If you notice that you are not really looking forward to the Christmas season, then something is trying to tell you to make a shift and reclaim this time of year.
Your life might not exactly look like the TV ads of happy families…most of them don’t. But you can decide you are going to have a happy holiday season by focusing on the positive and appreciating the good things in your life.
Dr Wayne Dyer has the following suggestions to gain the most out of the Christmas season:
I’ll let the holidays flow, rather than trying to make them fit into a fixed schedule. I’ll remember that people are more important than things.
I’ll relax my expectations for myself and others this year.
I’m going to live in the present moment and enjoy each activity for itself instead of always thinking about what is ahead of me.
I’m going to approach the holidays with a sense of joyful anticipation and wonder, just like I did when I was a child.
There are always many things to be grateful for. Sometimes it is a matter of being deliberate in your thinking to discover appreciation, excitement, joy and peace. Decide to have the happiest holiday season this year.
The lyrics to Leonard Cohen’s anthem remind us that light magically comes through the cracks of imperfection “Ring the bell that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.”
No matter whether you’re 35 or 75, it’s never too late to fall in love again. Just ask some of our members who have been surprised how they have found love and it has taken them by surprise.
A new romance? It’s never too late
listen to the stories of people’s lives when they join A Table for Six. Everyone has such an interesting story to tell. Here is an example “I’ve been single for a while now and I’m quite comfortable. My friends are wonderful and I enjoy my work. I love my home and I’m very grateful for my family. Overall I’ve become very good at being single. But sometimes I really miss having a partner to share my life with. Someone to talk, snuggle and grow with. I’m afraid that after a divorce, it may be too late for me.”
I also listen to the stories of the members who have found what they were hoping for, long after they they thought that was possible. Does this happen by accident or is it just good luck. Or is there something special they had done or changes they had made to connect with a partner at any age?
There is often a similar theme. They are people who had come to terms with the idea they may not ever find a special someone again. But, they had also done some inner work on themselves that meant they felt worthy of love. They had also reached a point where they were ready to accept a partner as he/she is and were ready to be accepted unconditionally by him/her.
They see their new relationship as peaceful with less drama. They have learnt from all of their previous experiences in their past relationships. Is their new love someone who is identical to them? No, but they share values and a commitment to bring out the best in each other. Each one is dedicated to the development of the other.
One couple I checked in with recently told me that their first year was hard. She was cleaning and tidying while he didn’t clean or pick up. He loved to watch some TV while she didn’t watch at all. Then they refocused on loving each other a lot and that’s the most precious thing in the world. She accepted him the way he is and didn’t worry about the little things. He was more considerate of her love of neatness, and made more effort to help out. She joined him to watch some TV that interested her too. He remembered to show his appreciation to her.
“As you follow this path, you will find that compassion and acceptance replace fear, negative judgement, and worry. You will approach dating with curiosity, fascination, and a light heart, wanting only what is good for yourself and another person. Instead of choosing a partner based on images, pretense, and roles, you will be able to join your journey with another and learn what it means to create a spiritual bond that is flexible and expansive for both.”
2017 is almost half way through. We have had a lot of success partnering our members up so far this year. We also heard from members who met through other means, but they said that attending our dinners gave them the confidence in their lives that made all the difference. Our members tell us that they enjoy the dinners so much because they find them relaxed, and fun. The pressure they feel with internet dating isn’t there at our dinners. It’s all about the group enjoying some single company and conversation over dinner.
I never tire of hearing the members feedback and hearing of their enjoyment. We love to hear the good stories from our happy members.
Do you ever feel as though there is someone out there that you could be deeply connected to-Someone that you haven’t met yet?
If you’re like most people who are single (and would prefer not to be), in spite of this wonderful sense of possibility, you also struggle with the challenge of how to bring this beloved person into your life. You may feel disappointed, frustrated, confused and even pain sometimes because they are not in your life yet.
I’m not usually a country music fan, but I caught a few lines of a song by Adam Brandt called “There will be love” that says it all. ” There will be love in our lives, just as long as we are willing to try.”
If any of that sounds familiar to you, we have helped people who thought they would never have success in dating again. Perhaps you need a nudge in the right direction, or you fear you are the least likely to succeed in dating.
Just remember, you don’t need to change anything externally about yourself or your life. You only need to let go of those obstacles you have that are holding you back. Instead of spending another year hoping for love that doesn’t show up, you can contact us so that we can organise to have you out and meeting our fabulous members at dinners as soon as this weekend. You’ll be amazed by how quickly it can happen.
If you have goals to achieve in 2017 and one of them to to make a difference to your social/dating life, I want to invite you to make a commitment to yourself… A commitment that you’ll make this year the one you look back on as the year you made a change in your life.
Question. Hi Margaret, I need a change in my life. I’m 43 and I think I’ve missed the boat. I feel insecure about getting out there and meeting people again after a long relationship. It just seems easier to give my attention to my work, and spend my time with my family and friends. Any advice?
In one of my favourite books “The Artist’s Way” by Julia Cameron, she asks “Do you know how old I will be by the time I learn to really play the piano/ act/ paint/ change my social life, meet lots of like-minded singles and a loving partner?” By the way, I added the last bit about changing your life and meeting a partner etc!
Are you a go getter who creates a life they love?
The answer. The answer to this question….The same age you will be if you don’t.
Feedback -I’d happily do it again. Here’s some feedback that came in last week from a gorgeous lady who attended her first dinner. (And she made a new friend already)
I had a lovely night on Saturday and found all the group good company and very pleasant to talk to and we had plenty to talk about. I have to admit I was very nervous and walked past the restaurant several times before I went in. My fears were quickly laid to rest and I would happily do this again. I give the dinner enjoyment 10/10. The restaurant and meal was alright. We weren’t hurried and were able to stay until quite late. Thank you again for organising a great group of people.”
If you believe it, you will see it. Don’t listen to the women who say “all the good men are taken” or the men who say “I can’t find any good women”. These are self-fulfilling beliefs. If you believe there is a shortage of good partners out there, that will be your experience. If you believe there are lots of interesting, classy, kind people for you to meet and choose from, your experience is going to be amazing!
This is your life and I’d love to help. Have you put off something else in your life and now you want to go back and tell your younger self to just do it? If so, I want to hear from you, so that you are congratulating yourself in twelve, six or three months time for being a go getter who creates a life they love. As Nike says “Just do it!”
When you are setting out of your house on an evening out, are you excited and looking forward to having some fun and connecting with new interesting people? Or, does the little voice in your head sabotage you before you even arrive by whispering that you won’t meet anyone you like?
If you set your intention before you arrive at your destination – if you decide that you are looking forward to meeting people with interesting stories to tell – if you see yourself having a great time – you are setting yourself up to succeed. You will be laying the groundwork for making new friends, dating and even falling in love to happen.
An amazing story~Don’t miss it
But if you set out expecting that the man or woman of your dreams will be there with outstretched arms waiting for you, you are setting yourself up to be disappointed and also missing out on a real gem.
We have all been guilty of judging. It’s a natural human trait. But it is self sabotaging behaviour. You meet some new people and make a judgement about them because of their hairstyle or the colour of their shoes. This moment of judgement could stop you from getting to know them and you could be missing out on a wonderful friendship.
Judging others is really only hurting ourselves. It’s no reflection on the other person.
“When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.” ~ Wayne dyer
If you find yourself slipping into that mode of noticing negative things, be committed to looking for opportunities that bring you pleasure. The delicious food, a spectacular view or the person you just met who gave you a tip about real estate. Notice the lovely smile on the person with the purple shoes.
And that person with the very different hairstyle, could be the most interesting person in the room.
“If you judge a book by it’s cover, you might miss out on an amazing story”
So often we have a big goal in mind. We know exactly what we want.
“I want a husband/wife who I adore and who adores me.”
Maybe they are nowhere in sight just yet. However, It’s important to remember and acknowledge the progress you have made towards your big goal.
Don’t forget to celebrate your dating progress
Six months ago, you were newly single. Not a thing planned for the weekend, except feeling sorry for yourself. All of your friends are married or in relationships, so no possibility of a fun night out there.
But look at you now! You’ve updated your wardrobe and hairstyle. You’re feeling much more confident. You have met some new single friends at those fitness classes you’ve joined. Maybe you’ve joined A Table for Six where you’ve had some very enjoyable evenings meeting new singles over dinner. The new friends you’ve made enjoy going out for dinner, or the movies, or to that sporting game as much as you do, so your weekends are filling up quickly now.
Don’t downplay your progress. Feelings of guilt or unworthiness can take the wind out of your sails. Charles Duhigg, author of acclaimed book The Power of Habit states: “A huge body of research has shown that small wins have enormous power, and influence disproportionate to the accomplishments of the victories themselves.”
Your confidence has grown a lot because you know there are other interesting singles who are single too.
So, track your progress. Your life is a little better every day and you are making progress. Your social life is so much better than it was six months ago. Rather than complaining that you haven’t arrived at the big goal yet, embrace your evolution.
“Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.” ~Martin Luther King Jr
Encourage and acknowledge yourself this week,
10 things that shouldn’t be repeated in relationships
We have all made mistakes in relationships. Sometimes our mistakes have a catastrophic effect on our lives. And sometimes we can see with clarity what went wrong quiet quickly.
10 things that shouldn’t be repeated in relationships
But to have successful relationships, the important thing is to recognise our destructive patterns, make different choices, and then keep our awareness focused so that we don’t go back to making bad choices.
In his book “Never Go Back”, author Dr Henry Cloud lists ten insights that will keep us from sabotaging our lives in a repeating pattern. His method is based on grace, instead of making ourselves feel guilty for past mistakes.
Dr Cloud lists these insights as things never to return to;
Return to what has worked. We should never go back to something that ended and expect different results.
Do anything that requires them to be someone they are not. We should ask ourselves questions. Does this suit me? Is this sustainable? Why am I really doing this?
Try to change another person. We can only ever change ourselves, never another person. People will learn their own lessons in their own time as part of their journey.
Believe you can please everyone. When we chase the goals of others instead of pursuing our own dreams, we are not being guided by our instinct. Whatever you do, it should come from who you are and your unique gifts and talents.
Choose short-term comfort over long-term benefit. Successful people understand that they may need to step outside their comfort zone and experience some “pain”. They understand it will give them a long-term benefit and follow through.
Trust someone or something that appears flawless. We are all attracted to perfection, exceptional or high performing people. But life and people are rarely perfect. If someone or something appears to have no flaws, proceed with caution.
Take their eyes off the big picture. There will always be days when we loose sight of our overall aims and goals. Move on and refocus. The whole story is written over weeks, months and years, not a single day.
Neglect to do due diligence. Always take the time to take a look into the background and find out the details. You owe it to yourself.
Fail to ask why they are where they find themselves. To regularly ask themselves what part they are playing in the current situations in their lives, is one of the most important characteristics of successful people. They understand they are not victims, but create their own circumstances.
Forget their inner life determines their outer success. Who we are on the inside and the beliefs we hold about ourselves largely contribute to our external circumstances.
Achievers recognise the mistakes they are making and to decide to never repeat them. Don’t worry; there are always more lessons to learn.
“Use what talents you posses. The woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang best.” ~Henry Van Dyke
Discover the love & the kind of relationship you dream of.
“We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.” ~Anais Nin
Take one person (let’s call him Al) as seen by two different people (let’s call them Sandy and Lisa). Sandy has a suspicious nature, so she expects that people always have something up their sleeves-an agenda. After an hour at dinner with Al, she notices him checking his watch and figures he probably has a rendezvous with another woman and is trying to cut short their time together. Seeing him as sneaky and untrustworthy, she stops engaging in the conversation, and begins giving very short responses. Sandy has braced herself against Al, thinking he is a man who wants to use her or take her for granted.
Discover the love the kind of relationship you dream of
When Lisa is at dinner with Al and he checks his watch, she hardly notices, but the sight reminds her to check her watch too. She realises it’s getting late. They decide to pay for the meals and walk home, laughing at the fact that both of them are early birds. Lisa is reassured by Al’s directness and finds she has enjoyed herself and the evening immensely.
Sandy because of her suspicious nature, distanced herself from someone who could have been fun and interesting. Lisa, because of her assumption of Al’s goodness, felt connected and found a potential mate.
The truth is that what we believe is usually what we see.
They usually have an interesting story to tell about how they came to be together. If they haven’t shared their story with you, ask them to do so. Very often you will find that they didn’t have an instant attraction. They may have met a few times before there were any sparks flying.
Although most men appear to be playing it cool, some are genuinely unsure of themselves. Many men need a little encouragement from a woman to know that you are interested.
A Second Meeting?
We receive requests for contact numbers after our dinners as you know. It’s a fantastic gauge that the dinner was a success and people made connections. There’s the obvious ones where a man requests a lady’s number or a lady requests a man’s number. But also many times it is for friendship as well. When single, it’s very important to have single friends to spend time with.
Once we receive a reply we pass the contact number on to the person who asked for it. But sometimes the answer is a no.
Why not catch up for a drink?
All of our members have an interesting story to tell. Why not at least catch up for a coffee or a drink? It’s a good idea to meet for a brief catchup the first time. That way if there isn’t a connection you can go your own ways. But, you may find that you have more in common that you first thought.
If your happily coupled up friends hadn’t gotten together after their first meeting they wouldn’t be together today. Say yes to another catch up.
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If you are clumsy, cheeky, uncertain, crazy, single, gorgeous, unorganised, super tidy, untidy or always late, you are unique and one of a kind. There is no one quite like you.
If you are ever dating someone who makes you feel like you are not good enough, remember that you wouldn’t want to spend time with that sort of person anyway. A life partner should make you feel like you are special just the way you are.
Four ways to gain some dating confidence?
How to gain more confidence in dating
What can you do if you have a confidence problem? Exercise
The effects of exercise are overwhelming and can’t be understated when you would like to gain confidence in dating. Your body releases a cocktail of endorphins that make you feel good when you work out. You will also have that sense of having accomplished something constructive that has long term benefits.
Four ways to gain some dating confidence?
Learn how to dress and present yourself in the best light
Take some time and effort to assess and improve your wardrobe to gain some confidence in dating. It can have a dramatic effect on your confidence level. The colours you wear or the style of your glasses all affect the way that people view you.
Be aware of how you are holding your body. People who have movements that are more open and spread out, that take up more space-also feel confident. If you are not feeling confident, studies have shown that even faking high power poses caused people to become more confident. You may be in a situation where you don’t want to be perceived as too arrogant. Amy Cuddy disclosed in her Ted Talk “Your body language shapes who you are” that opening up your body for a few minutes prior to an important meeting or date, even in if it’s in the privacy of a bathroom, can make a big difference to gain confidence in dating.
Brush up on some current topics
Do conversations about politics, current affairs or economics make you feel unintelligent? Read up about it to gain confidence in dating. Then you will know that you can at least make some intelligent and relevant comments about current topics in the news
“Be yourself and I promise people will enjoy it. And if they don’t…forget them.”~Mitchell Davis