Category Archives: Relationships

The one question singles hate the most at Xmas

The one question singles hate the most at Xmas

The one question singles hate the most! It’s the question that can turn any calm, confident, rational single into a rage and knock your confidence for six. And Christmas gatherings are the perfect opportunity for your Aunt, Uncle or distant cousin to toss that question at you.

Why are you still single?”

The one question singles hate the most at Xmas

It can make you feel as though you  are not a complete person because you are solo.

Perhaps there are some reasons. If you want to close one eye and peep at them to make sure they are not true about you-(of course they are not!), here are some possibilities.

You haven’t moved on from your Ex. You could be holding on to an ex-partner and comparing new people to them.

Are you taking care of yourself? It’s not about the label on your clothes or the brand of your shoes. But, making the most of your appearance by dressing with pride in your appearance, having a healthy body and an up to date hairdo can make a huge difference to your appeal.

You have become cynical about dating. Anyone who has been involved in relationships has had their share of disappointments. Learn to look a it this way; a failed relationship can teach you to notice red flags next time around. It can teach you to avoid someone with personality traits that drove you crazy in your previous relationship so you don’t waste your time with another partner who acts the same way. And remember, an open heart is very attractive.

Desperation is written on your forehead. It is an energy frequency that is very easy to recognise and isn’t at all attractive. Just take a step back, enjoy whatever you are doing and whoever you are meeting. You’ll be much more attractive.

Do you have too many things on your list of requirements? Everyone is entitled to have their own list of things that are absolutely vital in a partner. I’m sure everyone expects love and respect and to be treated with consideration. Honesty, decency and a feeling of being valued should be a given in a healthy relationship.
The type of car they drive, the job they have and the size of their clothes won’t make you happy in the long run.
Having common values and goals will make any relationship work better especially during times of stress.

Do you really want a relationship? Whether consciously or subconsciously, you may not want a relationship. It could be a time of recovery and renewal after the breakup of a past relationship. Or maybe, you just prefer not to have the attachment of a serious relationship. Sometimes, being single is exactly what you want.

Next time you are asked the one question that singles hate the most, tap into your highest energy, smile and say “Just lucky, I guess!”
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You’ve met him, now to keep him

You’ve met him, now to keep him

You’ve met a great man that you really like and are attracted to. He is interested in you too. Now comes the challenge of keeping him for the long term.

You've met him, now to keep him

You’ve met him, now to keep him

Society today is focused on immediate gratification. It’s a throw away society. But if you want that elusive long term, stable, loving relationship, then it’s going to take some effort, dedication,  being humble and at times it’s going to be very challenging.

A lot of singles want to know how to get over being shy or anxious when talking to single men. They want to know how to feel confident and be able to have amazing conversations with men they are attracted to. They think this will be the one secret that will solve all of their dating / relationship problems.

Think of the advertisements you see “How to lose weight without trying” and “Get rich quick by buying this”. They are preying on people’s desperation who don’t want to put in any hard work.

A better question to ask would be “What steps can I take to become a person that would be attractive to the man I want to meet and keep for the longterm. It often only occurs to them when there has been something go wrong in their relationships. They are in a bad place and it is a knee jerk reaction when it’s too late.

This type of reactive attitude is not an effective strategy for longterm happy relationships.

You may be good at meeting and having someone attracted to you in the short term. You can portray yourself as confident and having your life on track. But, soon the cracks will show. There will be a situation that brings out your insecurity and the real you will be revealed.

If it happens enough, you may very well lose the man you care for.

For longterm healthy relationships to flourish, it requires constant effort by both parties. They prioritise each other and their love. They laugh, touch and are very connected. You know when you are with a couple who have made a commitment to each other and continue to ensure it is not only healthy and happy, but thriving.

If you would like to have a relationship like that, you need to be in it through thick and thin. Start now by checking out our A Table for Six dinners where you will be introduced to men who are equally invested in long term happy relaitonships.

Check out our upcoming dinners here

Margaret Newitt
www.atableforsix.com.au

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Where are you going? Who is going with you?

Where are you going? Who is going with you?

The words of Neale Donald Walsch who became well know from his writing of the series of books called “Conversation with God” are resonating with me at the moment. In order to hopefully pass on some useful information, I have sought out his writings on the subject of relationships. His words on this topic are clear.

Where are you going? Who is going with you?

Where are you going? Who is going with you?

The “Conversations with God” books tell us that the purpose of relationships is not to find someone to meet all of our needs, or to make us happy, but to experience ourselves in an extraordinary way. As a person who has no needs! The most important step to take is one that most people have never taken or thought too much about. We must decide who we are and who we choose to be. Not only in a significant relationship, but also to all of life.

Without having made this decision, life can be like aimlessly bumping into people and situations; becoming discontented, angry, disillusioned or frustrated.

These books announce “Masters enter into relationships – not as someone who seeks to receive, but as someone who seeks to give.” This doesn’t mean necessarily to give money or gifts, but to seek to freely give the essence of who they really are.

Walsch writes “The true and only purpose of relationship is to announce and declare, express and fulfill, experience and become who you really are…there can be only two questions that are asked with regard to human relationships:

1. Where are am I going?

2. Who is going with me?

But very few people understand romantic relationships in this way.

Walsch writes,  “The first person that I have to be truly loving with, is myself. Loving oneself does not mean being selfish. It means loving yourself enough to be authentically YOU even if it looks like doing so will cause others to depart.”

His writings say that when you speak your truth, some may depart from your life, but others will join you in a new and powerful way because they resonate with who you are. They are people who have the same intentions and the same goals and they feel a harmony with you. They may not be the same as you in certain ways. Something that is very important, he writes, is that people cannot know (and nor can you) whether or not they are compatible unless they know who you are in your truthful self.

Walsch invites us to love ourselves enough to speak our deepest truth to everyone whose life we touch. He goes on ” The willingness to lose another rather than hold them in your life under false pretenses is the highest act of love. And the irony of all this is that having the courage to share what it is that you are certain will drive the other person away—is very often precisely what inspires them to stay. For they then know that they are not living with an “image” of you, but with a reality. A truth. The authentic article. The real thing.”

In his article, Walsch finishes by inviting us to “Just tell the truth. Say the words that will be welcomed, and the words that you know will not. Be brave. Be courageous. Be authentic. Be truthful. And in so doing, be the essence of love itself.”

Check out our upcoming dinners here

Margaret Newitt
www.atableforsix.com.auA Table for Six

The Real Reason Relationships Fail

The Real Reason Relationships Fail

It is a common belief that the most common causes of the breakdown of a relationship are adultery, financial problems or irreconcilable difference.

They are really symptoms of a deeper problem. There’s no denying those problems are real, but if we dig a little deeper we will find the real issue.

No matter what we are aiming to be successful at, there is a need to be intentional about it. To have a successful long term relationship we need to have that intention and invest in it.

It is a fair debate to question which comes first-did someone lose interest so they lost intention, or did someone lose intention so they lost interest-either way there is a key to this.

The Real Reason Relationships Fail

The Real Reason Relationships Fail

We can influence our feelings by intentionally investing in our relationship.

Wherever we invest our time, money and energy also ends up receiving our passion, interest and affection. And our affections grow towards this as well.

For a relationship, this means you will generally feel for your partner to the extent in which you invest in them.

Of course, there are exceptions. Some relationships have been a bad choice, but a lot of the time, we love our partner to the extent we invest in our partner.

What does this mean? If a relationship is not doing so well, it can be saved. With some effort, intention and energy, love can grow.

A good assignment in these circumstances could be: spend some time retelling the stories of your first date and how you met, how you felt and how you fell in love, what was it that you found so attractive in each other, what you love the most about each other, and what were your dreams of the future together.

In retelling these stories, it will unearth feelings and memories from the past and you will more likely feel love again. With a little intention, our emotions can drastically change.

If you would like to reconnect with a partner, here are things we can do every day which will reconnect us.

1. Have at least 5 minutes of uninterrupted conversation. Turn off the mobile phones, TV and other distractions and really connect every day.

2. Check at least once a day by email or phone call. Ask how their day is going.

3. Always kiss goodbye and hello. It is a physical and emotional connection that reminds us of the special commitment of the relationship.

4. Act in a way that shows your partner that they are important to you. Small actions that demonstrate that they are more important than work, sports or friends reinforces the relationship.

5. Make sure you hug every day for at least 30 seconds. An extended physical embrace reminds your body, soul and mind of your deep connection with this other person. Studies have shown that hugging reduces blood pressure, but it also connects you with the person you are hugging. By truly embracing every day, each partner will feel more valued and loved.

Next time you are in a relationship you would like to survive for the long term, remember it requires intention-by both parties. If both parties are intentional about keeping the relationship healthy, the relationship will thrive. Apathy will slowly kill a relationship, but intention will cause it to continually grow.

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Margaret Newitt
www.atableforsix.com.au
info@atableforsix.com.au
1300 885 311

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There’s never a better time than now to let love in

There’s never a better time than now to let love in

For singles, every day represents a defining point. Your life can be astounding, or just another day. Life can be rich with adventure, love and experience. Or, it can be mundane and predictable. This drastic contrast is the end result of our thoughts, and life choices. Singles who have an amazing life have worked to attain it. They have spent time developing their life in the direction they wish it to travel. They have expanded their mental and physical horizons. They have maintained an attitude of curiosity and wonder and they see the glass as half full. They have spent some time doing inner work and are consciously aware.

There’s never a better time than now to let love in

There’s never a better time than now to let love in

Singles may rationalise their inaction . Our inner voices may sound very reasonable when they try to talk you out of moving out of your comfort zone. Have you noticed any of these lurking in your mind? (from Let love In by Debra Bernt)

Procastinator. I’ll start dating next month, next year when I lose weight, when I fix myself, when my kids grow up.
Worrier. I’m afraid of rejection. Online dating is dangerous.
Skeptic. There is no use in trying. There is no one out there for me. I will never meet anyone.
Judgement. Men/women suck. They are not worth my time. Stay away!
Beginner. I don’t know the first thing about dating, and I am not ready to put myself out there.

When singles are lazy about improving their dating life, nothing happens. You have the ability to draw the right person to you, but this won’t happen if you don’t leave the house. Your opportunities to meet someone greatly increase when you go places that other singles frequent.

Break the cycle, there is never a better time than now to make changes in your life. Be open to new opportunities.

The art of love is largely the art of persistence

The art of love is largely the art of persistence

Find a partner who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on them, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep… wait for the one who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of their friends, who thinks you’re just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much they care and how lucky they are to have you…. The one who turns to their friends and say, ‘that’s her.’ ~ Unknown

The art of love is largely the art of persistence

The art of love is largely the art of persistence

Do you feel like you are always dating the wrong people? I often hear from Singles who contact us that they are tired of dating the wrong people and repeating a pattern that ends in a bad relationship.

Sometimes they choose people who just aren’t available for a genuine relationship. It may be that they have not moved on from a previous relationship, or they are just not emotionally capable of a healthy relationship.

Sometimes they date people who have lied to them and falsely represented themselves. Only after dating them  for a while they discover that this person has a addiction, or isn’t as financially secure as they claimed.

If you recognise that you are continually choosing the wrong people to date, then stop and think about your pattern of behaviour. Try to understand where those choices come from, recognise them, and make different choices next time.

Your friends or family may be able to help you with this process as sometimes they can see a pattern of behaviour easier than we can ourselves. You could even seek the help of a therapist.

Most importantly, if finding a loving partner is high on your list, treat it as a priority. If you were looking for a suitable job, you wouldn’t stop applying for suitable positions. What could be more important than finding a partner who compliments you and your life? So be proactive and make smart choices that will have you out meeting potential partners.

Here is a quote that says it all…

Albert Ellis
The art of love… is largely the art of persistence.

A Table for SixMargaret Newitt
www.atableforsix.com.au
info@atableforsix.com.au
1300 885 311
Lic no 3338670

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Want a different dating result? Change your thoughts

Want a different dating result? Change your thoughts

Are you are holding on to negative beliefs about finding new friends, meeting a suitable partner and dating? Your mind is very powerful. The stories you tell yourself can either hold you back and prevent positive change in your life or they can allow new wonderful people to come into your life and new relationships to blossom. Even the most optimistic of us can be guilty of this at times.

Want a different dating outcome? change your thoughts

Want a different dating outcome? change your thoughts season and representing happynes and travel concept

It’s always interesting when speaking to new potential members. Many have reached a point where they know they need to be proactive and are ready and open to what (and whom) will come into their lives and where it may take them.

Others have created problems and scenarios in their own mind before they have even stepped out the door for their first dinner. YOUR beliefs can either help or hurt you!

For example,  “I’m not good at meeting new people. ” or “I will never meet anyone as lovely as my late husband/wife.”

Limiting thoughts and beliefs create the same problems that repeat themselves in different relationships. Habitual negative thoughts run on autopilot,  and if you believe them, you can’t change your life and solve the same problems that can keep arising in different relationships and situations.

Your thoughts determine your feelings, and your behaviours and actions are determined by your thoughts. With negative thoughts running unchecked in your mind, it’s difficult to feel good about yourself. When your behaviour and actions come from feeling bad about yourself, you won’t get good results.

In order to achieve a different result, stop and check those negative thoughts and replace them with positive ones that are just as true or even more true.

An example would be, if you believe there are no good men/women out there, you’ll continue attracting men/women who are not good for you. When you stop this negative thought and replace it with one that serves you,  you’ll open up the possibility to attract  a wealth of new friends and even a partner to share your life.

Start meeting new people and expect to have an enjoyable time, meeting interesting people and don’t quit on yourself.

“If you don’t like how things are, change it! You’re not a tree.” ~Ji Rohn

Replace your thoughts with positive ones this weekA Table for Six
Margaret Newitt
www.atableforsix.com.au
info@atableforsix.com.au
1300 885 311
Lic no 3338670

A new romance? It’s never too late

A new romance? It’s never too late

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No matter whether you’re 35 or 75, it’s never too late to fall in love again. Just ask some of our members who have been surprised how they have found love and it has taken them by surprise.

A new romance? It's never too late

A new romance? It’s never too late

I listen to the stories of people’s lives when they join A Table for Six. Everyone has such an interesting story to tell. Here is an example “I’ve been single for a while now and I’m quite comfortable. My friends are wonderful and I enjoy my work. I love my home and I’m very grateful for my  family. Overall I’ve become very good at being single. But sometimes I really miss having a partner to share my life with. Someone to talk, snuggle and grow with. I’m afraid that after a divorce, it may be too late for me.”

I also listen to the stories of the members who have found what they were hoping for, long after they they thought that was possible.  Does this happen by accident or is it just good luck. Or is there something special they had done or changes they had made to connect with a partner at any age?

There is often a similar theme. They are people who had come to terms with the idea they may not ever find a special someone again. But, they had also done some inner work on themselves that meant they felt worthy of love. They had also reached a point where they were ready to accept a partner as he/she is and were ready to be accepted unconditionally by him/her.

They see their new relationship as peaceful with less drama. They have learnt from all of their previous experiences in their past relationships. Is their new love someone who is identical to them? No, but they share values and a commitment to bring out the best in each other. Each one is dedicated to the development of the other.

A new romance? It's never too late

A new romance? It’s never too late

One couple I checked in with recently told me that their first year was hard. She was cleaning and tidying while he didn’t clean or pick up. He loved to watch some TV while she didn’t watch at all. Then they refocused on loving each other a lot and that’s the most precious thing in the world. She accepted him the way he is and didn’t worry about the little things. He was more considerate of her love of neatness, and made more effort to help out. She joined him to watch some TV that interested her too. He remembered to show his appreciation to her.

“As you follow this path, you will find that compassion and acceptance replace fear, negative judgement, and worry. You will approach dating with curiosity, fascination, and a light heart, wanting only what is good for yourself and another person. Instead of choosing a partner based on images, pretense, and roles, you will be able to join your journey with another and learn what it means to create a spiritual bond that is flexible and expansive for both.”

from “If the Buddha dated by Charlotte Kasl

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Margaret Newitt
www.atableforsix.com.au
info@atableforsix.com.au
1300 885 311A Table for Six

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Relationships-The most important experience in our lives

Relationships-The most important experience in our lives

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Relationships are the most important experience in our lives. Without relationships, we are nothing. They let us know who we are. We can only experience who we are in relationship to something or someone else.

Relationships - The most important experience in our lives

Relationships – The most important experience in our lives

In relationships we also define and recreate who we are. We might decide that we are smarter, bigger, better at singing, happier etc. than another. We define and recreate who we are in relationship to who you are.

Relationships - The most important experience of our lives

Relationships – The most important experience of our lives

Here’s an interesting observation-we cannot recreate ourselves as anything that we can’t see in another. That’s interesting! We can only see in ourselves qualities or behaviours that we are willing to see in another. Anything we don’t recognise in another, we will never find in ourselves. Or, only what we see in another can we see in ourselves.

Once we understand this, we also understand that our main function in a relationship is to seek and find all of the best and highest qualities of another. Our role is to help empower others to be the best they can be. Whatever that may be for them.

So what partners do for each other is to discover and bring out, the best in each other. We are not in a partnership to take, but to recognise and encourage each other for who we really are. We understand the importance of this and see that it is our very reason for being.

Now, being in a relationship becomes a much richer experience. We now don’t need to focus on what we can get out of it. Our focus can now be on what we can give or how we can empower our partner.

That doesn’t mean that we become victims or allow them to treat us badly. Staying in a dysfunctional relationship is not what it is about. But it is giving to another and allowing ourselves to experience a love with no conditions. It is wanting for your partner what they want for themselves and the amazing thing is that once you say, “I choose for you what you choose for you” they will always want to be with you. Isn’t that what we all look for? Someone who only wants for us what we want for ourselves.

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Meet our genuine singles at our relaxed, fun dinners this week.A Table for Six
Margaret Newitt
www.atableforsix.com.au
info@atableforsix.com.au
1300 885 311
Lic no 3338670

10 things that shouldn’t be repeated in relationships

10 things that shouldn’t be repeated in relationships

We have all made mistakes in relationships. Sometimes our mistakes have a catastrophic effect on our lives. And sometimes we can see with clarity what went wrong quiet quickly.

10 things that shouldn't be repeated in relationships

10 things that shouldn’t be repeated in relationships

But to have successful relationships, the important thing is to recognise our destructive patterns, make different choices, and then keep our awareness focused so that we don’t go back to making bad choices.

In his book “Never Go Back”, author Dr Henry Cloud lists ten insights that will keep us from sabotaging our lives in a repeating pattern. His method is based on grace, instead of making ourselves feel guilty for past mistakes.

Dr Cloud lists these insights as things never to return to;

Return to what has worked. We should never go back to something that ended and expect different results.

Do anything that requires them to be someone they are not. We should ask ourselves questions. Does this suit me? Is this sustainable? Why am I really doing this?

Try to change another person. We can only ever change ourselves, never another person. People will learn their own lessons in their own time as part of their journey.

Believe you can please everyone. When we chase the goals of others instead of pursuing our own dreams, we are not being guided by our instinct. Whatever you do, it should come from who you are and your unique gifts and talents.

Choose short-term comfort over long-term benefit. Successful people understand that they may need to step outside their comfort zone and experience some “pain”. They understand it will give them a long-term benefit and follow through.

Trust someone or something that appears flawless. We are all attracted to perfection, exceptional or high performing people. But life and people are rarely perfect. If someone or something appears to have no flaws, proceed with caution.

Take their eyes off the big picture. There will always be days when we loose sight of our overall aims and goals. Move on and refocus. The whole story is written over weeks, months and years, not a single day.

Neglect to do due diligence. Always take the time to take a look into the background and find out the details. You owe it to yourself.

Fail to ask why they are where they find themselves. To regularly ask themselves what part they are playing in the current situations in their lives, is one of the most important characteristics of successful people. They understand they are not victims, but create their own circumstances.

Forget their inner life determines their outer success. Who we are on the inside and the beliefs we hold about ourselves largely contribute to our external circumstances.

Achievers recognise the mistakes they are making and to decide to never repeat them. Don’t worry; there are always more lessons to learn.

Use what talents you posses.
The woods would be very silent
if no birds sang except those that sang best.”
~Henry Van Dyke

Let your unique gifts and talents shine this week,
Margaret Newitt
Franchisor
www.atableforsix.com.au
info@atableforsix.com.au
1300 885 311
lic no 3338670

A Table for Six

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