The Real Reason Relationships Fail
It is a common belief that the most common causes of the breakdown of a relationship are adultery, financial problems or irreconcilable difference.
They are really symptoms of a deeper problem. There’s no denying those problems are real, but if we dig a little deeper we will find the real issue.
No matter what we are aiming to be successful at, there is a need to be intentional about it. To have a successful long term relationship we need to have that intention and invest in it.
It is a fair debate to question which comes first-did someone lose interest so they lost intention, or did someone lose intention so they lost interest-either way there is a key to this.
We can influence our feelings by intentionally investing in our relationship.
Wherever we invest our time, money and energy also ends up receiving our passion, interest and affection. And our affections grow towards this as well.
For a relationship, this means you will generally feel for your partner to the extent in which you invest in them.
Of course, there are exceptions. Some relationships have been a bad choice, but a lot of the time, we love our partner to the extent we invest in our partner.
What does this mean? If a relationship is not doing so well, it can be saved. With some effort, intention and energy, love can grow.
A good assignment in these circumstances could be: spend some time retelling the stories of your first date and how you met, how you felt and how you fell in love, what was it that you found so attractive in each other, what you love the most about each other, and what were your dreams of the future together.
In retelling these stories, it will unearth feelings and memories from the past and you will more likely feel love again. With a little intention, our emotions can drastically change.
If you would like to reconnect with a partner, here are things we can do every day which will reconnect us.
1. Have at least 5 minutes of uninterrupted conversation. Turn off the mobile phones, TV and other distractions and really connect every day.
2. Check at least once a day by email or phone call. Ask how their day is going.
3. Always kiss goodbye and hello. It is a physical and emotional connection that reminds us of the special commitment of the relationship.
4. Act in a way that shows your partner that they are important to you. Small actions that demonstrate that they are more important than work, sports or friends reinforces the relationship.
5. Make sure you hug every day for at least 30 seconds. An extended physical embrace reminds your body, soul and mind of your deep connection with this other person. Studies have shown that hugging reduces blood pressure, but it also connects you with the person you are hugging. By truly embracing every day, each partner will feel more valued and loved.
Next time you are in a relationship you would like to survive for the long term, remember it requires intention-by both parties. If both parties are intentional about keeping the relationship healthy, the relationship will thrive. Apathy will slowly kill a relationship, but intention will cause it to continually grow.