions.

Promise me you’ll always remember: You’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.
— A.A. Milne

Do any of these resonate with you?
Are there any others you would add to our list?
Is that the sort of person you are?

Check out our upcoming dinners here

Margaret Newitt
www.atableforsix.com.auA Table for Six

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An amazing story~Don’t miss it

An amazing story~Don’t miss it  

When you are setting out of your house on an evening out, are you excited and looking forward to having some fun and connecting with new interesting people? Or, does the little voice in your head sabotage you before you even arrive by whispering that you won’t meet anyone you like?

If you set your intention before you arrive at your destination – if you decide that you are looking forward to meeting people with interesting stories to tell – if you see yourself having a great time – you are setting yourself up to succeed. You will be laying the groundwork for making new friends, dating and even falling in love to happen.

Smiling man holding flowers over gray background and looking at camera

An amazing story~Don’t miss it

But if you set out expecting that the man or woman of your dreams will be there with outstretched arms waiting for you, you are setting yourself up to be disappointed and also missing out on a real gem.

We have all been guilty of judging. It’s a natural human trait. But it is self sabotaging behaviour. You meet some new people and make a judgement about them because of their hairstyle or the colour of their shoes. This moment of judgement could stop you from getting to know them and you could be missing out on a wonderful friendship.

Judging others is really only hurting ourselves. It’s no reflection on the other person.

When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.” ~ Wayne dyer

If you find yourself slipping into that mode of noticing negative things, be committed to looking for opportunities that bring you pleasure. The delicious food, a spectacular view or the person you just met who gave you a tip about real estate. Notice the lovely smile on the person with the purple shoes.

And that person with the very different hairstyle, could be the most interesting person in the room.

If you judge a book by it’s cover,
you might miss out on an amazing story

Check out our upcoming dinners here

Margaret Newitt
www.atableforsix.com.auA Table for Six
info@atableforsix.com.au
1300 885 311

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Are you ready for a new relationship?

Are you ready for a new relationship?

Relationships are not black and white. Is the old relationship really dead? Should I be going out to meet someone else? Or should I just wait to see how my old relationship pans out? Sometimes we struggle to know when is the time to take the step to see who else is out there for us.

Are you ready for a new relationship?

Are you ready for a new relationship?

You may be missing the companionship of the opposite sex and would like to take the plunge and start meeting new people. It is important that you have dealt with any relationship baggage before you return to the dating scene. Perhaps you could ask yourself the following questions to learn if you are ready to move on, or are still dealing with a past relationship.

Are you able to speak of the past relationship without feeling angry or bitter about the way it ended. This kind of reaction may be a turn-off to potential new love interests and may indicate you are still grieving.

If your ex contacted you to rekindle the relationship how would you respond? If your immediate response is to take him/her back, you might not be ready to participate in a new healthy relationship.

Do you talk about the relationship or your ex a lot? If you find yourself in conversations with your friends or family that lead to a story involving your ex, the situation is still very much  at the forefront of your mind and you may need to take more time to heal any hurt caused by the breakup.

Can you speak of the relationship in a positive way? Recounting stories, accepting the relationship for what it was, realising what you may have learnt from this relationship is a strong sign that you are moving on. If you still get anxious or upset when you see your ex or look at a photo, you might need more time to heal.

Everyone’s journey is different and we all take different amounts of time to grieve. But do encourage yourself to let go and move on. Once you feel you are ready, try going out and having fun without it needing to result in a relationship straight away. Give yourself positive self talk and remember that good things still await you and you will find that someone special at the right time.

Our A Table for Six dinners are a great way to ease yourself back into the singles social scene. There’s no pressure and you will be able to practise enjoying the company of a lot of different people. We’re here to serve you and to help ease you back into dating.

Check out our upcoming dinners here

Margaret Newitt
www.atableforsix.com.auA Table for Six
info@atableforsix.com.au
1300 885 311

 

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