How important are shared values?
Some people believe that to find a perfect partner, they need to find someone who shares the same interests, hobbies, falls within a certain age group or looks a certain way.
Of course, nobody is perfect. Everyone has some flaws or baggage if they have lived a life. But to find someone who has the right attitude with a few flaws is more realistic. For a relationship to survive in the medium to long term, it is more important to share most of the same values.
When our members join A Table for Six, we do take information on these interests. Some people have spent more time on deciding what is important in a car than their relationship. So take some time to list your top ten values . Then when you meet someone, you have a gauge to go by. Don’t expect them to be 10’s on every single item on your list, at least a 6 and preferable an 8 or 9.
Some of the more common core values might be;
1. They believe that family is very important.
2. They believe that maintaining a healthy work/life balance is important.
3. They believe that honesty is of utmost importance and trust must be earned.
4. They believe, or don’t believe in God or have an affiliation with a religious institution.
5. They believe in maintaining a healthy body.
6. They have a belief in being responsible in handling finances.
These are also values you might list as important to you;
Loving, nurturing, fit, inspiring, positive, motivated, fun-loving humorous, creative, honest, consistent, open-minded, committed, loyal, dependable, adventurous, passionate, respectful, athletic, educated, respected.
To really know if someone you meet has these values may take time. It is very well if they say they have them, but a core value is only a core value if the person lives by them, at least most of the time.
So what do you want? It’s good to have high standards, but who do you need to become to attract the person with these qualities you have listed? Is it time to look within yourself and ask if you are someone a person with these values would be attracted to?
This is the real question and where the biggest opportunity of change lies! It can also be hardest. Start putting a plan together for your life.