We have all made mistakes in relationships. Sometimes our mistakes have a catastrophic effect on our lives. And sometimes we can see with clarity what went wrong quiet quickly.
But to have successful relationships, the important thing is to recognise our destructive patterns, make different choices, and then keep our awareness focused so that we don’t go back to making bad choices.
In his book Never Go Back, author Dr Henry Cloud lists ten insights that will keep us from sabotaging our lives in a repeating pattern. His method is based on grace, instead of making ourselves feel guilty for past mistakes.
Dr Cloud lists these insights as things never to return to;
Return to what has worked. We should never go back to something that ended and expect different results.
Do anything that requires them to be someone they are not. We should ask ourselves questions. Does this suit me? Is this sustainable? Why am I really doing this?
Try to change another person. We can only every change ourselves, never another person. People will learn their own lessons in their own time as part of their journey.
Believe you can please everyone. When we chase the goals of others instead of pursuing our own dreams, we are not being guided by our instinct. Whatever you do, it should come from who you are and your unique gifts and talents.
Choose short-term comfort over long-term benefit. Successful people understand that they may need to step outside their comfort zone and experience some “pain”. They understand it will give them a long-term benefit and follow through.
Trust someone or something that appears flawless. We are all attracted to perfection, exceptional or high performing people. But life and people are rarely perfect. If someone or something appears to have no flaws, proceed with caution.
Take their eyes off the big picture. There will always be days when we loose sight of our overall aims and goals. Move on and refocus. The whole story is written over weeks, months and years, not a single day.
Neglect to do due diligence. Always take the time to take a look into the background and find out the details. You owe it to yourself.
Fail to ask why they are where they find themselves. To regularly ask themselves what part they are playing in the current situations in their lives, is one of the most important characteristics of successful people. They understand they are not victims, but create their own circumstances.
Forget their inner life determines their outer success. Who we are on the inside and the beliefs we hold about ourselves largely contribute to our external circumstances.
Achievers recognise the mistakes they are making and to decide to never repeat them. Don’t worry; there are always more lessons to learn.
“Use what talents you posses.
The woods would be very silent
if no birds sang except those that sang best.”
~Henry Van Dyke
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