“No matter how much we have achieved in any area of our lives, true fulfilment can only be found in one thing: the emotional quality of our personal relationships. ~Tony Robbins
Stop that attitude of procrastination
What do you think about that quote? It certainly rings true for me. Everyone wants to have financial security and to be able to enjoy the freedom of knowing they can have the possessions, experiences and creature comforts they desire. But have you ever noticed that plenty of people such as celebrities or the mega wealthy are among the most unhappy, screwed-up people on the planet?
And yet, so often, we forsake our personal relationships and the time and attention we could devote to making this area of lives much better. Instead, we work ridiculous hours or put our heads in the sand thinking that something will change by itself.
Here is just one of the ways you can create new or better relationships.
Have a warm and open attitude to new people.
“Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.”
You are going to feel some nervousness and that voice in your head may tell you not to do it. But, being open to meeting new people and breaking through the inner resistance, will be much more rewarding.
Our members are amazing and awesome. They have that nervousness and resistance too. But they are proactive and know the rewards that follow when they make the effort to be friendly, open and accepting of the people they meet. That’s why it is my ultimate pleasure to be able to facilitate these experiences for them.
Some people believe that to find a perfect partner, they need to find someone who shares the same interests, hobbies, falls within a certain age group or looks a certain way.
How important are shared values?
Of course, nobody is perfect. Everyone has some flaws or baggage if they have lived a life. But to find someone who has the right attitude with a few flaws is more realistic. For a relationship to survive in the medium to long term, it is more important to share most of the same values.
When our members join A Table for Six, we do take information on these interests and also their values. Some people have spent more time on deciding what is important in a car than their relationship. So take some time to list your top ten values . Then when you meet someone, you have a gauge to go by. Don’t expect them to be 10’s on every single item on your list, at least a 6 and preferable an 8 or 9.
Some of the more common core values might be;
1. They believe that family is very important.
2. They believe that maintaining a healthy work/life balance is important.
3. They believe that honesty is of utmost importance and trust must be earned.
4. They believe, or don’t believe in God or have an affiliation with a religious institution.
5. They believe in maintaining a healthy body.
6. They have a belief in being responsible in handling finances.
These are also values you might list as important to you;
To really know if someone you meet has these values may take time. It is very well if they say they have them, but a core value is only a core value if the person lives by them, at least most of the time.
So what do you want? It’s good to have high standards, but who do you need to become to attract the person with these qualities you have listed? Is it time to look within yourself and ask if you are someone a person with these values would be attracted to? This is the real question and where the biggest opportunity of change lies! It can also be hardest. Start putting a plan together for your life.
Relationships are not black and white. Is the old relationship really dead? Should I be going out to meet someone else? Or should I just wait to see how my old relationship pans out? Sometimes we struggle to know when is the time to take the step to see who else is out there for us.
Are you ready for a new relationship?
You may be missing the companionship of the opposite sex and would like to take the plunge and start meeting new people. It is important that you have dealt with any relationship baggage before you return to the dating scene. Perhaps you could ask yourself the following questions to learn if you are ready to move on, or are still dealing with a past relationship.
Are you able to speak of the past relationship without feeling angry or bitter about the way it ended. This kind of reaction may be a turn-off to potential new love interests and may indicate you are still grieving.
If your ex contacted you to rekindle the relationship how would you respond? If your immediate response is to take him/her back, you might not be ready to participate in a new healthy relationship.
Do you talk about the relationship or your ex a lot? If you find yourself in conversations with your friends or family that lead to a story involving your ex, the situation is still very much at the forefront of your mind and you may need to take more time to heal any hurt caused by the breakup.
Can you speak of the relationship in a positive way? Recounting stories, accepting the relationship for what it was, realising what you may have learnt from this relationship is a strong sign that you are moving on. If you still get anxious or upset when you see your ex or look at a photo, you might need more time to heal.
Everyone’s journey is different and we all take different amounts of time to grieve. But do encourage yourself to let go and move on. Once you feel you are ready, try going out and having fun without it needing to result in a relationship straight away. Give yourself positive self talk and remember that good things still await you and you will find that someone special at the right time.
Our A Table for Six dinners are a great way to ease yourself back into the singles social scene. There’s no pressure and you will be able to practise enjoying the company of a lot of different people. We’re here to serve you and to help ease you back into dating.
Do you have friends who are in happy relationships and all coupled up? Most of us do.
They usually have an interesting story to tell about how they came to be together. If they haven’t shared their story with you, ask them to do so. Very often you will find that they didn’t have an instant attraction. They may have met a few times before there were any sparks flying.
Although most men appear to be playing it cool, some are genuinely unsure of themselves. Many men need a little encouragement from a woman to know that you are interested.
A second meeting?
We receive requests for contact numbers after our dinners as you know. It’s a fantastic gauge that the dinner was a success and people made connections. There’s the obvious ones where a man requests a lady’s number or a lady requests a man’s number. But also many times it is for friendship as well. When single, it’s very important to have single friends to spend time with.
Once we receive a reply we pass the contact number on to the person who asked for it. But sometimes the answer is a no.
Why not catch up for a drink?
All of our members have an interesting story to tell. Why not at least catch up for a coffee or a drink? It’s a good idea to meet for a brief catchup the first time. That way if there isn’t a connection you can go your own ways. But, you may find that you have more in common that you first thought.
If your happily coupled up friends hadn’t gotten together after their first meeting they wouldn’t be together today. Say yes to another catch up.
It’s great to emphasise the positive things about being single, but having that special someone in our lives can make us feel a lot better in many ways. Family and friends are wonderful, but sometimes they just don’t fill the space that only a loving partner can fill.
Are you fantastic enough?
Having someone to share a special moment on a holiday, a sunset at the beach, to plan a special weekend away with, or to show off your cooking skills, is life at its best.
For some people it seems so easy. Do they know something you don’t? Are they a better catch than you? I doubt it, but maybe there are some skills that can be brushed up on to help you make a shift so as to become more attractive to a future partner. Meet him at our dinners here
There is only one you
Create and radiate your personal style and let it reflect exactly who you are. Wear the clothes that make you feel great and emphasise your best mental and physical attributes. Spend your time doing the things that make you feel excited and fulfilled.
Make people feel good
Everybody wants to feel loved and valued. Treating everyone you come into contact with in this way, makes you instantly attractive whether they are partner material or not. It isn’t that difficult to smile, look someone in the eye and say hi, listen to them and show an interest in what they think and how they feel.
Qualities are important
If you want to attract someone who is fit, energetic and lives a healthy lifestyle, reflect that yourself. If you want to attract a motivated, successful achiever, “radiate” that outlook on life.
Where do the people you want to attract spend their time?
If you want to meet a successful professional, then taking a golf membership at an exclusive club or attending our A Table for Six dinners is probably better than looking in personal columns.
Don’t be needy or insecure
Take a look at your behaviour and determine any issues you may have about trust. Neediness is often associated with a shortage of trust, and sometimes a fear of abandonment. If you are doubting someone’s feelings towards you or their loyalty, ask yourself why you don’t trust. Is it because of something they did, or is it because of something someone did in the past? If you really care for this person and they have earned your trust, give it to them. Meet him at our dinners here
It’s important to focus on what you would like and to take steps to accomplish it. But, someone who has a fun life doing the things that they love can be very attractive. If you don’t think that you are fantastic, there’s a good chance that others won’t either.
“No” is just a word. It doesn’t mean anything else about you!
If you asked someone for a contact to catch up again and they said “No,” don’t make it mean anything about you. There are many reasons why they may have declined. Most often it is because of something in their life. Perhaps they lack the self-confidence to put themselves in a position where they could become vulnerable. By vulnerable I mean letting someone close to them. Their ex-partner may have come back into the scene. Or they may be still healing from a past relationship.
Ask for his number. It is easy
The important thing is that you remain optimistic and open to possibility. I’d like to extend an invitation to you to ask more often when you meet someone appealing. 100% of the people you don’t ask will not say “Yes.” So ask, and if they say “No,” it doesn’t mean anything about you.
Remember that we will do the asking for you as part of our personal service to you. When we send our request for feedback, just let us know who you would like to see again and we will follow up for you.
Find a partner who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on them, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep… wait for the one who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of their friends, who thinks you’re just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much they care and how lucky they are to have you…. The one who turns to their friends and say, ‘that’s her.’ ~ Unknown
The art of love is largely the art of persistence
Do you feel like you are always dating the wrong people? I often hear from Singles who contact us that they are tired of dating the wrong people and repeating a pattern that ends in a bad relationship.
Sometimes they choose people who just aren’t available for a genuine relationship. It may be that they have not moved on from a previous relationship, or they are just not emotionally capable of a healthy relationship.
Sometimes they date people who have lied to them and falsely represented themselves. Only after dating them for a while they discover that this person has a addiction, or isn’t as financially secure as they claimed.
If you recognise that you are continually choosing the wrong people to date, then stop and think about your pattern of behaviour. Try to understand where those choices come from, recognise them, and make different choices next time.
Your friends or family may be able to help you with this process as sometimes they can see a pattern of behaviour easier than we can ourselves. You could even seek the help of a therapist.
Most importantly, if finding a loving partner is high on your list, treat it as a priority. If you were looking for a suitable job, you wouldn’t stop applying for suitable positions. What could be more important than finding a partner who compliments you and your life? So be proactive and make smart choices that will have you out meeting potential partners.
Here is a quote that says it all…
The art of love… is largely the art of persistence.
So often we have a big goal in mind. We know exactly what we want.
“I want a husband/wife who I adore and who adores me.”
Maybe they are nowhere in sight just yet. However, It’s important to remember and acknowledge the progress you have made towards your big goal.
Don’t forget to celebrate your dating progress
Six months ago, you were newly single. Not a thing planned for the weekend, except feeling sorry for yourself. All of your friends are married or in relationships, so no possibility of a fun night out there.
But look at you now! You’ve updated your wardrobe and hairstyle. You’re feeling much more confident. You have met some new single friends at those fitness classes you’ve joined. Maybe you’ve joined A Table for Six where you’ve had some very enjoyable evenings meeting new singles over dinner. The new friends you’ve made enjoy going out for dinner, or the movies, or to that sporting game as much as you do, so your weekends are filling up quickly now.
Don’t downplay your progress. Feelings of guilt or unworthiness can take the wind out of your sails. Charles Duhigg, author of acclaimed book The Power of Habit states: “A huge body of research has shown that small wins have enormous power, and influence disproportionate to the accomplishments of the victories themselves.”
Your confidence has grown a lot because you know there are other interesting singles who are single too.
So, track your progress. Your life is a little better every day and you are making progress. Your social life is so much better than it was six months ago. Rather than complaining that you haven’t arrived at the big goal yet, embrace your evolution.
“Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.” ~Martin Luther King Jr
Encourage and acknowledge yourself this week,
Surround yourself with the kind of people you want to meet
“Just have patience, the perfect person will come along when the time is right.”
If you’ve been single for a while, I’m sure you have heard this many times. You probably don’t enjoy hearing it. We have all become accustomed to having what we want, when we want it.
If you find yourself at a green light with a driver in front who is day dreaming, how many seconds do you wait before you toot the horn? And waiting for someone to answer a phone call when you’re kept waiting is another top frustration.
But when it comes to finding a partner, they are absolutely right -when the time is right, your person will come into your life.
The best plan is to lead your day-to-day life in a way where you’re enjoying yourself, surrounding yourself with and meeting the kinds of singles you want to meet so that you’re not always ‘on the hunt.’ Then you won’t have that desperate vibe of being at a venue only to meet your next date.”
Are you living your dream life? I’m not talking about material possessions you wish you had. Take time to think about your decisions and where you’re headed in the important areas of life, such as your social life. If there is even a single thing you could do right now to make your life better, go for it. Take control of your life and actively design it as you go along.
Being single and having friends who are a happily dating or married can leave you feeling like a 3rd wheel. It can make you want love more than anything in the world, and it’s natural to feel lonely or sad if you can’t find it. But love yourself and love spending time solo, and finding ways to stay interested and excited about life without a significant other. This will make you feel even better when that special person comes along!
“Never say someone completes you. You have to feel complete all on your own. Instead, look for someone to complement your completeness”
If you set goals every year about your social life, but haven’t been able to reach them, you are not alone. But fortunately, there’s a way that could make the difference. You won’t be all talk and no action any longer.
Set a timeline for your goals and let’s call it S.M.A.R.T. Business consultants have used this acronym for many years and it’s proven to work, if you follow the guideline. So why not use it in the most important area of your life-your goals of finding wonderful, supportive friends and/or a partner who wants a real, long term relationship.
Dating goals, actions & amazing outcomes
Just because you haven’t reached your goals of finding new interesting people to spend time with, or dating people who make you feel alive and vibrant doesn’t make you bad, lazy or incapable. You just needed the best tools to help you.
Specific If you set a vague goal like “I want to start meeting more eligible Singles”, how will you know when you have reached your goal?
More specific goals provide you a guide on how to get there. Breaking it down into steps will stop you from feeling overwhelmed.
Questions like these will get you on the path.
Who: Who is involved?
What: What is it that I want to accomplish?
When: Establish a time frame to have attained the goal.
Where: What are your requirements and constraints.
Why: Your specific reasons and purpose of accomplishing the goal.
These questions will lead you to ask yourself questions like these.
Do I want to meet a lot of single people or focus on meeting a partner?
What activities do I enjoy where I could potentially meet other Singles I would enjoy meeting?
How much time do I have to spend sourcing potential singles before I meet them?
How much time do I want to spend attending events etc. meeting Singles?
What could I do to give myself a better chance of meet desirable Singles? Such as a new hairdo or loosing some weight.
Measurable Establish a way of measuring if you are on track to attain your goal. How many and how much are great questions to ask yourself.
How many events will I attend per month?
How many follow up coffee or drinks dates will I have?
What other steps have I taken this month to present myself in my best light?
Attainable Now that you have defined the desires that are most important to you, you’ll start to imagine yourself attaining them. You’ll think of ways to make them happen.
If you know you can attend one singles event weekly, and you start doing so, you’ll notice that your confidence will grow. You’ll feel like you are on track and your goal is attainable.
Realistic A realistic goal is something you are willing and able to work towards. It may be a high or low goal.
You may want to simply expand your social circle to include three new friends this year. (That would be great, wouldn’t it?) Or a high goal may be to meet your potential life partner in six weeks.
Time Frame Without an end date to your goal, there is no sense of urgency. The date you wish to accomplish your goal will fuel you to act on things that you sometimes may want to delay till later.
Here’s an example of a vague goal:
I want to meet more Singles and a partner.
Here’s an example of a specific goal:
I want to meet a life partner by 30th June. I will attend two singles events and will follow up with four people I meet every week for six months.
Hope this helps you attain everything you wish for yourself this year.