One of my male members told me about this experience. He had only been talking to this woman for part of the time at dinner. She said “You are the most interesting man I’ve met lately.” He was confused, he hadn’t told her very much about himself.
He said “How is that possible?” It made her laugh and she realised he was right.
The most interesting guy she had met! Why?
He wanted to know why she felt that way, so he prodded. Eventually she said “Because you ask really unique questions”.
The way you listen and get to know someone is one thing that can make a person interesting. If you know how to ask powerful questions that challenge a girl or make her think in a new way, she will think the conversation is interesting and project that on to you!
Next time you’re getting to know a girl at dinner (or anywhere else), don’t waste your time asking the same old questions that every other guy asks her like “What do you do for a living?Where are you from?” etc. You’ll get to those eventually.
Next time, ask interesting questions like “If you could be anywhere right now where would it be?” or “When was the last time you laughed so hard you almost peed?”They love answering those types of questions.
When she is enjoying telling you about something she loves to do, ask her “What’s that like?”
Try to engage her passionate and emotional side rather than her rehearsed answers she has given many times before. When you can get a girl to express her feelings about a certain subject, she will feel a connection with you on an emotional level.
That’s a powerful start and she will remember how you made her feel.
The secret is to ask the right questions. They will feel special and know you are interested.
It doesn’t matter whether you’re meeting people to make new friends, or date an amazing woman…
They can tell if you are genuinely interested in them.
Humans are reciprocal beings. When you give interest, you get interest.
“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” – Dale Carnegie
Women want to know that you find them (specifically) interesting. They want to know that there’s SOMETHING other than just being an attractive woman that attracted you.
Why isn’t she interested?
Because everyone wants to feel special. When you make them feel that way, they’ll want to do the same for you.
Your mindset – Reset your measure of success from obtaining an outcome to simply being curious about people.
Have a curiosity date (or two).
When you are meeting new people, your only goal is to answer this question about them:
“Who are they?”
Stay mindful of your goal. Plan ahead what you would like to know about people you meet. Make sure they are things you actually care about. If it doesn’t really interest you, you won’t be engaged and they will be able to tell you are not being genuinely interested.
You’re trying to get a better understanding of their personality, interests, and overall character. Have a few questions brainstormed in advance that you could ask.
What are their favorite books, movies, TV shows, comedians, or musicians?
What’s the best place they’ve traveled to? Or, where are they most excited to visit?
Would they rather live in the country or the city?
What do they love or hate about their current job? What’s their dream job instead?
What’s their favorite way to exercise?
What did they want to be when they were a kid?
What scares them?
What’s the biggest change they made in the last year?
Are they close with their family?
What’s something most people don’t know about them?
If they were to die tomorrow, how would they spend their last day?
Some additional tips to help with your curiosity night:
If you can’t remember what to ask, remember the four topics that are always guaranteed to get people to open up.
Ask them about their DREAMS, RECREATION, OCCUPATION and FAMILY.
It’s best to start out with lighter questions and progress to more personal questions as time progresses. They will feel uneasy if the first question you ask is too personal.
Instead of asking “Do you like to read?” Ask an open ended question that will require them to open up about themselves. “What is your favourite type of book?”
You want to learn about their emotions and motivations. So, don’t just ask cold, bare facts. Another example, don’t just ask do they have a family. Ask what is the best thing about their family.
Don’t just ask what they do for a living, ask what drives them to go every morning, what is their biggest challenge, and where they would like to go from there.
When they say something that impresses you, give them a real compliment.
Remember their name. People love to hear their own name and feel special when you remember it.
Your old mindset of “How can I be good enough for this person? has now changed to “Is this someone I want in my life based on what I’m learning about them?” and this cultivates a mindset of abundance.
It forces you to make an honest evaluation of people and takes them off that pedestal. You will no longer feel desperate to fit their mold and you will have the courage to walk away from those who aren’t a good fit for you.
You will grow in confidence. In turn, that confidence attracts not only more people, but the right people.
Now that you have people interested in you. Don’t forget to treat them the same way you treat those closest to you.
You are not imagining it. Women don’t always tell you exactly what they want.
But that doesn’t mean you have to stay in the dark.
There’s a logical way to shed some light on what women want when it comes to approaching, flirting, and getting a woman’s number.
She won’t tell you this
With a little help, you will know how to essentially read a woman’s mind in these crucial areas so you can know what she wants, without her actually saying it to you.
One of the things you should never expect a woman to tell you is when to approach her. She might tell you. But if you expect it, you could be missing out on a a potentially great connection.
You can never expect a woman to say, “I’d like you to approach me now.”
Even if she really wants you to approach her, she is not likely to come over and let you know.
She doesn’t want to be approached by every man. Only the ones she feels comfortable around, if not attracted to. As long as you are relaxed, that’s important. Even if she isn’t attracted to you, or has a boyfriend, she’ll still feel flattered.
What is the best way to approach her and make sure it goes well?
The most important thing is you have the attitude of, “I’m just going to say “Hi”. With no huge expectations. Whatever happens is great.
If she responds negatively, there are 3 possible reasons.
1. She’s not as nice as she looks.
2. She’s having a bad night.
3. I came off wrong because I’m still learning how to approach well.
That’s it! No other reasons. It’s definitely not “Oh, i guess I’m just very unattractive!”
None of those reasons is personal to you. They are either about her, or your skill level. And that is able to be improved.
You may have some room for improvement in the way you behave, the way you present yourself, but some of the reasons don’t have anything to do with you in particular. It is very important for your success that you don’t take rejections that have nothing to do with you personally.
Every second you spend worrying about them is a second you could invest in approaching another woman who wants to get to know you.
Men- you need to know this Do you want that woman to give you her number and actually catch up with you again? Well, you need to get her permission before you even ask.
Talk with her about the things you are passionate about. Find out hers, and find ones that you both share.
Men- you need to know this
This will get her excited to share new experiences with you. It’s much easier for a woman to say ‘yes’ to catch up with you again when there is a clear reason. She needs to be able to justify to herself (and her friends) why she wants to see you again and to know that she is making a good choice. Meet her at our dinners here
If you have already talked about a great cycling spot with a beautiful view along the way, your antique MG car you love to take for drives, or a fantastic band who have a show coming up, you are painting a picture in her mind. Then, it’s much easier to say:
‘I’d love you to see my car, come for a drive next weekend, or ‘So, we are definitely seeing that show next week.’ and then pullout your phone.
“Do you want to catch up some time? or “I would like your number to meet up again sometime.”
Which invitation do you think she is more likely to agree to? Which one makes it more difficult to say no to”?
She is no fool, she knows what’s at stake. She just needs a reason to say yes. So, plant the seed of excitement and anticipation early on, you won’t need to try so hard to sell her on the idea of spending time together – she will do it herself. Meet her at our dinners here
If you would like some more insight into how this could work for you, call me on 1300 885 311 and I will be happy to encourage, and inspire you.
How you treat your Mum
How you treat your Mum is an indication of how you will treat her if it becomes a long term relationship. Nobody wants a Mummy’s boy, but do you treat your Mum with respect and genuine concern? What is your general attitude to her and do you help her when she needs it? Your new date is thinking about these things and if she would want to be treated this way.
What are your friends like?
If your mates are sweet and supportive, she will be impressed. If they are mean to each other or mostly only share common interests like gambling, heavy drinking or strip clubs, it will most probably be a turn off.
Who stays in his life?
If you keep friends in your life for many years, you probably have wonderful qualities that these people want to be around. If you are constantly ditching your old friends for new ones, then she may decide that you could have some toxic elements in your life.
Do you fight fair?
When you are in the intoxicating early part of your relationship, you most likely won’t have had a fight yet. But, you are sure to have one before too long. The best couples in the world fight…it’s healthy. The difference is how you fight. If you are nasty during a fight, use name calling, become aggressive and scary, she will be considering if you are who she is looking for. A good guy can disagree without disrespecting.
How she feels
She is going to be thinking about how you make her feel. Do you make her feel special and important? Are you considerate and thoughtful? Of course, a little bit of excitement and unpredictability is well received too.
Do you come across as rock solid and someone she could rely on? She will think you are spectacular if you inspire her to be a better person and bring out the best in her.
She gave you her number, you have phoned a couple of times and left a message…she isn’t returning your calls. Have you experienced this? What is going on?
Rest assured you are not the only man who met a woman, it felt like there was a spark there. She gave you her number to make contact, but now when you call or text, she never returns your call or responds in any way. Why is this happening?
Why she does not return your call
The important thing to know is that it most probably isn’t anything about you. You should not take it personally. Once you understand this, it will set you free. You will simply move on and let her be.
Here are some of the reasons that could be the cause:
You may have shared some laughs and had some things on common. She thought you were polite, but just didn’t see you as someone she would date. She wasn’t really interested in the first place.
She got a bit caught up in the moment. It made her feel good to have someone interested in her. She felt something for you at the time, but now that the moment has passed, the interest isn’t there anymore. You were interesting, but she doesn’t want to take it further.
You could be the right person, but the wrong time. She could have recently come out of another relationship. Her heart could have been broken, or she could still be holding a flame for someone else. She just is not ready.
A lot of women don’t like to hurt a man’s feelings. They are not sure and don’t want to lead you on. They worry about having to reject you down the track. They prefer to avoid the anxiety and decide not to go there and remain single.
Both men and women tend to take things personally. It is usually about something that is going on in their lives. It is not that you are uninteresting. If they decide not to respond to your calls, just move on to someone who thinks you are an amazing person.
No matter how good you are with women, you will ultimately come across this scenario. The more experience you have, the better you will become at recognising the warning signs. Don’t ever take it personally.
It is a numbers game. Anytime you are dealing with people, there is going to be unpredictable behaviour and outcomes. Dating makes your emotions vulnerable at anytime and if you are aware that these situations can happen, you will be better prepared. You can dust yourself off, pick yourself up and go out to meet new women.
“As I look back on my life, I realise that every time I thought I was being rejected from something good, I was actually being re-directed to something better.”
Why do some men get a a ‘Yes please’ pass my number on and others continue to get a ‘No thank you, he seemed very nice but i was not attracted to him’?
I notice a similar theme happening. The men who don’t get the number are mostly very nice, genuine guys. They’ve come along to dinner with their neat haircut, their fresh clean shirt and clean fingernails. They have their friendly guy smile and answer politely when it is their turn to speak or someone asks them a question.
What most men don’t know about women
Men are programmed to, basically, mate with almost any girl who shows up with nice hair, not too fat and anything better than a ’plain’ face.
Women, on the other hand, have a whole host of things they are looking for. No woman wants to imagine herself with a ‘regular, average man’ even if she is, in fact, a regular average woman. Every woman wants a man like she sees in the movies or reads about in romance books….unfair? Yes!
When an average man goes out, he usually goes like this:
1. Regular, average (boring) clothes,
2. Regular, average (boring) conversation,
3. Regular, average (boring) friendly vibe and
4. No idea how to run the date or manage it, instead hoping that somehow everyone will work out on its own.
Imagine if you were going for a job interview and it went like this: -Show up to interview in baggy, oversized, average suit
-Talk about whatever comes to mind, generally average boring work experience, with no forethought or focus on highlights like accomplishments and achievements
-Have an average, unassuming, regular vibe
-Come in with no plan for the interview, simply assuming he’ll just “wing it” and hoping he gets the job.
Do you think the job interview would go better is you:
-Show up in crisp, powerful clothes,
-Have well-thought out responses to interview question and insightful comments and queries to make and ask back
-Have a vibe of being excited, a go-getter, and an achiever
-Arrive with a definite plan for how the interview will go-who gel will begin it, how he will manage the middle, and how he will close it at the end.
Of course it would and so will your dinner dates.
Dress with style
Stop looking and acting like a friendly, nice guy.
Be interesting and have a plan.
The women that you find attractive spend a lot of time and money on enhancing their appearance. They put on make-up, have an up to date hair-do, they dress up in interesting clothes that enhance and make the most of their appearance. They wear high heels. They also read books on how to do better with men, how to be successful in dating, and on how men think and what men want. Women are constantly learning how to be more attractive to men and adjusting themselves accordingly. It sounds like a lot of work doesn’t it?
A lot of men are not at all aware of this. They still dress the same way they have for years, talk about the same things with women they talk about with their mates, and hope that, despite it being the man’s responsibility to lead things forward, things will somehow magically work out on their own. The men you see in those advertisements with the muscles and edgy look, were not born like that. They have worked on it over a period of time.
Once you understand what to do to have an advantage, it is just a matter of continually working on being more attractive to women, just as women as working hard to be attractive to them.
That is how a man can become a dashing, debonair chap that women are interested in and want to date.
Success! A follow up date with her. The secret formula.
How soon should I follow up? Should I Send a quick text? What should I say?
You’ve exchanged number with a lovely woman you met at A table for Six. She has passed her number to you. She will be expecting you to contact her and follow up. What is the best way to do it?
Success! A follow up date with her. The secret formula.
If you would like to improve your chances of a follow up date, call her within three days. If she doesn’t call you back after you have left a phone message, try one more time a few days later. If there is still no response, move on!
When you leave a voice message, let her know you enjoyed meeting her and would like to see her again soon. Don’t just call and hang up without leaving a voice message. That’ s not cool.
If you have a great idea for a follow up date, mention it in your voicemail. Don’t just say something like “Hey, it’s Tim, call me back.”
Women like to hear words of endearment, but not too mushy too soon.
You do have to pursue women, but they are the ones who make the decision.
Your first follow up date should be something special, but not too over the top. Plan something that will give you both an adrenaline rush. That will give you a better chance that she will become emotionally hooked on you. Most women don’t enjoy parachuting out of airplanes, but here are some activities they most probably will enjoy – ice skating, dancing, cycling, motor bike riding, outdoor picnics, boating or indoor amusement park.
Do not plan an overnight date at this stage. It’s too soon and could ruin your chances you may have for a long term relationship. Save that for a little down the track when you have been together for some time.
Beat the competition and become more confident in dating with these follow up suggestions.
“Woman begins by resisting a man’s advances and ends by blocking his retreat.” ~Oscar Wilde
Would you like to know what women are really checking out about the men at our A Table for Six singles dinners?
Some of the things that the women are taking note of when they meet you at dinner may surprise you. Or maybe you already know.
5 Things women Look For At a Table For Six
How you interact with everyone at the table including the other men.
It is an opportunity for them to gauge how you act in social situations. Are you considerate and inclusive in your conversations with everyone at the table?
How you interact with the restaurant staff.
Do you joke around in a “brighten their day and make their job easier way”? Do you treat them with respect and courtesy?
How you deal with settling the bill at the end of the evening. Are you generous by including a small tip? Are you organised by bringing along cash to put in your share?
Your general attitude to life in your conversations. Are you upbeat and mostly positive in your conversations? Do you speak negatively about ex-partners or women in general?
Are your fingernails clean? Are your clothes clean, appropriate and fairly up to date in fashion. Do you put in some effort to keep some sense of fitness and health?
I’m sure these are the things that you are taking note of when you meet women at dinner as well. It works both ways. Either way, we appreciate that you have dressed up nicely and come to dinner to meet our lovely female members.
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I’m sure you have heard the dating advice about the “Fear of Failure”. Should you ask the woman for her number?
This traditional Chinese proverb offers some wisdom.
“He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask is a fool for ever.”
Maybe you’ve heard this quote by Wayne Gretzky, former National Hockey League superstar.
“One hundred percent of the shots you don’t take don’t go in.”
Why some men always get the woman’s number
One guy decides to use this wisdom and asks and fails…over and again.
Guy number 2 decides not to ask for any woman’s number. Even though he meets women he finds attractive and have shown interest in him.
The moral of the story? You can’t win if you don’t try…true enough!
Or “Don’t let the fear of failure hold you back”.
Guy number one didn’t lose anything by asking. But he probably felt a bit deflated. He might have decided there was something wrong with the women he was meeting. However, if he continues to keep asking, he is certain to eventually get a number and a date.
Let me ask you a question!
Would you tackle a crocodile the same way more than once if it meant you came off worse?
Or borrow money from the mafia to pay your debts more than once?
There would be serious consequences!
People who try to do this, don’t live very much longer.
So, fear of failure is a very healthy thing!
But, there is another guy in this story… Guy number three.
Guy number three realises that attractive women get asked for their number or a date a lot. He needs to stand out. How to get the positive response he is looking for? He doesn’t want to waste his time. He wants to meet his special woman sooner.
There are many ways to stand out from the crowd (of men) and impress when asking for a contact number or date.
When you meet a woman you are attracted to…listen and observe! First, listen for her name. If you missed it, there is nothing wrong with asking her again. Call her by her name when you are speaking. It will help you remember it, and she will like it too.
Listen to the things she is interested in. There are a myriad of clues in there to help you in the future.
We have a standard “contact request” message we send. But, what if you asked us to send something special like this?
“Cassandra, I know you love Italian food. “I know this place..it’s not far from your area… they make the absolute best beef ragu with the most delicious tomato and red wine sauce. The beef is so tender it melts in your mouth. And they have the coldest beer anywhere on earth. Would you like to go there with me sometime soon?”
“Felicity, you mentioned you love jazz music! My favourite jazz band play a fantastic night of soul soothing and booty-shaking tunes. Would you like to join me for an evening of toe-tapping and great music and atmosphere?”
There is no guarantee this will have the desired response, but maybe she will be very impressed that you took interest in her and what she had to say. It could be a refreshing change.
Why not try this next time you meet a single woman at dinner that you find attractive? We will be delighted to send your personalised contact request.
Our goal is that you have the best possible experience at our dinners and events and especially that you have the best possible chance of getting a contact number of that special woman you met. Get my weekly blog here