Category Archives: Relationships

There’s never a better time than now to let love in

There’s never a better time than now to let love in

For singles, every day represents a defining point. Your life can be astounding, or just another day. Life can be rich with adventure, love and experience. Or, it can be mundane and predictable. This drastic contrast is the end result of our thoughts, and life choices. Singles who have an amazing life have worked to attain it. They have spent time developing their life in the direction they wish it to travel. They have expanded their mental and physical horizons. They have maintained an attitude of curiosity and wonder and they see the glass as half full. They have spent some time doing inner work and are consciously aware.

There’s never a better time than now to let love in

There’s never a better time than now to let love in

Singles may rationalise their inaction . Our inner voices may sound very reasonable when they try to talk you out of moving out of your comfort zone. Have you noticed any of these lurking in your mind? (from Let love In by Debra Bernt)

Procastinator. I’ll start dating next month, next year when I lose weight, when I fix myself, when my kids grow up.
Worrier. I’m afraid of rejection. Online dating is dangerous.
Skeptic. There is no use in trying. There is no one out there for me. I will never meet anyone.
Judgement. Men/women suck. They are not worth my time. Stay away!
Beginner. I don’t know the first thing about dating, and I am not ready to put myself out there.

When singles are lazy about improving their dating life, nothing happens. You have the ability to draw the right person to you, but this won’t happen if you don’t leave the house. Your opportunities to meet someone greatly increase when you go places that other singles frequent.

Break the cycle, there is never a better time than now to make changes in your life. Be open to new opportunities.

The art of love is largely the art of persistence

The art of love is largely the art of persistence

Find a partner who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on them, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep… wait for the one who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of their friends, who thinks you’re just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much they care and how lucky they are to have you…. The one who turns to their friends and say, ‘that’s her.’ ~ Unknown

The art of love is largely the art of persistence

The art of love is largely the art of persistence

Do you feel like you are always dating the wrong people? I often hear from Singles who contact us that they are tired of dating the wrong people and repeating a pattern that ends in a bad relationship.

Sometimes they choose people who just aren’t available for a genuine relationship. It may be that they have not moved on from a previous relationship, or they are just not emotionally capable of a healthy relationship.

Sometimes they date people who have lied to them and falsely represented themselves. Only after dating them  for a while they discover that this person has a addiction, or isn’t as financially secure as they claimed.

If you recognise that you are continually choosing the wrong people to date, then stop and think about your pattern of behaviour. Try to understand where those choices come from, recognise them, and make different choices next time.

Your friends or family may be able to help you with this process as sometimes they can see a pattern of behaviour easier than we can ourselves. You could even seek the help of a therapist.

Most importantly, if finding a loving partner is high on your list, treat it as a priority. If you were looking for a suitable job, you wouldn’t stop applying for suitable positions. What could be more important than finding a partner who compliments you and your life? So be proactive and make smart choices that will have you out meeting potential partners.

Here is a quote that says it all…

Albert Ellis
The art of love… is largely the art of persistence.

A Table for SixMargaret Newitt
www.atableforsix.com.au
info@atableforsix.com.au
1300 885 311
Lic no 3338670

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Want a different dating result? Change your thoughts

Want a different dating result? Change your thoughts

Are you are holding on to negative beliefs about finding new friends, meeting a suitable partner and dating? Your mind is very powerful. The stories you tell yourself can either hold you back and prevent positive change in your life or they can allow new wonderful people to come into your life and new relationships to blossom. Even the most optimistic of us can be guilty of this at times.

Want a different dating outcome? change your thoughts

Want a different dating outcome? change your thoughts season and representing happynes and travel concept

It’s always interesting when speaking to new potential members. Many have reached a point where they know they need to be proactive and are ready and open to what (and whom) will come into their lives and where it may take them.

Others have created problems and scenarios in their own mind before they have even stepped out the door for their first dinner. YOUR beliefs can either help or hurt you!

For example,  “I’m not good at meeting new people. ” or “I will never meet anyone as lovely as my late husband/wife.”

Limiting thoughts and beliefs create the same problems that repeat themselves in different relationships. Habitual negative thoughts run on autopilot,  and if you believe them, you can’t change your life and solve the same problems that can keep arising in different relationships and situations.

Your thoughts determine your feelings, and your behaviours and actions are determined by your thoughts. With negative thoughts running unchecked in your mind, it’s difficult to feel good about yourself. When your behaviour and actions come from feeling bad about yourself, you won’t get good results.

In order to achieve a different result, stop and check those negative thoughts and replace them with positive ones that are just as true or even more true.

An example would be, if you believe there are no good men/women out there, you’ll continue attracting men/women who are not good for you. When you stop this negative thought and replace it with one that serves you,  you’ll open up the possibility to attract  a wealth of new friends and even a partner to share your life.

Start meeting new people and expect to have an enjoyable time, meeting interesting people and don’t quit on yourself.

“If you don’t like how things are, change it! You’re not a tree.” ~Ji Rohn

Replace your thoughts with positive ones this weekA Table for Six
Margaret Newitt
www.atableforsix.com.au
info@atableforsix.com.au
1300 885 311
Lic no 3338670

A new romance? It’s never too late

A new romance? It’s never too late

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No matter whether you’re 35 or 75, it’s never too late to fall in love again. Just ask some of our members who have been surprised how they have found love and it has taken them by surprise.

A new romance? It's never too late

A new romance? It’s never too late

I listen to the stories of people’s lives when they join A Table for Six. Everyone has such an interesting story to tell. Here is an example “I’ve been single for a while now and I’m quite comfortable. My friends are wonderful and I enjoy my work. I love my home and I’m very grateful for my  family. Overall I’ve become very good at being single. But sometimes I really miss having a partner to share my life with. Someone to talk, snuggle and grow with. I’m afraid that after a divorce, it may be too late for me.”

I also listen to the stories of the members who have found what they were hoping for, long after they they thought that was possible.  Does this happen by accident or is it just good luck. Or is there something special they had done or changes they had made to connect with a partner at any age?

There is often a similar theme. They are people who had come to terms with the idea they may not ever find a special someone again. But, they had also done some inner work on themselves that meant they felt worthy of love. They had also reached a point where they were ready to accept a partner as he/she is and were ready to be accepted unconditionally by him/her.

They see their new relationship as peaceful with less drama. They have learnt from all of their previous experiences in their past relationships. Is their new love someone who is identical to them? No, but they share values and a commitment to bring out the best in each other. Each one is dedicated to the development of the other.

A new romance? It's never too late

A new romance? It’s never too late

One couple I checked in with recently told me that their first year was hard. She was cleaning and tidying while he didn’t clean or pick up. He loved to watch some TV while she didn’t watch at all. Then they refocused on loving each other a lot and that’s the most precious thing in the world. She accepted him the way he is and didn’t worry about the little things. He was more considerate of her love of neatness, and made more effort to help out. She joined him to watch some TV that interested her too. He remembered to show his appreciation to her.

“As you follow this path, you will find that compassion and acceptance replace fear, negative judgement, and worry. You will approach dating with curiosity, fascination, and a light heart, wanting only what is good for yourself and another person. Instead of choosing a partner based on images, pretense, and roles, you will be able to join your journey with another and learn what it means to create a spiritual bond that is flexible and expansive for both.”

from “If the Buddha dated by Charlotte Kasl

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Margaret Newitt
www.atableforsix.com.au
info@atableforsix.com.au
1300 885 311A Table for Six

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Relationships-The most important experience in our lives

Relationships-The most important experience in our lives

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Relationships are the most important experience in our lives. Without relationships, we are nothing. They let us know who we are. We can only experience who we are in relationship to something or someone else.

Relationships - The most important experience in our lives

Relationships – The most important experience in our lives

In relationships we also define and recreate who we are. We might decide that we are smarter, bigger, better at singing, happier etc. than another. We define and recreate who we are in relationship to who you are.

Relationships - The most important experience of our lives

Relationships – The most important experience of our lives

Here’s an interesting observation-we cannot recreate ourselves as anything that we can’t see in another. That’s interesting! We can only see in ourselves qualities or behaviours that we are willing to see in another. Anything we don’t recognise in another, we will never find in ourselves. Or, only what we see in another can we see in ourselves.

Once we understand this, we also understand that our main function in a relationship is to seek and find all of the best and highest qualities of another. Our role is to help empower others to be the best they can be. Whatever that may be for them.

So what partners do for each other is to discover and bring out, the best in each other. We are not in a partnership to take, but to recognise and encourage each other for who we really are. We understand the importance of this and see that it is our very reason for being.

Now, being in a relationship becomes a much richer experience. We now don’t need to focus on what we can get out of it. Our focus can now be on what we can give or how we can empower our partner.

That doesn’t mean that we become victims or allow them to treat us badly. Staying in a dysfunctional relationship is not what it is about. But it is giving to another and allowing ourselves to experience a love with no conditions. It is wanting for your partner what they want for themselves and the amazing thing is that once you say, “I choose for you what you choose for you” they will always want to be with you. Isn’t that what we all look for? Someone who only wants for us what we want for ourselves.

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Meet our genuine singles at our relaxed, fun dinners this week.A Table for Six
Margaret Newitt
www.atableforsix.com.au
info@atableforsix.com.au
1300 885 311
Lic no 3338670

10 things that shouldn’t be repeated in relationships

10 things that shouldn’t be repeated in relationships

We have all made mistakes in relationships. Sometimes our mistakes have a catastrophic effect on our lives. And sometimes we can see with clarity what went wrong quiet quickly.

10 things that shouldn't be repeated in relationships

10 things that shouldn’t be repeated in relationships

But to have successful relationships, the important thing is to recognise our destructive patterns, make different choices, and then keep our awareness focused so that we don’t go back to making bad choices.

In his book “Never Go Back”, author Dr Henry Cloud lists ten insights that will keep us from sabotaging our lives in a repeating pattern. His method is based on grace, instead of making ourselves feel guilty for past mistakes.

Dr Cloud lists these insights as things never to return to;

Return to what has worked. We should never go back to something that ended and expect different results.

Do anything that requires them to be someone they are not. We should ask ourselves questions. Does this suit me? Is this sustainable? Why am I really doing this?

Try to change another person. We can only ever change ourselves, never another person. People will learn their own lessons in their own time as part of their journey.

Believe you can please everyone. When we chase the goals of others instead of pursuing our own dreams, we are not being guided by our instinct. Whatever you do, it should come from who you are and your unique gifts and talents.

Choose short-term comfort over long-term benefit. Successful people understand that they may need to step outside their comfort zone and experience some “pain”. They understand it will give them a long-term benefit and follow through.

Trust someone or something that appears flawless. We are all attracted to perfection, exceptional or high performing people. But life and people are rarely perfect. If someone or something appears to have no flaws, proceed with caution.

Take their eyes off the big picture. There will always be days when we loose sight of our overall aims and goals. Move on and refocus. The whole story is written over weeks, months and years, not a single day.

Neglect to do due diligence. Always take the time to take a look into the background and find out the details. You owe it to yourself.

Fail to ask why they are where they find themselves. To regularly ask themselves what part they are playing in the current situations in their lives, is one of the most important characteristics of successful people. They understand they are not victims, but create their own circumstances.

Forget their inner life determines their outer success. Who we are on the inside and the beliefs we hold about ourselves largely contribute to our external circumstances.

Achievers recognise the mistakes they are making and to decide to never repeat them. Don’t worry; there are always more lessons to learn.

Use what talents you posses.
The woods would be very silent
if no birds sang except those that sang best.”
~Henry Van Dyke

Let your unique gifts and talents shine this week,
Margaret Newitt
Franchisor
www.atableforsix.com.au
info@atableforsix.com.au
1300 885 311
lic no 3338670

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Let your best light shine & get the date

Let your light shine & get the date

Let your light shine & get the date

Let your best light shine & get the date
Whether you’re just dipping your toes into the meeting singles pond for fun or you want to find the right person to spend your life with, be honest about who you  are. The advice is exactly the same for men and women. Smile, open your mind and listen just as much as you talk. Try to focus on what you could gain from interacting with people, rather than what might be missing. The more you seek out the positive elements in people, the more you will find them.

Use our dinners as a fantastic tool
Our A Table for Six dinners are a fantastic tool to use to practice your dating skills and to learn about being single again. But most importantly, you will meet singles who are interested in genuine friendships and relationships.

Are you a little shy?
If you are a little shyer or more introverted, here are some tips to make yourself more approachable and to increase the number of dates you get.

Have an open posture. face the people or person and make sure your arms are uncrossed.

Smile and make eye contact with people. Especially those you are interested in.

Try to ensure you are in the middle of any groups and not stuck in a corner.

Ensure you speak to people with at least a “Hello.”

Focus on others  
The most important thing to remember is to focus on making others feel comfortable. I always remind myself that they may be more nervous or uncomfortable than I am. This helps to forget about your own anxiousness and they will really appreciate your interest in them.

If you are a little shy, remember that people can’t get to know who you are unless you let them. Know you are fantastic and others will too.

Margaret Newitt
www.atableforsix.com.au
info@atableforsix.com.au
1300 885 311

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What is the most necessary trait for a happy relationship?

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What is the  most necessary trait for a  happy relationship?

Good looks and money?
A new relationship guide by Dr Tashiro, a psychology professor, writes that singles looking for long-lasting love should limit their list on their checklist to only three. He writes that good looks and money should not be included in that list.

Dr Ty Tashiro writes in his book “The Science of Happily Ever After”, that the problem is that singles want everything in a potential partner and that results in them ending up with nothing.

What is the most necessary trait for a happy relationship?
He says that personality traits should be concentrated on and that the “agreeable” trait is the key to sustainable love and desire. Being agreeable will show up as someone who is forgiving, cooperative, good-natured, flexible, trusting, soft-hearted and tolerant.

The quality that is the worst for relationship sustainability
Alternatively, a partner who has a quality of “Neuroticism” is someone who is prone to anxiety, depression, embarrassment, emotional instability and insecurity. Dr Tashiro says that people with this trait are the worst for relationship sustainability.

What is the single most necessary trait for a long term happy relationship?

What is the single most necessary trait for a long term happy relationship?

From his own research Dr Tashiro reiterates that good looks are not a a predictor of satisfying relationships, nor do they correlate to happier marriages. In fact, there is “no reliable association between physical attractiveness and relationship satisfaction,” he writes.

Does money help?
In regard to money, his research has shown that it does not keep a relationship buoyant, at least over a certain point.

Money does make a difference on the lower end of the scale, but for those above $75,000 there seems to be diminishing returns on happiness in marriage. “Once this threshold is crossed, there is no significant association between more wealth and higher levels of psychological well-being”, Dr Tashiro writes.

Only 1 in 3 will find long lasting love
He encourages singles to be more realistic in their expectations to improve the odds of finding a compatible mate. Dr Tashiro states that society’s fairy-tale view of romance where 88% of adults believe in “soul mates” – has contributed to the fact that although 90% of people will marry in their lifetimes, only one in three will find long-lasting love.

He says that many women will search for a man who is handsome, tall and makes good money, but only about one percent of the suitors they are likely to meet will fit into this category.

Time to rethink our views?
Dr Tashiro states that his book is about making smarter choices and learning to weed out the undesirable traits and rethinking our views about what really matters in a romantic partner.

Our A Table for Six dinners are a great tool to use to meet singles face to face in a relaxed environment. You’ll have an opportunity to interact and also observe other singles interacting in a social situation with no pressure. They are also a lot of fun.

Here’s another story I wrote on this topic –

What is most important in a partner?

4 Things that will damage a relationship

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Margaret Newitt
www.atableforsix.com.au
info@atableforsix.com.au
1300 885 311

A Table for Six

Why is it often lost? Men and women want the same closeness in a relationship

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Men and women are wired differently and fear and shame can cause a loving close relationship to become disconnected. This interesting information is from a book called “Why women talk and men walk” by Patricia Love and Steven Stosny.

Image of beautiful scene of sunset and backs of couple of hikers enjoying it
Research and clinical experiences show that men and women clearly want the same closeness and connection from a relationship. So why do many couples end up feeling like they have lost that closeness they felt early in their relationship?

The male – female disconnection is the biggest factor in the soaring divorce rate. Some 80% of divorcees say they “grew apart” – tragic and unnecessary.

Female orientated attempts are often aimed at “talking” to her man. But this is often a huge failure. Because their problem is not about “communication.” It’s about disconnection. They are disconnected because they have poor communication; they have poor communication because they are disconnected. In a new relationship, when they felt connected, they talked for hours on end. She exposed vulnerable feelings to him, he responded with protectiveness and support. She fell in love because she felt emotionally connected to him, and her belief that he would be there for her quelled all her fears.

He fell in love because he felt emotionally connected to her. She made him feel important and successful as a lover, protector and provider, which reduced any threat of feeling inadequate.

The best chance of saving a disconnected relationship is to return to this state of mutually soothing and empowering connection.

Though powerful and pervasive, your fear and shame are not the deepest or most important things about you. Much deeper is the compassionate, loving part of you that was so active when you were a child and when you were first in love. It’s still there, although hidden beneath resentment that can make you fight and fear and shame that can make you resentful. Know that the warm glow is still within you, waiting to ignite your spirit.

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Margaret Newitt
www.atableforsix.com.au
info@atableforsix.com.au
1300 885 311
License 3338670

A Table for Six

Meet at dinner? 8 good reasons

  • Who will I meet at dinner? Before you attend our dinners, remind yourself that you may meet the man/woman of your dreams. But, even if you don’t, he/she may live next door to them. Or, you never know, he/she may invite you along to meet a group of their friends with lots of interesting singles. Someone at dinner may just inspire you to get involved with a hobby or interest you have been putting off for so long. They may inspire you to book that trip to Europe you have been dreaming of.
    It’s important to be pro-active in  going out to meet at dinner, but it’s not possible to know how a partner may appear to you. The most important thing is to remember that even if you don’t meet a partner at a particular dinner, it will lead to new, diverse, interesting experiences you would never have enjoyed and discovered if you hadn’t attended.Mid age couples enjoying meal
    This is who you will meet at dinner.

    They are tired of Singles who lie about wanting a real, long term relationship.

    They need opportunities for Singles to meet at dinner where there’s no pressure and it’s all about having fun and making new connections first.

    They crave meeting people and having that feeling of “Ah, these people really get me.”

    They haven’t been able to figure out where to find all the decent Singles who have dealt with their baggage and have an open heart.

    They struggle to deal with Singles who just want to be able to tick off their list of requirements.

    They secretly yearn to meet someone who makes the journey seem like the time is right, the place is right and the connection is definitely right.

    They are looking for their new best friend.

    They want to have that special connection with a partner who treats them with love and kindness, expressed through kind thoughts, loving words and kind actions.

    “Promise me you’ll always remember: You’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”
    — A.A. Milne
    Do any of these resonate with you?
    Are there any others you would add to our list?
    Is that the sort of person you are?

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    Margaret Newitt
    www.atableforsix.com.au
    info@atableforsix.com.au
    1300 885 311