When Rosemary (real name withheld) joined us, she had been through some interesting (to say the least) experiences in dating. She’d been hurt and disappointed in the guys she had met on online dating. Her friends had set her up on blind dates which ended awkwardly. She knew she had to take a different approach.
With Rosemary’s hectic career, she considered dating as just another job to be done. And when each encounter didn’t work out, it just proved to her that it isn’t worth it, is too much work and always causes pain. She took any rejection personally and always found flaws in the men she met so she could justify not seeing them again.
As you can imagine, this pattern didn’t lead to a positive outcome for Rosemary.
After taking a step back and taking a good look at how she had been approaching dating, Rosemary realised she had been tackling the situation in completely the wrong manner.
Rosemary decided to live in the present moment. Instead of worrying about the future and those things you can’t control, she decided to focus on those experiences and personal relationships that bring the most pleasure, no matter how small.
“I didn’t know how much fun dating could be! At the dinners you meet new people all the time. You never know who you will have a connection with. I’ve been to restaurants I’d always wanted to check out. With the people I’ve met at dinners, I’ve been on a picnic, a long walk on the beach, my first motorbike ride and snorkeling. We’ve caught up again for other dinners as a group after we’d met at a dinner. I’ve even taken up dance classes with one of my new friends.
At the dinners, I don’t think about whether they could be a future husband or what it would be like to kiss them. I try not to analyse anything too much. I focus on making conversation and connections with interesting singles. If we have a connection, that’s great. If we don’t….we’ve had an interesting evening and I’ve always learnt something about life and myself.
Changing my focus has meant that I’ve had a lot more fun. I gained a lot of friends and who knows where that will lead. I go out now without a lot of crazy expectations.”
Rosemary has taken the pressure off herself and committed to just having some fun along the way. It’s the type of attitude that men find very attractive – being happy, confident and not focused on whether they are marriage material.
Commit to having fun, and I predict you will enjoy the process and have people standing in line to spend tine with you.